“Tears of a Sea Cow” quotes from The Venture Bros.

Man seeks a good time, but he is not a hedonist. He seeks love! He just doesn't know where to look. He looks under the beds of whores and in the hot stem of a crack pipe. He should look to nature! Gentle aquatic mammals have all the answers!

The Monarch

(upon seeing Dr. Dugong for the first time) Ugh, you're all flesh-colored and...how much Thalidomide did your mom take?

You guys are sad. Why'd he decide to leave you here in the first place?

Hank

' Something about the conference having hot, desperate women.

Dean

And we had a bad run-in with the hot lava men of Tanga Island, so I can imagine how dangerous their women get when they're desperate!

The Monarch

I had true hatred with Venture. I didn't have to fake it! That sweet loathing just poured out of me whenever I saw his pathetic face. I just...I just wanted to kick his ass! I wanted to build a machine to kick his ass! I wanted to build an empire to house the machine TO KICK HIS ASS!

Then, by God, let's go take a dump in his pool!

Dude I can't believe we didn't get blown up. We're like those guys on TV who never get shot. Yeah we're like main characters.

Don't jinx it! See anything?

No I can't see squat with these tinted goggles on.

Douche, use the night vision. What's wrong with you? (he hits 21 on the side of his head and 21's night vision goggles turn on)

I can see everything! This is so cool, when did we get these?

Like, 1994.

Why don't I know this stuff?! Hey this is so rad. It's like Blair Witch-o-vision. Those kids' eyes look all glowy.

What kids?

Those two right over there!

What are you doing, get them!

Why can't we get a straight answer?

I just saw mum's clean panties.

Oh, when she was crouching? I tried not to look. Were they-

They were white panties, Kevin. White.

(sighs) White.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm givin' you my earth germs! *cough, cough* I'm gonna kill you with my cold. *cough* Die, alien!

I'm not an alien, dillweed. I'm a henchman! And you're not a Venture Brother. Who the hell are you?

I'm Hank's friend.

Yeah, I doubt that.

Would you believe I'm... Brock Samson's long lost son?

If that were true, I don't think I would have caught you this easily.

I couldn't run because ...I had a lighter up my ass.

Ok, NOW I believe you're Hank's friend.

If I had a lady like your wife, I'd be with her right now and I'd be brushing her hair and then we'd explore our feelings.

The Monarch

If you had a lady like my wife, you would be in an alternate future where dogs talk and birds have human pets.