Paulie Walnuts quotes from The Sopranos

I think he's dyin'.

Paulie Walnuts

Must've cracked his windpipe. That's it for him.

What, are you a fuckin' doctor now? What're we gonna do?

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[over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast; the guy you're looking for is an ex-commando. He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!

Paulie Walnuts

Get the fuck outta here...

Yeah, nice huh? He was with the Interior Ministry, guy's some kinda Russian Green Beret. This guy cannot come back to tell this story, you understand?!

Paulie Walnuts

I hear ya.

[connection breaking up] I'm serious, Paulie!

Paulie Walnuts

Tone? Tone, you there?

Ah, d- FUCK! CALL ME BACK!

[Paulie hangs up and turns to Christopher]

Paulie Walnuts

You’re not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator!

...His house looked like shit!

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Paulie Walnuts

I can't believe it. I fuckin' loved that car.

Bobby Baccilieri

Probably kids or somethin'.

What if it was the guy?

You got the money.

Paulie Walnuts

It was in the car.

It's all I asked you ta do Paulie.

Paulie Walnuts

Sorry T, it couldn't be helped. Guy fuckin' lunged at us. [Chris nods yes] Listen Tone, I know I fucked up, but-

It's okay, really. Just forget it.

Bobby Baccilieri

What do ya think? Wanna look fer this guy or what?

You tell me. Is it worth it?

Paulie Walnuts

I hit 'im in the head Tone. I saw it with my own eyes.

Is it possible this fuck made it outta here alive?

Bobby Baccilieri

It's hard to say. Flesh wound maybe. Head shot, I dunno. On the other hand, anything's possible.

[to Paulie] You're a captain. What do you wanna do?

Paulie Walnuts

Fuck it. Lets go home.

Alright. But lets be clear on this right now. This cocksucka crawls out from under a rock, he's your problem, not mine. You deal with Slava, you take the heat. You pay the price. Capice?

Paulie Walnuts

Fine.

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[Christopher is urinating by the van]

Paulie Walnuts

Ohhhh! Do that by yer own window, I don't wanna smell yer piss!

Fuck you.

Paulie Walnuts

What'd you say?

You heard me.

Paulie Walnuts

Don’t make me pull rank on you kid.

Fuck you, Paulie. Captain or no Captain, right now we're just two assholes lost in the woods.

Paulie Walnuts

Do yerself a favor, Chrissy and go back to fuckin' sleep.

Why? So you can choke me?

Paulie Walnuts

What?

Think I'm stupid? [Paulie opens the van door] I heard ya on the phone tryin' to blame this on me.

Paulie Walnuts

Fuck you talkin' about?

You fucked up with the Russian prick, now you're worried about Tony. You wait till I'm asleep then you'll choke me so he'll just have your version.

Paulie Walnuts

Choke ya right now, you fuck!

[Paulie lunges at Christopher, who pulls his gun out]

I'll leave you here, you one-shoe cocksucker!

Paulie Walnuts

Put it down Chrissy.

You know how fast I can run, I'll leave you in the fuckin' dust!

Paulie Walnuts

All the shit we’ve been through, you think I’ll really kill you?

Yeah, I do.

[After a tense moment, Christopher laughs and backs off]

Paulie Walnuts

Promise me you won't leave me here.

I'm not gonna leave ya.

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Paulie Walnuts

You're late.

Ralph Cifaretto

Well, tomorrow I could be on time, but you'll be stupid forever.

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Paulie Walnuts

I can't believe this!

Ralph Cifaretto

Why not? Last year, you believed a flyin' saucer was over East Rutherford.

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Little Paulie Germani

Ralph told this funny fuckin' joke though at umm..at Albert's party. He goes, "Ginny Sack had a ninety five pound mole surgically taken off her ass."

Paulie Walnuts

He said that?

Little Paulie Germani

Yeah...

Paulie Walnuts

And you think its funny?

Little Paulie Germani

Uh...it's some bad taste...huh?

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Vito Spatafore

What can I get you Paulie?

Paulie Walnuts

After four months inside? How 'bout laid?

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Oh! It's Papillon. (To Paulie)

Paulie Walnuts

Oh, hello Sil! How are ya?

I heard you were gettin' laid up there all the time.

Paulie Walnuts

Come here, you little prick. Hello, Chrissy. (Paulie hugs Chris)

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(about Ralph) That poor fuckin' guy...

Paulie Walnuts

Fuck him and his alligator tears.

Paulie, his kid's in the hospital. A little fuckin' sympathy, huh?

Paulie Walnuts

That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the ICU with arrows in their heads...he's a piece o' shit. You know it, and I know it.

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MMMinn Matrone

I've been driving since I was a young girl.

Paulie Walnuts

Horse and buggies don't count.

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You have any idea what Albert kicked up last week?

Paulie Walnuts

Fuck that fuckin' parakeet. I got a relationship with Tony Albert'll never have. No matter how far he sticks his tongue up Tony's ass.

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Paulie Walnuts

It's your fault anyway. All this shit started with that Russian prick when I had to go pick up your five grand.

You know things might be a little different, Paulie, if you'd accept some responsibility for a change.

Paulie Walnuts

You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?

Ohhhh! I'm just tellin' you how you're bein' fuckin' perceived!

Paulie Walnuts

Just worry about how you're fuckin' perceived! Nobody knows what the future holds, my friend.

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Paulie Walnuts

Always playin' that blood relation card! Tony's little favorite!

Fuck you!!!

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Paulie Walnuts

I'll tell ya, after a meal like that, what I can use is a nice piece of ass. Who knows, maybe I'll call down, have them send one up to the room.

Why don't you just fuck yourself, save a little money.

Paulie Walnuts

What's your problem?

Stop tryin' to bait me, Paulie. You know what my fuckin' problem is.

Paulie Walnuts

No, why don't you tell me!

You want me to tell you? Fine! Steaks! Three pound lobsters! The shrimp fuckin' cocktails you made everybody get, then on top of everything else, you send those skanks a bottle of Cristal?

Paulie Walnuts

I was bein' a gentlemen, Chrissy, you oughta try it sometime.

Not to mention the lyonnaise fucking potatoes you didn't even touch.

Paulie Walnuts

What? I lost my appetite!

Fuck you!

Paulie Walnuts

Excuse me?