Esteban quotes from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Esteban, good news. I have booked the Boston Ballroom Dance Competition for here at the Tipton. Now, if your school takes first place, you'll get $1,000.

Esteban

Oh, gracias, Mr. Moseby. You booked this to help me pay for my sister's quinceñiera.

No, I just wanted a trophy.

Esteban

[to the twins] So, little blonde peoples, to help me help my little sister, (begging) will you please take my ballroom dance class?

Zack

We're into more manly sports.

Cody

Yeah, we're more slam dunks then, grande jeté!

Zack

And some of us are even to manly too say, let alone do, a grande jeté.

Jessica

Actually, I adore ballroom dancing.

Janice

Me too. It's so romantic.

Jessica

Really romantic.

(cheerfully turn to Esteban) SIGN US UP!!

Esteban

What are you all doing here?

Carey

Cody said you were teaching dance and we couldn't wait to learn from the great Esteban.

Esteban

So he told you I was desperate for money and you took pity on me.

Carey

Pretty much.

Esteban

And I'm okay with that.

Carey

Okay!

London

Ooh, sign me up, too! I have a whole closet full of ballroom dancing clothes I finally get to wear, then throw out.

Leo

(coughing) Is this the ballroom dance class?

Esteban

Oh, yes, it is. Are you here to enroll?

Leo

Yes. My doctor told me I needed some exercise, but my nurse Shannon won't let me chase her around the living room anymore. (starts crying) I'll be all right.

Esteban

Okay, everyone. Let's go over what dance each couple will be doing. London, Lance, what do you feel comfortable doing?

London

Shopping.

Lance

Swimming.

Esteban

I meant what dance.

Lance

The swim.

London

The shop.

Esteban

The Samba it is.

Esteban

Lori? Where'd she go?

Well, she said you were all pathetic losers and left.

Leo

What did she say?!

You were a pathetic loser.

Leo

Oh.

Maddie

Esteban, thanks again for being my camera man.

Esteban

I prefer cinema photographer. Ok, how do you work this thing?

Maddie

You push the little red button.

Esteban

Oh. Start, aaah, stop, start, stop, start...

Maddie

Stop!

Esteban

Ok.

Maddie

Not until I say "action". Ok, London, your character is selling her wares.

London

What wares?

Maddie

Those wares.

London

Where?

Maddie

There! Your wares are there!

London

The pears? The pears are my wares?

Maddie

Ok, Lance, remember, you're rich.

Lance

Rich who?

Maddie

No, I mean you have money.

Lance

So I'm rich and my name is Rich? Cool.

Maddie

No, no. your name isn't Rich.

Lance

What's my name then?

Maddie

It doesn't matter.

Lance

Then why can't it be Rich?

Maddie

Ok, it's Rich! Look, I am trying to win a film festival here, people! Ok, Lance, you're about to enter the hotel when you see this poor girl in tattered clothing.

London

Oh, thanks for lending me your clothes, Maddie.

Maddie

Right...

Maddie

By the way, what exactly does this "curse" do to you?

Esteban

Let's just say you will live your life in agonizing poverty.

Maddie

I get that now.

Esteban

And your skin melts off, your hair bursts into flames and your eyes pop off.

Maddie

Eww! That would so put a damper on prom!

Maddie

Give me the hat!

Esteban

Aah!

Zack

He won't hurt you!

Maddie

Not if I have the hat!

Esteban

Oh, no! Don't unwrap it! Who knows what it looks like after thousands of years! Aah, it hideous!

Carey

Come here, honey, are you okay?

Cody

Swell. I'm just a little dizzy.

Zack

Welcome back, buddy.

Cody

Welcome back? You left me wrapped up for hours. Where have you been? I thought you were coming right back to get me.

Zack

Well, we did. But the mummy we took was just a doll wrapped in gauze. It was a total fake!

How did you find out the mummy was a fake?

Maddie

It's a fake?

No.

London

Liar, liar, cargo pants on fire! This necklace is probably plastic! Here, Maddie, you can have it.

Actually, the necklace is real emerald.

London

Thanks for holding it for me, Maddie.

Carey

If the artifacts are real, why would you have a fake mummy?

Because I couldn't find the real one. I spent eight years in the jungle, living on beetles and bats' blood.

Eew.

I've found all these beautiful treasures. But nobody cares about them if I don't have some stupid mummy. It's all about the mummy... mummy, mummy, mummy!

Carey

I think he has mummy issues.

Okay, people. The best way to understand a co-worker is by stepping into their shoes.

London

But, I'm a dainty size 3, Maddie has the feet of Sasquatch!

Maddie

He means we act like someone else to see their point of view. For example, I'll be you! (imitating London) Mint me, Candy Girl! Even though you're busy, forget the other customers because I'm more important! Yay me! (claps hands)

London

(imitating Maddie) Sorry, London. I can't right now, because I have to tell you a boring story about one of my weird relatives. Do me a favor and pretend to listen, would you? While I go on, and on, and on wearing my really ugly clothes!

Nia

(imitating Maddie) Oh, and let's not forget, since I'm back from saving the penguins, I want everyone to drop what they're doing and do it the way I want it!

Millicent

(imitating Nia) And, I'm Nia. I can make you do anything I say because I'm tough and can crush you like a grape! (Nia gets mad at Millicent) I was talking about another Nia.

Nia

Uh-huh.

Carey

Ooh! I'll do Patrick! (imitating Patrick) Well, (fixes her hair) I suppose I could get you to finish dinner in time to see Carey Martin's show, but that would mean working hard. (everyone else gasps)

Arwin

(thinking he is imitating Estaban) Mr. Moseby! Mr. Moseby! Can I take something that's working perfectly well and do some conveluded thing to it until it breaks? (laughs)

Carey

Arwin, I don't think you're supposed to imitate yourself.

Arwin

Oh, I thought I was doing Esteban.

No, no, no. Esteban is more like this. (imitating Esteban) Oh, Mr. Moseby! Oh, can I have a day-off? Because, my chicken has chicken pox, and I can't feed him chicken soup, 'cause he's a chicken! Did I mention the fact that I have a chicken?

Esteban

(imitating Mr. Moseby) Oh, very well! Good luck with that! Oh, keep carrying those bags, Esteban, like a pack mule! While I sit in my office talking to my mommy!

(imitating Esteban after all the lights go out) This is a disaster!

Esteban

Oh, no! This is a disaster!

London

You dinged?

Esteban

No, you're supposed to say, "May I hep you?"

London

May I what?

Esteban

You know, hep! Hep, Hep.

London

Hooray!

Less cheering, more bellhopping.

Esteban, I have great news. There has been a peaceful change of government in our country and your family's back in power!

Esteban

You mean grandfather Geraldo Juan Carlos Diego Pepe Bombaro Lupe Abarto Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez has taken the throne again?

No. The other one.

Esteban

Oh, you mean Fred?

London, the best thing for Esteban to do is keep that money in the bank. Save it for a rainy day.

Esteban

Ooh. That is a good point.

London

But if it's a rainy day, he can just take his helicopter to someplace dry.

Esteban

Ooh. That is a good point, too.

Esteban

I'm going to go to my apartment and think about this.

London

You can't stay at that ratty little place.

Esteban

How did you know I had a ratty little place?

London

Well, compared to me, everyone has a ratty little place.