Robert California quotes from The Office (US)

Robert California

You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now does it matter if he wants a hundred dollars worth of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep sea drilling equipment? Don't be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. There is no such thing as a product. Don't ever think there is. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand what I'm telling you is a universal truth, Toby.

Robert

Here's what it is, it's a doodle. Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised, don't you think?

Robert

There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.

Robert California

Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships? It's funny isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear?

Robert

The situation you described, returning home to a wife complaining about her paper being too masculine, is not one I'm familiar with.

Andy

You are not the manager. I earned that job. I was personally chosen after Robert was chosen and quit.

Robert

Andy, why don't you just take a seat?

Andy

Why don't you take a seat, you idiot? [throws chair]

Erin

And why don't you take all your stupid memos and your stupid pens and your dumb caramels?

Andy

And your stupid face! [grabs Nellie's photo off the wall and smashes it on the ground]And your stupid office! AHHH!

Darryl

He does not like that wall.

Robert California

Andrew, it's time for you to go home. You're better than this.

Andy

Yeah, I know.

Robert California

Everyone is better than this because this... Is the worst thing I have ever seen. [Sips the Energy drink meant for Asian Homosexuals, said to be flavored as Coconut Penis] Why did they add coconut? I miss the original. [chugs the rest of the can]