Shit abyss. I'm not a-scared of a fuckin' shit abyss. Lahey's fucked.
Yeah, well, if Lahey sees Steve French and calls the Department of Lands and Forests, we're fucked, boys.
What the fuck would the Department of Lands and Forests do?
Did you see the tattoo under Steve French's ear?
Well, there's one there, and they use it for tracking, Rick. They'll be able to track him right back to our dope field. Cops, jail. Fuck jail. I'm not going back to jail, Ricky. Not gonna happen, man.
Julian, don't be dissing jail, man. We've had some good fucking parties in there. We have good friends in there. They fed you, you use their gym. Come on, don't be dissing jail. It's not fucking cool.
[the mountain lion chases Trevor into Lahey and Randy's camper]
Trevor, what the hell are you doing in our trailer? [Lahey watches as the lion follows Trevor into the camper] Oh, shit! Trevor!
Stop, drop, and roll, Trevor!
Ricky, get this cat outta here or I'm pressing charges. There are kids that live here, for God's sake. You know, children? Family?
I know what fuckin' kids are, Lucy. And I'm a hell of a lot better father than you'll ever fuckin' be.
You have no idea how stupid you are, do you?
Randy just doesn't understand. I mean, I love him dearly, but I hate Ricky more. I just don't wanna put up with that prick for the rest of my life. You know, he grew up as a little shit spark from the ol' shit flint, and then he turned into a shit bonfire, and driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit firestorm. If I get to be married to Barb, I'll have total control of Sunnyvale, and then I can unleash a shit nom E tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit flames forever. And with any luck, he'll drown in the under shit of that wave. Shit waves. [Takes a sip of his rum]
RMRita McNeil
[singing "Working Man" while harvesting marijuana]
What in the fuck is going on? Can everybody please shut up?
Ricky, you're forcing Rita McNeil and her band to harvest dope at gunpoint. You could be a little fucking nicer!
RMRita Mcneil
[handing a dope plant to Ricky] Here's a good one, dear.
Ricky, what the fuck happened to your head, man?
Fucking Lahey blew me up! What happened to YOUR head? Why you wearing a wig, J-Roc? That's fucked.
Yo I ain't J-Roc, that muthafuka's in jail.
Yeah, that's not J-Roc. J-Roc's in jail 'til the album drops!
There is nothing better than being in jail at Christmas. Guards let you party for twelve days straight, got no fuckin' work chores or book readin's or Christmas trees or giving gifts or fuckin' lights... Fuck all that bullshit! [to other prisoners] Let's get fucked up!
GGuard
Ricky, you got somebody here to see you.
What are you talking about?
[Bubbles is warming up as Ricky walks into the room]
Bubbles! What are you doing here, buddy?
Hey Ricky! Julian bailed you out! You're out!
No, Bubs, no! I got twelve days of partying. Come back in twelve days, buddy.
Ricky, what are you talking about? Come on, we're getting you out! Sign out!
Oh my fuck! I don't wanna leave now! What the fuck's he doing bailing me out? Fuck! Thiebaud! Thiebaud, go get my shit. Apparently I'm out. Christmas is fuckin' ruined.
I can't believe Julian bailed me out. I mean, he knows how cool it is in jail at Christmas, and he ruined it anyways! Julian's up to something, I fuckin' know he is!
[The guard getting Ricky's things out of a storage room passes out, knocking over a shelf with a crash]
Jesus Christ. Dougie! Fuckin' Chris passed out again!
[Ricky walks into the storage room and grabs his coat, the other guard walks in]
I told you man, he's drinking rum and smoking weed! Keep him on the hash. Can't smoke weed and drink rum!
So tell me, buddy. What did you learn about being a man on the inside this time around, man?
Not shit, Rick. I'm talking about your soul. And we're going to Midnight Mass tomorrow night too, boys, by the way...
Way it goes! What did you learn about being a man?
Mostly just family stuff. I mean, well, a man is...is supposed to...always be thinkin' about stuff about his family and for to make himself to do things that are gonna good-er the family up-around and good-er it up. And that is what is a man.
Yeah. Yeah, no, you're--you're--you're right. But did you ever wonder why a smart guy like you is on this earth, Rick? Smart guy with a good soul, a guy who shouldn't be in jail?
Dad, don't be dissin' jail. Seriously. Don't fuckin' diss jail.
I'm not dissing jail, Rick. I'm not dissing jail, buddy. I'm talking about your spirituality here, okay? Come on, spirituality!
Dad, I write letters every year. You know that. I mean, I'm sending a letter off to the big guy tomorrow. So, it's taken care of. Done. No problem.
The letters... You and Mom got me to write them every year at Christmas. I'm sending one off tomorrow again.
The big guy?! The big guy? That's God, Ricky.
Yeah, God. That's what I said. Santa.
Ricky, come on. You know Santa and God aren't the same guy, right?
Dad, you didn't know that? I mean, think about it! How would he get around the world in one night? Of course he's the same person. Right, Bubs?
No, Ricky. Santa and God, that's two different things.
Oh my fuck! You know, I did maybe think that I fucked that up. I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to say anything just in case Santa was God. Like, it would obviously, probably, wouldn't it piss him off that I got that mixed up like that?
Well, yeah, Ricky, but... Man!
Bubs, you never mixed that up?
No, Ricky, I've never mixed that one up. Ricky, wait now. Were you counting on Santa to bring presents to Trinity?
Yeah. What, Santa's not coming now?
Well, that's fuckin' bullshit! Well, I've got no presents! What am I supposed to do? I need presents for Lucy and Trinity!
Great! Christmas is fucked!
Boys, get these trees delivered! Come on!
Hurry the fuck up, we gotta go down to the mall! Fuckin' nerds...
What the fuck are you guys doing? Huh? Grab a tree! Both of yas! One each!
You want one of these ones, er...
Just grab a fuckin' tree!
Julian, I can't get the tree out, it's stuck!
You can't get the tree out because you're a nerd! Why is there two nerds carrying one tree?! One tree per nerd! Goddamn fuckin' nerds!
Hey, do you like to party?
Oh my God, Randal? Are you a male prostitute?
You are. You're a male prostitute and you've been drinking!
No, I'm not a male prostitute! I work construction down in Florida. I got time off for Christmas.
Okay, I am a male prostitute and I've had a couple drinks.
Oh my God, you poor thing! Go on, get in my car and warm up. Do you like cheeseburgers, hon?
No! No, this is Jim. And Jim, this is Randal. Well, Randy. He's gonna be staying with us for a little while, just temporarily. I thought he could help you out around the park, you know, for a bit of food and a place to stay.
Well, yes. That is why I started the outreach program at the church. You just, um, you just make yourself at home, Randy.
[Barb walks out of the room]
Don't you say a fuckin' word! And don't call me Simon. Please never call me Simon, always Mr. Lahey! Always. Always!
Boys! Let's go. We have to get to church. Let's go.
Dad, I can't go to church. Got a bunch of dope from jail and we're going down to the pool hall to make some money!
Ricky, it's Christmas. We're going to church. That's the way it goes.
Ray, I've got gifts to sell. I'm not going to church. I can't go to church.
I'm not going to church. I have no interest in going.
Dad, I gotta sell my dope...
Way it goes! Way it goes, boys.
