[On The Stig]
Some say that he has 50,000 photographs of his own camera. [laughter] And that 60 years ago this week, he, too, became a queen.
S18 E3February 12th, 2012
So bearing in mind you can't jump off a bridge without breaking your back, was skydiving the perfect hobby to — to take up? [laughter]
RRRyan Reynolds
God, you're like my mother!
Old enough!
RRRyan Reynolds
Just killing me! My friends were trying to get their license, so I decided I would get my license, skydiving, and I did 12 jumps, which were all highly successful.
And then it was 13.
RRRyan Reynolds
And the 13th one, I had a problem, where the chute didn't open, and I had to pull the reserve. But the weird thing is, when you're in a situation like that, you're flying down at 120 miles per hour, and when your chute doesn't open,you seriously have to think about pulling the other one. That's the weird thing. Like time slows down and you're thinking,
"But if I pull the other one, then I'll have none left." [laughter] "So, I'm just going to wait to see if something happens."
And sure enough, at the last minute, I pulled the reserve chute, which you can't steer, and I ended up landing in a field which ironically contained only a dead horse. I don't know what omen that is. Usually, it's a black crow that tells you you're going to die, but I just landed next to a dead horse.
S18 E4February 19th, 2012
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, I wear a hat. James wears a hat. And Richard is behind a low wall.
This is a 1928 Le Mans-bodied 4.5-litre Bentley. Brian really does use this every day — he uses it to go down the shop for a pint of milk.
BJBrian Johnson
Go on, me son! Born to do it!
[voiceover] Despite the mangled gear changes, I was very much enjoying living in the past.
I can feel a moustache growing! God, the smell is tremendous. Hot castor oil. Well-known laxative, I'll probably have diarrhoea by the time we get there.
[voiceover] Brian, however, wasn't coping so well with living in the future.
[In the Fisker Karma]
BJBrian Johnson
Oh, Christ, now what happens? I'm getting near the bottom of me battery level, oh my word. Right, now... And... That means I have to do something, and I'm... Bugger. What... What the heck is that? I'm trying to follow James's instructions, which were as clear as mud.
[James is seen driving past in the Bentley from inside the car]
There he goes, flying by with his thumb up! He's having a whale of a time and I'm trying to figure out this computer thing.
[On The Stig]
To find out, we need a man skilled in the potent cocktail of big horsepower and little grip. And luckily, just such a man is arriving now. He's not the Stig's Alpine cousin, he's just The Stig.
[The Stig is seen arriving in a hovercraft]
Apparently he's come all the way across the North Sea in that.
[Jeremy's out-of-control Pro Rider mobility scooter is seen going down hill and eventually crashes into some trees while off camera Jeremy helplessly shouts a meme]
Fenton! Fenton! Fenton! Oh, Jesus Christ!
S18 E5February 26th, 2012
[in the news]
One place I could never understand why people stopped at was Little Chef. Because what they did was they took ingredients, and then ruined them.
I once stopped at a Little Chef very early in the morning and I said, "Can I have an omelette?" The woman said "No, I'm sorry sir, the powder hasn't arrived yet."
I once dropped a sausage from my plate at Little Chef, and it bounced. They made it out of old squash balls!
[While test driving the Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG Coupe Black Series]
Through the corners there's just no way that I can keep up with the man in the Maserati because he is driving a racing car and I... I'm wrestling a mad yellow bear! This, honestly, is Winnie The Pooh with road rage.
[In the Maserati GranTurismo MC Stradale]
If you take the gearbox out of race mode and put it in everyday "going to the shops" auto, it sits down there, in the bowels of the car thinking,
"Now, he's just pulled that lever, that means I have to do something. What is it? I have to bake a cake? No... Mow the lawn? No... I know! I'm a gearbox! He's pulled the lever, that means he wants third!"
It's so dim-witted and slow in normal mode, it makes the whole car feel like it isn't joined up properly.
[On The Stig]
Some say that he is the only man in history to buy a DFS sofa when there wasn't a sale on. And that his favourite boxing venue is Munich Airport. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
S18 E6March 4th, 2012
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, we get very cold and wet. I re-enact the Battle of Britain.
AJAlex James
Oh, nuts.
And there's a Blur in our reasonably-priced car.
[While waiting for Richard in his Morgan Threewheeler to pass by]
Come on, my little three-wheeled friend.
Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen.
Here he comes
Doff your hats. Roll out the barrel.
JJJeremy & James
[dancing and singing Any old iron] Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron...
I am going to give it the full Stirling Moss. Ya-a-ah!
Did you see him clinging on with his elbow? You could see the sinews in his arm.
The sound is from the 1930s. Did the picture go black and white as he went past?
I'm not having you judging.
What?
You can't play a game of Monopoly without cheating.
No, you can't. He did cheat at Monopoly.
I played these two at a game of Monopoly and he [points at James] cheated!
We played for four hours and you cheated!
I did not cheat!
You ruined the game! You made it - you robbed the bank!
There was a... [laughter] There was a bank robbery. But you don't get those in Monopoly and I thought it would make it more authentic if the bank was robbed.
What?
You stole it!
I've played the role -
So you're a cheat, a liar and a burglar!
[On The Stig]
Some say that he stores all his shoes and his cassette tapes on the motorway central reservation. And that since he can easily stay quiet for two hours, he's wondering why he didn't win an Oscar. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
S18 E7March 11th, 2012
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, Raikkonen...
KRKimi Raikkonen
Oops.
Evans...
CEChris Evans
Can't believe it.
Slash... and bash, as we do proper motor racing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.