Miss Piggy quotes from The Muppet Show

Miss Piggy

You know, I really like the water.

Kermit

Oh, I am glad.

Miss Piggy

Which means, after we're married, we can live at your place.

Miss Piggy

Holy maracas!

Oh, hi. I'm Big Bird.

Miss Piggy

Huh. No kidding.

I'm a friend of Kermit's.

Miss Piggy

Oh.

Yeah, we both come from the same neighborhood. Sesame Street.

Miss Piggy

: Oh. Isn't that that cute little children's show with puppets?

Uh-huh. And who are you?

Miss Piggy

Who am I? I am Miss Piggy.

Oh. Well, do you work around here?

Miss Piggy

Uh, listen, yellow thing. Do you see that star here?

Oh, yes. It's very pretty.

Miss Piggy

And, uh, do you know why it is there?

Well, uh... Perfect attendance?

Miss Piggy

I am the singing star of this show.

A singing pig? That's very funny! [laughs]

Miss Piggy

Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! Hai-ya! [swings at Big Bird, but he doubles over and she misses and falls]

Oh, you do acrobatics, too. [To the audience] She's very versatile.

Kermit

Piggy, have you been planting items about us in the gossip papers again?

Miss Piggy

Well, uh, what would make you think a thing like that?

Kermit

The photographer who was just here! He was from Tongue Magazine!

Miss Piggy

Oh. Oh, him. Well, it was just a little, teeny tiny item.

Kermit

It was a cover story about us being secretly married!

Miss Piggy

Well, it was a slight exaggeration...

Kermit

That's a bald-faced lie, Piggy!

Miss Piggy

Well, you know, we are close...

Kermit

I will not stand around while you do dumb things like that, Piggy!

Miss Piggy

That is not dumb...

Kermit

You have done that to me too many times, Piggy! I will not stand for it! I will not stand for it!

Miss Piggy

Well, what are you gonna do?

Kermit

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO, PIGGY! I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU! PIGGY, YOU ARE FIRED! YOU ARE FIRED, PIGGY, YOU ARE FIRED! FIRED!!

Fozzie Bear

Boy, you sure are heavy. You must least weighed a ton.

Well, that's good. That means she's lost weight! [laughs]

Fozzie Bear

Floyd, you shouldn't laugh at Piggy. I mean, she must be terrified.

Terrified? She's petrified! [laughs]

Hey, great news, Miss Piggy! You'll be back to normal in no time. I just got this new book called, "Sandblasting Without Pain"! [laughs]

Hey, hey, Gonzo!

Yeah?

Yeah! Did you know that Miss Piggy is very worried about Kermit?

Worried about Kermit? Why?

Well, she's afraid that she'll have to take him for granite! [laughs]

Kermit

OK. OK, guys. Enough with these big cheap shots.

Aw, come on! I've got another page to go yet.

Kermit

Floyd, how could you be so cruel to a fellow performer? Someone you've known and work with for years. I mean, just take a look at her. She's suffered enough. Have pity upon her.

Miss Piggy

[affectionally] Mmmmmmmm.

Oh, you're right. Well, what will I do with these jokes?

Kermit

Burn them. [leaves to the stage]

[to Miss Piggy] You heard what the frog said. [strikes a match on her]

Miss Piggy

[painfully] MMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

[laughs]

Miss Piggy

When will we get there?

In about 1 minute from, NOW!