Jerome quotes from Two and a Half Men

Charlie

Did you try calling your daughter?

Jerome

She left her cell phone at the house.

Charlie

Kids, huh? [tries to call Jake on his cell phone] It's ringing.

Yo, bitch, I'm gonna slap you up

Charlie

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

Jerome

For a placekicker!

Charlie

Ooh, insult to injury.

Jerome

A little tiny dude from Serbia. Not a single vowel in his entire name!

Charlie

Oh, yeah, Grl Zrbnck. That guy could sure split the uprights... in a football manner of speaking.

Jerome

Hey, Jake.

Jake

(intimidated) Hello, sir.

Jerome

(calling) Celeste! Jake's here! (to Jake) So how've you been?

Jake

(still intimidated) We're walking down to the pier, we're gonna play skee ball, we'll be back by 11.

Jerome

(leering over Jake) You're damn right you will.

Where do you guys want me to put these [pizzas]?

Alan

Oh, uh, here, let me, uh, move the snickerdoodles.

[sighs] Snickerdoodles.

Alan

You don't like them?

No, no, I do. It's just that my wife used to call me her little snickerdoodle.

Charlie

You're kidding.

Well, no, not all of me. It was her little nickname for my, uh... [awkward chuckle]

Jerome

Oh, that is a terrible name for a penis.

Oh, yeah? What did your wife call yours?

Jerome

Mr. Roundtree. [everyone stares] Richard Roundtree? The guy who played Shaft? [everyone murmurs in agreement]

Alan

That's way better than "snickerdoodle".

Herb

Judith calls mine "that thing".

Alan

As in, "Get that thing away from me"?

Herb

Yeah, how did you know?

Alan

Just a guess.