Moseby quotes from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Carey

Have you seen my kids?

No. Have you seen my employees?

Carey

No.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Carey

Me, too, but let's stay calm. I'm sure my kids are fine and your hotel is in one piece [hears explosion] or pieces.

This painting has been hanging in the Tipton for nearly a hundred years.

Zack

Oh good, now you can buy a new one!

Old is good.

Cody

And that's what makes you great!

Esteban

Oh, Mr. Moseby, forgive us. Back home they would tie my arms and legs to four goats and send them off in different directions... It is also what they do for the people with bad backs!

Cody

[to Zack] I don't need anymore of your help! Just keep out of my way and stay over there.[flour is flicked into Zack's face]

Zack

Did you just flick flour into my face?

Cody

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

Zack

[flicks flour into Cody's face in retaliation] Well maybe I flicked some back, and maybe I didn't.

Cody

[calmly] I know you didn't, because if you did, I'd do this! [cracks an egg over Zack's egg, the yolk running over his head] And that is how you separate an egg!

Zack

And this is how you separate a pie from its pan. [pies Cody in the face and runs off, with Cody chasing him into the lobby]

Cody

[holding a pie] Come back here and take this banana creme pie like a man!

He wouldn't! [Cody throws the pie at Zack, who ducks. The pie ends up hitting a socialite in the face] He would!

Maddie

I didn't even know that woman was a reporter.

London

Oh, so you just gossip about me in general?

Maddie

Only because you gossiped about me, and it spread through the whole hotel.

London

Well, you gossiped about me, and it spread all over the world.

Maddie

But you started it!

London

Nuh-uh!

Maddie

Uh-huh!

London

Oh, don't you uh-huh my nuh-uh!

I think you are both at fault here. And I think we can all learn something from this. Even though gossiping is an irresistible temptation, on any level, gossip is hurtful. Now the best way to not spread it is to not listen to it.

London

Don't worry. I'll get us in there to see him rehearse. After all, he's a celebrity. I'm a celebrity. We're first celebrities once removed.

You go in there and you'll be removed.

Esteban, the hotel limo is just out front. See if the driver can make it to the airport. Free of charge, of course.

Zack

You would really do that for us, Mr. Moseby?

Of course, Zack. I want you boys to have the best Christmas possible even if it means being far, far, far away from my hotel!

Speaking of all day shopping, I just received a fax from your father. He feels you've been spending too much money.

London

That's ridiculous! I'm saving him money. Ivana's contact lenses? Second pair free!

London, I'm afraid your father is adamant.

London

I thought his name was Wilfred.

...Yes, it is! What I'm saying is that he wants you to limit yourself to just buying the necessities. Good luck with that!

Maddie

[looking at the fax] You know your dad seems pretty serious this time.

London

What makes you think that?

Maddie

Well he's capitalized and underlined "disinherit."

London

[gasps] The "D" word!? [to Ivana] Don't worry snookums. Mommy won't let that happen to you.

Maddie

Oh please. You couldn't go one hour without shopping.

London

I can so! I can do anything! After all, I am the daughter of Adamant Tipton.

Maddie

Wilfred.

London

Whatever.

Bob

Where are they going?

With any luck, the Bermuda Triangle

London

You never gave up on me when I was learning the alphabet!

But that took 14 years!

London

And now I know my ABDs.

Cody, you hang out in the hotel kitchen a lot, don't you?

Cody

Yes!

Well, don't. I just got a tip that the food critic Bernard Bernaise is coming to the hotel tomorrow. A good review from him will enhance the Tipton's reputation, thus showering me with glory.

Cody

Don't you mean showering chef Paolo in glory?

Him, too.

Cody

After all, the man's a genius. The things he can do with asparagus... I need a moment...

Zack

You need a life!

London

Is the critic here yet?

Oh, well, there's no way of knowing. According to my secret source, he always checks in under an alias.

Maddie

You have a secret source?

At the league of extraordinary hotel managers. If only I could find out which guest he is, then I could make sure he gets the perfect dining experience.

Maddie

So what you are saying is you need someone to spy on all the guests?

London

Someone sly and crafty.

Someone who's willing to break all the rules to get what he wants.

Zack

You know... we don't come cheap!

[talking to Mr. Tipton on cell phone] No, sir, that's Mrs. Delacourt.

[talks into phone] Of the Boston Delacourts. We own the larger island next to yours. By the way, your yacht looks a tad ratty!

Arwin

(about the 24-hour bellhop) This will increase efficiency by 13.4%.

How did you arrive at that figure?

Arwin

I made it up.

Carey

Having a younger sibling can be tough. I remember torturing my younger sister.

I didn't know you had a sister.

Carey

Yeah. She doesn't talk to me any more.

Zack

Mr. Moseby, you think you could open the icecream bar a bit earlier today?

Absolutely not, there is no...

I could go for an ice cream.

Consider it open! Let me call our frozen confections engineer.

Zack

Thanks man, that was awesome!

Need anything else?

Cody

Yeah, a basketball that comes back up after it hits the ground.

Well, why won't you come back to my place. I've got dozens of basketballs and a regulation court.

Zack

You have a basketball court outside your house?

Inside, right next to the bowling alley. [to Moseby] Tell mom I'm taking the car.

Zack

You have a car?

Well, if you consider a stretched limo with a hot tub and a big screen tv a car then yeah...

Zack

Dude, where have you been all my life!

Cody

Hot tub - called it!

Why is there a crying baby in the lobby?

Maddie

It's not a real baby. It's our homework assignment.

Is there any way you can get your homework assignment to shut up?