[Chelsea leaves Charlie while Alan argues on the phone with Melissa]
Oh, please don't leave!
Oh, please don't hang up!
CACharlie and Alan
I love you!
And I love you, too.
[Alan rings the doorbell at Judith's house while Herb and Judith are arguing]
Is this a bad time?
They're all bad. Seven and a half months of bad.
Don't you walk away from me!
Well, I'm sorry, I was answering the door! That's what we idiots do when we hear a doorbell!
Hi, Dad, bye, Mom, good luck, Herb.
Bye, Jake. Wish I was going with you!
[cut to Herb in the back seat of Alan's car]
I knew it as soon as it came out of my mouth.
See you later.
Where you going?
Down to the pier with Celeste.
Who's Celeste?
My girlfriend. She lives next door.
She pretty?
She's gorgeous, and smart and popular.
No kidding.
We don't get it either.
Maybe she's punishing her father.
Let's hope so!
Ordering a pizza and going home. Two of the three things you want in a woman.
And you wonder why Chelsea dumped you.
I'll tell you what I wonder. I wonder how you could possibly get stoned enough to stick your tongue in the mouth of a sixty-year-old woman.
Zing!
(Jake goes to Jerome's to pick up Celeste for their date)
Hey, Jake.
(intimidated) Hello, sir.
(calling) Celeste! Jake's here! (to Jake) So how've you been?
(still intimidated) We're walking down to the pier, we're gonna play skee ball, we'll be back by 11.
(leering over Jake) You're damn right you will.
GGordon
[delivering pizza] Hey Mr. Harper.
Oh, hey Gordon! It's been a long time.
GGordon
Yeah, two years.
So what have you been up to?
GGordon
Well, I finished night school, got my business degree, met an amazing girl and got married, landed a great job as a stock brocker, the company went under, my wife left me and - uh - that'll be 28.50.
Oh, man I'm sorry. You want a drink?
GGordon
Why stop now?
GGordon
Where do you guys want me to put these [pizzas]?
Oh, uh, here, let me, uh, move the snickerdoodles.
GGordon
[sighs] Snickerdoodles.
You don't like them?
GGordon
No, no, I do. It's just that my wife used to call me her little snickerdoodle.
You're kidding.
GGordon
Well, no, not all of me. It was her little nickname for my, uh... [awkward chuckle]
Oh, that is a terrible name for a penis.
GGordon
Oh, yeah? What did your wife call yours?
Mr. Roundtree. [everyone stares] Richard Roundtree? The guy who played Shaft? [everyone murmurs in agreement]
That's way better than "snickerdoodle".
Judith calls mine "that thing".
As in, "Get that thing away from me"?
Yeah, how did you know?
Just a guess.
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