Well, I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. And, God, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
Your department's just you, right?
Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.
S7 E25Search Committee
What are your weaknesses?
I don't have any, asshole.
NBNellie Bertram
First, I'll take down the cubicle walls. Singular transparency. There'd be no titles. Everyone has the same job. Same goes for me. I'll take your job by rejecting the title. Everyone will be known for their accomplishments.
That's very interesting. Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there. And if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with?
NBNellie Bertram
Oh... yeah... Scratch everything from before. I'll tell you what: Go the other way. More cubicles. More division. Everyone is somebody's boss. And that person can fire the person below them. And once a month, the lowest person... [Imitates cutting throat] Buh-bye.
Shut up about the sun. SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!!
S8 E1The List
Here's what it is, it's a doodle. Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised, don't you think?
When I was a salesman I could just be like "not my job, not my prob, I'm going to the warehouse to polish my knob!" ...Metaphorically, of course.
S8 E2The Incentive
My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people.
There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.
So me think, why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?
S8 E3Lotto
I decided to stay home, eat a bunch of tacos in my basement. Now my basement smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement. And taco air is heavy. It settles at the lowest point.
There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids.
Well, they whipped people, which was helpful.
My future isn't going to be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's going to be determined by two big black balls.
S8 E4Garden Party
Schrute farms is very easy to find. It's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've gone too far.
JAMES, PAMELA, AND PEE PEE HALPERT!
There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a... phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it'll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.