Zack quotes from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Zack

Cody, I have a date with Ella this Saturday and I need you to go with us.

Cody

Oh no! I know what you're doing and I'm not going out with her creepy sister...

Zack

But you...

Cody

...or brother...

Zack

C'mon you-

Cody

...or dog.

Zack

[to Cody] Would you relax? You can go with whoever you want.

Cody

Why do I need to go with you at all?

Zack

Because...I really wanna impress Ella and no matter what we end up doing, you just make me look better.

Carey

(after finishing her push-ups) TEN! (reaches to grab the donut)

Zack

(takes the donut before Carey)

Carey

Honey, that was my reward!

Zack

Well being a mother reward enough?

Zack

[to Ella] Your hair looks really pretty under the glow of the tiki torches.

Thanks. Wait until you see it blowing under the windmill.

You should see my hair under the windmill.

Zack

(to Ella privately) Yeah, how do you think it got that way?

I heard that!

[to Zack] By the way, I let you win.

Zack

Did not... did you?

Maybe I did... maybe I didn't.

Zack

Oh, so that's how you want it? Fine. Best 2 out of 3.

You're on.

Zack

Oh, and if you win, it's best 5 out of 9.

Zack

(bends golf club)

(through mic) You bend it, you buy it! Lousy kid.

Those other competitors were quaint with fear when they saw me coming with Big Bula.

Zack

Was Big Bula the name of your club?

Nope. My mother. Bula Moseby. That woman is 250 pounds of fire and brimstone. And 20 pounds of coffee cake.

Cody

What's wrong, Chef Paolo?

It's the results of my blood test.

Zack

It can't be that bad.

They found bacon bits!

Zack

Oh, hey, Jamie. Here to play some basketball?

No. The wheelchair exit's out there.

Zack

Oh, you mean the skateboard ramp?

Zack

What are you doing on the court?

Well, I decided I'd better play. Not that I want to, but I can't let you guys turn our team into a laughing stock.

Bob

Too late.

Trent

Oh, it's never too late!

Bob

Dude, you're spitting on me.

Zack

Welcome back to the team.

Cody

But who's Jamie going in for?

Zack

Well, I'll give you a hint. His number rhymes with nerdy.

Zack

Remember those kids playing basketball in the lobby? Well I was hoping that if Jamie meets them, he might be interested in basketball again.

Cody

He was the best player on our team.

Zack

Ahem.

Cody

He was the best player on our team.

Zack

Can't you throw?

Cody

Can't you catch?

Zack

Well I'd catch it if you could throw it.

Cody

Well I'd throw it if you could catch it.

Trent

HEY! Do you guys know what I hate more than losing?

Zack

What?

Trent

YOU TWO!

Carey

Boys, what's going on here?

Zack

There's a dead body in that bag!

Are these your kids?

Carey

Are you guys cops?

No.

Carey

Then, yes.

Have fun on your vacation, Madeleine.

Maddie

Fun? It's 20 degrees colder in Minnesota than it is here. Penguins go there and say: "wow, it's cold, let's leave".

London

They have talking penguins there, and you still don't want to go?

Zack

Bye, Maddie. [hugs her]

Cody

Bye, Maddie. [hugs her]

Carey

Bye, Maddie. [hugs her]

Zack

[pulling Carey away and hugging Maddie again] Bye, Maddie.

Carey

Zack, remember how we talked about people's personal space?

Zack

Yeah, and I like Maddie's space the best.

There they are!

Great news! We've sold Zack and Cody!

Marvellous! I'll get some bubble wrap, and we'll ship them off immediately!

No, we've sold a sitcom about twin boys living in a hotel, and you're all in it!

Oh! we're going to be stars!

Hooray!

No, you're not, we'll hire actors to play you.

Oh...

But you're all invited to Hollywood to be consultants on the show!

Hooray!

But you'll have to pay your own way there.

Oh...

London

We could all go in my private jet!

Hooray!

London

But we're all out of salted nuts.

Oh...

I've had enough of this silliness. I'm out of here.

Hooray!

I heard that.

Maddie

Give me the hat!

Esteban

Aah!

Zack

He won't hurt you!

Maddie

Not if I have the hat!

Esteban

Oh, no! Don't unwrap it! Who knows what it looks like after thousands of years! Aah, it hideous!

Carey

Come here, honey, are you okay?

Cody

Swell. I'm just a little dizzy.

Zack

Welcome back, buddy.

Cody

Welcome back? You left me wrapped up for hours. Where have you been? I thought you were coming right back to get me.

Zack

Well, we did. But the mummy we took was just a doll wrapped in gauze. It was a total fake!

How did you find out the mummy was a fake?

Maddie

It's a fake?

No.

London

Liar, liar, cargo pants on fire! This necklace is probably plastic! Here, Maddie, you can have it.

Actually, the necklace is real emerald.

London

Thanks for holding it for me, Maddie.

Carey

If the artifacts are real, why would you have a fake mummy?

Because I couldn't find the real one. I spent eight years in the jungle, living on beetles and bats' blood.

Eew.

I've found all these beautiful treasures. But nobody cares about them if I don't have some stupid mummy. It's all about the mummy... mummy, mummy, mummy!

Carey

I think he has mummy issues.