Dean Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Dean

THEY'RE HERE!

Hank

Dude, sit down. You have to play it cool. Observe how I scope out my mystery date whilst I pretend to look at my watch. (Sees Kim with Triana walking in) Holy moley, look at my date! She's a supervillain, possibly a Medusa. Dean, I am not kidding, she has rope for hair and a shiny costume. Aw, not fair, she's wearing goggles! Told you she would dig my Batman suit, but NO!

Wow, that guy's, like, just a torso.

Hank

Yeah, that's Phantom Limb. I don't think he professionally hates my dad, but he totally hates my dad. I think he used to be a famous magician. And one time, while performing for the Queen of England, he accidentally made his arms and legs disappear. They are now on the Moon with a bunch of rabbits and doves and...and playing cards and pretty assistants and some milk.

Dean

Never happened.

Hank

Did. I also heard he sliced off a kid's hand and ate it. Yeah, it was that big-headed guy that operated on your balls, Dean.

Dean

HANK, don't you have to go to the bathroom?

Hank

Whoa, what are you, psychic? I totally do — weird. Well ladies, it seems that young Dean here needs an escort to the bathroom. If there's any trouble, you just give the Hankinator a holler.

Hank

What? Ahh, come on!! Why does that happen? I shook it so hard I almost hit that pink puck.

Dean

Well, did you dab?

Hank

What?

Dean

Dab. Did you dab?

Hank

Uhh... no.

Dean

I dab.

Hank

Well I don't.

Dean

You should dab.

Hank

Stop saying dab!

Hank

Dude! Stop wailing on my junk! Throw water on it!

Dean

No way! That's what started this!

Hank

Well, then take it easy! Just dab. Dab it!

(looking from stall) I can't believe it's hard to kill these two.

(on the toilet) Don't talk to me. If I push any harder, I'm gonna pop a gasket.

Hank

Ow!

Dean

What's the matter?

Hank

My tongue keeps getting caught in the mouth slit.

Dean

Don't stick it in the slit then.

Hank

I can't help it! It's maddening.

Minefield, minefield!

Brock

I SEE IT!!

Dean Venture

Everybody into the black box! It's indestructible!

Yeah, pretty sure my scoliosis is going the other way now.

Hank

My butt won't stop making a fist!

Dean

At least you have one.

You're blessed with your father's ass, Dean. Learn to love stadium cushions. I told you to lock down...

Brock

We don't have auxiliary power!!!

Dean Venture

What have you done with Pop?!?

Baron Ünderbheit

Your father is resting comfortably in a makeshift holding cell, soon--

Dean Venture

What have you done with my brother?!?

Baron Ünderbheit

He, too, is being held in the--

Dean Venture

What have you done with our secret agent bodyguard?!?

Baron Ünderbheit

(frustrated) They're all in the same place, okay?!?

Dean

Wow, a girl president! How progressive!

Hank

And a Hitler! Boy, things are really looking up!

Dean

You should see a doctor! It smells like you pounded garbage into your butt!

Hank

Knock it off. We have a mystery in our bathroom. Query: Can flames come out of a toilet?

Dean

Hank, if you did this...

Hank

I didn't! Dude, if I did this, I would tell you! I would be, like, almost proud of this!

Triana

Ooohhh, Hank! What is wrong with you?

Dean

Right? It smells like a bible story in here.

Triana

Did my grandpa teach you to crap?

Alright Dean,I,er...need to talk about a few things with you.

Dean

Hank did it.

Hank

Dude, what is your damage?

Dean

I saw something! I think this place is... haunted!

Hank

Aw, you're just being superstitious.

Dean

I am not! Just extra-stitious.

Venture Brothers!

Dean

(screams)

You must help me! Colonel Manstrong is going to assassinate the president!

Dean

Hank! Wake up! It's the ghost of Abraham Lincoln!

Hank

(waking up) Who?

Microchip! Microchip! It's in the back of his head! His mother is using it to control him and she's going to make him assassinate the president!

Dean

It just sounds a little far-fetched.

Hank

Yeah, thank you, I'm glad you said it.

Didn't either of you see The Manchurian Candidate? Not even the remake with Denzel? Come on, I've been dead for seven score years and even I—

Hank

Who is this guy?

Abraham Lincoln! Sixteenth president of the United States! Come on, you're kidding me!

Dean

Yeah, didn't you learn anything in bed?

All right. All right, how 'bout this? I'm the five dollar bill guy.

Hank

You invented the five dollar bill?

Yes, Hank. (shaking his head in resignation) Yes, I did. Dean, you seem to be a little more on the ball here. Help me stop Manstrong.

Dean

Why do you need us?

Because I'm immaterial. Look at this. (Passes arm through Hank and Dean.) It's a no go! I need to possess one of your bodies. Just for a little while. Until I can stop him. Will one of you do that for me? For the Union?

Hank

Not it!

Dean

Not it!

Hank

OnetwothreefourfivesixseveneightninetenJINX! You owe me a coke!

Dean

Aww.