Dwight Schrute quotes from The Office (US)

Dwight

[reading Michael's recommendation letter] "To whom it may concern." Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. "The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme." That's great. If I wanted the dictionary definition, I'd buy a dictionary. "I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme." [holding back tears] Lots more like that, really repetitive. What's this? [pulls out a small card from the envelope and reads it] "Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball." Oooh yeah.

Dwight

Schrute farms is very easy to find. It's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've gone too far.

Dwight

JAMES, PAMELA, AND PEE PEE HALPERT!

Dwight

Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity, and just looks cooler. Picture someone doing something heroic. Now was he sitting or standing? Not counting FDR.

Dwight

Oh, yes. Oh, what a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions…[whispers] willingly, or as slaves.

Dwight

That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose sex, that baby is mine.

Dwight

[yelling at Jim] I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights.

Dwight

I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam, and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her.

Dwight

Win at all costs. Don't respect women. These are the tenets I was brought up with, and they have served me well. But my ancestors never worked in corporate America. They were farmers. And before that, hunters. And before that, time travelers. And before that, me again. At least, that's how the legend goes. The point is they never had to worry about how they got ahead. They just had to put food on the table and not alter the past.

Dwight

You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples. Boing!

Dwight

How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle? She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation.

Dwight

Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water? Why don't you just take estrogen?

Dwight

[about Game of Thrones] It has a lot of nudity, which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads.

Dwight

At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right?

Dwight

I'll be dammed if I'm gonna let us lose me.

Dwight

Well they can't all be winners. But Trevor's next, and he's a real professional. You say, "jump," and he says, "on who?" He loves to jump on people, that Trevor.