Hank Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Hank

This is important. Get your ass to Mars!

Brock

Stay back! Another one of those mummies got stuck in our landing gear.

Who dares to desecrate the sacred tomb of- oof!

Ow! Hey, hey! Wait a minute. (Brock breaks the mummys arm.) There's no reason to - aarghhh! (Brock delivers a karate chop to the throat.) Oof! Ow, oh, hey!

Hank

Holy toledo, he ripped on him!

Dean

Way to give him a little chin music Brock!

Well that ought to take care of tha-

Dean

Look, Brock still ain't done with him!

Hank

That's showing him who's boss, Brock-O!

Was that really necessary?

Brock

You have to defile a mummy completely or they'll come back to life. You know that.

Dean

We knew you wouldn't let us down.

Hank

And just in the nick of time, too. Monarch was gettin' all 'creepy uncle' on us.

Hank

(trying to pick a lock) Double dammit!

Dean

Hank, you said the double-D word!

Hank

What's your problem with our dad, anyway?!

(awkwardly) Well, I- he- he's my nemesis. My archenemy.

Dean

I don't think Pop thinks you're his archenemy.

Come on, I'm sure the walls of the Venture Compound are practically caked with the lingering curses of the Monarch's name.

Dean

Uhh, no. I've never even heard him mention you.

Hank

Yeah, I always thought Baron Ünderbheit was dad's arch-enemy.

(astounded) Ünderbheit!?! Why, that dime-store Doctor Doom isn't fit to...just you wait 'til your father calls me back!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

Off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

Off!

Dean

It's on!

That's called 'blinking', boys...

Hank

Now it's just regular on.

Phantom Space Man!

Hank

But Pop, you're bleeding!

Uh? Oh, this. Uh, no, it's fairly common for some men to lactate involuntarily in situations of extreme stress.

Hank

(pointing to Dean's wet pajama bottoms) Dean's lactating too!

Hank

Yeah, but did you get the first aid kit?

I don't need first aid, Hank, I need you to stop choking me and hitting me with fire extinguishers.

What the hell are you smiling about?

Hank

(dreamily) Brock said I'm the man of the house while he's gone.

(annoyed) Oh, so you think you're a big man now, huh?

Hank

(uneasily) Uh, no...sir?

Think you can take your old dad, huh? I knew this day would come! Go ahead, big man, take your best shot!

Hank

What...what do you mean, pop?

Dean

No! Stop it, you two! This family's tearing itself apart! (begins to cry)

You proud of yourself, big man? Look what you're doing to your poor brother!

Hank

Dude, look, elephants!

Dean

That's... (rummages through box of wildlife cards) "Loxodonta africana." You can tell which ones are the males because they're the only ones with tusks.

Hank

I got no problem tellin' which one's the male, bro. Check out the fifth leg on that beast!

Dean

It's called a trunk.

Hank

It's called "you're a spaz", and that ain't what I'm talkin' about.

Hank

What are you, on the rag?

(exasperated) It's impossible for me to be on the rag, I'm a...I can't believe I'm even arguing about this with you! What men's room did you pick up that kind of trash talk in? (the boys point at Brock, who shrugs)

Dean

I spy a...um... (shuffling through cards) huh. I don't have a card for that one.

Hank

If you don't knock it off with the wildlife cards already, you're going to be spying my foot up your wow-hole, Dean. Seriously.

Hank

Dean that's great and I can't wait to hear all about it, only Brock's stuck inside Dad's thing that makes people happy. But it's all evil.

Dean

I dare you to make less sense.

Hank

I was on the floor and I heard everything! And I have a plan!

Hank

So what super-cool adventure are we goin' on today? Should I get my SCUBA gear?

Brock

We're not goin' anywhere. Your father's workin' on this...thing.

Hank

SCUBA. SCUBA. SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA. Say SCUBA.

Brock

SCUBA.

Hank

SCUBA. It sounds funny. SCUBA.

Brock

SCUBA. Yeah it does.