The Venture Bros. · Season 1
Sweet, the action-figures came?
Finally, merchandising. That’s where the real money's at.
Cha-ching.
Actually, Hasbro passed. These I made myself.
Hmm, nice work. A little on the creepy side but... You sculpt these yourself?
Oh heavens no. I merely repainted a old MEGO-doll of The Falcon.
Argh.
Would you rather be Spock with a bald spot, I’ll trade you!
Orpheus, you drag us into this BS, so how do you wanna go out? Sitting in a peep-booth waiting for some Atari bitch to tell you Game-Over, or do you wanna finish what you started?
What do you mean?
I mean we already know where they're at, so lets go get them.
Yes, yes.
Yeah-yeah, Player-3 buying in.
Where is Dr. Venture?
Don’t worry, I found him, he’s right here. And, he wants to talk to you too.
[Entmann puts in the video-card]
Oh, hello Rusty!
No, Dr. Venture, It’s M.U.T.H.E.R.
You’re looking well. Enjoying your new life below ground?
No, Dr. Venture, we have much to talk about.
Ha-ha, good. Because today I like to talk to you about personal hygiene.
Oh OK.
Man seeks a good time, but he is not a hedonist. He seeks love! He just doesn't know where to look. He looks under the beds of whores and in the hot stem of a crack pipe. He should look to nature! Gentle aquatic mammals have all the answers!
(upon seeing Dr. Dugong for the first time) Ugh, you're all flesh-colored and...how much Thalidomide did your mom take?
You guys are sad. Why'd he decide to leave you here in the first place?
' Something about the conference having hot, desperate women.
And we had a bad run-in with the hot lava men of Tanga Island, so I can imagine how dangerous their women get when they're desperate!
I had true hatred with Venture. I didn't have to fake it! That sweet loathing just poured out of me whenever I saw his pathetic face. I just...I just wanted to kick his ass! I wanted to build a machine to kick his ass! I wanted to build an empire to house the machine TO KICK HIS ASS!
Then, by God, let's go take a dump in his pool!
Dude I can't believe we didn't get blown up. We're like those guys on TV who never get shot. Yeah we're like main characters.
Don't jinx it! See anything?
No I can't see squat with these tinted goggles on.
Douche, use the night vision. What's wrong with you? (he hits 21 on the side of his head and 21's night vision goggles turn on)
I can see everything! This is so cool, when did we get these?
Like, 1994.
Why don't I know this stuff?! Hey this is so rad. It's like Blair Witch-o-vision. Those kids' eyes look all glowy.
What kids?
Those two right over there!
What are you doing, get them!
Why can't we get a straight answer?
I just saw mum's clean panties.
Oh, when she was crouching? I tried not to look. Were they-
They were white panties, Kevin. White.
(sighs) White.
(Henchman 24 chases and tackles Dermott, who immediately starts to cough on him.)
What the hell are you doing?
I'm givin' you my earth germs! *cough, cough* I'm gonna kill you with my cold. *cough* Die, alien!
I'm not an alien, dillweed. I'm a henchman! And you're not a Venture Brother. Who the hell are you?
I'm Hank's friend.
Yeah, I doubt that.
Would you believe I'm... Brock Samson's long lost son?
If that were true, I don't think I would have caught you this easily.
I couldn't run because ...I had a lighter up my ass.
Ok, NOW I believe you're Hank's friend.
If I had a lady like your wife, I'd be with her right now and I'd be brushing her hair and then we'd explore our feelings.
If you had a lady like my wife, you would be in an alternate future where dogs talk and birds have human pets.
[Action Man flies in, guns blazing]
Actiooooon!
[He violently guns down several henchmen]
Action! Action! Action!
Whoa-whoa-whoa Rodney, what the hell are you doing?
What!? I'm winning the day!
Well take it down a notch! I mean, Ook-Ook's a mindless savage. And even he knows when to pull his punches!
[The Pirate Captain walks in on Sally Impossible while she's getting out of the shower. They both scream, and Sally's skin turns invisible, revealing her musculature. The Pirate Captain screams and runs out]
Oh, man. This is all kinds of uncomfortable. On, like, a couple of levels!
[Ned jumps into the rear seat of Professor Impossible's aircraft]
Ya! Super-car go! Go car!
I can't believe you slept with... Killermanjaro! I had no idea he...
Neither did he, 'til the day he tried to ambush me in the middle of a threesome with Gore Vidal and Wally Schirra.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
