The Venture Bros. Season 1 quotes

[Telepathically] You fantasize about conquering... the mother from Growing Pains?!

Oh, yeah, that episode where they showed her in the bathtub?

This is gonna be one of those things, isn't it?

Brock

Uh-huh.

I mean, you get a bunch of short-fused, costumed idiots together in one room like this, and what do you think's gonna happen? Any minute now, stuff's gonna start blowing up, guys'll be throwing each other at other guys.

Brock

Yeah, probably.

You know, when you're not the one in the middle of it all for once, it's actually totally, completely obvious.

Brock

Welcome to my life.

...but it's a melee, you live for that crap!

Brock

I'm your bodyguard, not your brother's. He can put out his own fire.

It’s too bad Col. Gentlemen couldn’t be here to basks in the glory with you. Oh, or did you guys get him killed too?

Dean

Its the ghost of Col. Gentlemen!

Thats for breaking my step-daughter’s heart.

Brock

Hey-hey-hey hey, now!

Don’t you try it Prince Adam, this old panther's still got moves that will make your mullet spin.

Dean

But, you’re suppose to be dead?

Nonsense, I'm a Ox.

Wait, Brock, don’t. We have to go back.

Brock

What?

He’s family and he’s in trouble. He needs us.

Brock

[Laughs] Get the fuck out of here.

Hah-hah. Had you going for a minute there, didn’t I? Huh!

Brock

Yeah.

Had you going.

Brock

Yeah, yeah.

Jonas Venture Jr.

Hey fellas, if I can get you to gather in the next room for a moment, I like to... What is this? Are you selling autographs?

Like gangbusters. We made table-money in like the first five minutes.

Jonas Venture Jr.

You can’t do that here. You’re cheapening the memory.

Listen Pot-Noodle, we are the memory, OK. Now I saw your "suggested donation box" on the way in. So unless your giving us a cut at the door, I suggest you go rouse Spider-man and the Great Gazoo over there.

[On the other table] Look at them, ratting us out to the man. Cowards!

I remember, when this was all under water.

Thats always sad when that happens.

I'M FLYING!!! MAKE A HAPPY SMILE!!

(disappointed) Ohhh! Our lightning cannon SUCKS! Who loaded it with robot food?!

What the fuck is that thing?

Ummm, I think it's a giant robot with a ice cream cone for one of its arms. I think.

I gotta ask this, is there a reason why you are always using 21 and 24?

I know it sounds crazy, but they both have the rare blend of expendable and invulnerable that makes them the perfect henchmen.

Brock

Aww no fuckin' way! Late 60's ultra death ray! She's amazing! Saddle operated with Doom-code gearing. Freakin' gorgeous.

If this were a woman, I'd marry it.

And I'd jeopardize our friendship by nailing your hot wife.

Brock

So you just wanna kill the Monarch? You want to shoot him, and his wife? You could take his cattle, burn his village down.

The Guild of Calamitous Intent is antagonist relations only.

Jonas Venture Jr

So who handles the good guys?

Whoa! (offended) I think the less hurtful term is protagonists.

Jonas Venture Jr

Oh. Yes. Sorry. Who handles the protagonists?

What, are you serious? OSI! Duh!

Jonas Venture Jr

Can you patch me through?

Oh, sure. (laughing) Just let me get my red phone! The hotline!

No, I'll shine the OSI signal!

No no, if we really believe, click our heels together and-

Jonas Venture Jr

Okay, okay! I get it! (hangs up)

Newbie. Did you see his creepy little body?!

Oh my god, when you were a kid, did you ever make G.I. Joe hump Rainbow Brite ?

Yeah.

He's what their kid would've looked like.

(holding out his hand) Jonas Venture Jr?

Jonas Venture Jr

(folding his arms) I am. And who are the dead men I'm speaking to?

That's a joke.

Regular cut-up.

Should give him a reality show.

I'd watch it.

I'd watch it twice.

Even if Flava Flav was in it.