Monarch quotes from The Venture Bros.

(upon seeing Dr. Dugong for the first time) Ugh, you're all flesh-colored and...how much Thalidomide did your mom take?

(disappointed) Ohhh! Our lightning cannon SUCKS! Who loaded it with robot food?!

Henchman 21, there's a taxi idling in the driveway awaiting his fare... slay him!

[on King Gorilla] He looks like a gorilla suit with nobody in it—wearing David Byrne's Stop Making Sense suit.

Honey, they're henchmen. You don't explain to them, they do your bidding. When you say "jump", they say, "what shark?"

Hank

What's your problem with our dad, anyway?!

(awkwardly) Well, I- he- he's my nemesis. My archenemy.

Dean

I don't think Pop thinks you're his archenemy.

Come on, I'm sure the walls of the Venture Compound are practically caked with the lingering curses of the Monarch's name.

Dean

Uhh, no. I've never even heard him mention you.

Hank

Yeah, I always thought Baron Ünderbheit was dad's arch-enemy.

(astounded) Ünderbheit!?! Why, that dime-store Doctor Doom isn't fit to...just you wait 'til your father calls me back!

All right, which one of you sold the Monarch out? OK, OK. I'm gonna turn around and close my eyes, and I want the guilty party to step forward. No judgments, you won't be punished, I just want to know who did it, OK?

Traitor! Dirty bastard traitor! I knew it was you, number...

Dr. Girlfriend

37.

Number 37! Strike him from the roster, Dr. Girlfriend.

(tastes a cup of soda and spits) What is this, diet? Why did you get diet?

Dr. Girlfriend

I didn't.

Taste this, then! (shoves the cup into Girlfriend's face)

Dr. Girlfriend

Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.

How do you do that?! How can you not tell the difference?! God, it's like having my dad do the shopping!

Tell him you're going out with the girls tonight or something, I don't care!

Dr. Girlfriend

He's not buying it.

Ooo, I know! Tell him you think it's moving too fast.

Brock

Take your time, Monarch, because the minute you finish your little speech, I'm going to kill you.

What are you, Obi-Wan Kenobi? Just look at you shmucks, I don't think I'm the one in danger here, considering the sad fact that right below you flows the mighty Amazon, teeming with the most gruesome fish to ever--

Hank

The piranha.

No.

Hank

The shark?

No!

Hank

(pause) The piranha?

NO!! And shut up! This isn't a quiz. Now where was I... right! The dreaded Candiru, a naughty little fish with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra, to feed on the damaged tissue of the pitiful mass of flesh you once called your PENIS!!

Dr. Girlfriend, would you come over here with me for a moment.

Dr. Girlfriend

(oblivious to the situation) Oh I guess the muscular one is alright, but the boy is just going too far. Can't we just use the puppet again?

Hank. Hank! I am your real father!

Hank

No way. No way, that's not true!

Psyche!! Ha, sucker! You were all (mimicking) "Oh daddy, you're my daddy!" You are so gullible! What is that like?!

Hank

Man, this is the coolest book ever! There's a guy in here who guards his headquarters with robot cheetahs!

Oh yeah, the Zoo Creeper. Oh, hey, am I in there?

Hank

Ummmmmm, nope.

M, for (shakes fist, intimidating glare) MONARCH!!

Hank

Uh-uh.

Try T, for (same fist-shaking and intimidating glare) THE MONARCH!!

Hank

Hmm, nothin'.

Hank

I had to sleep in my clothes. Now I feel gross wearing them two days in a row!

You're kidding me, right? That's the only outfit I've ever seen you in!

Hank

Well, that doesn't mean I never wash it.

Fair enough. Number 27! Get the kid a change of clothes! (Looking at Brock) How 'bout you? You ok?

Brock

I didn't sleep in my clothes.

27! Burn his sheets!

Brock

Why haven't you tried the world domination thing? You scared of the big leagues?

Please, how stupid do I look to you? World Domination. I'll leave that to the religious nuts and the Republicans, thank you.