Bugs Bunny quotes from The Looney Tunes Show

What are you wearing?

Mall pants.

What kind of pants?

Mall pants, pants to wear the mall. It's a sign of respect.

Then why aren't you wearing a shirt?

Too much respect. It's a mall, not a church, also I can't afford a shirt.

Where do you get all your money?

I invented the carrot peeler.

You invented the carrot peeler?

Daffy, are you telling me you don't use toilet paper?

Mine was gonna be called "butt paper!"

Where'd you get that?

Why didn't you tell me I have a bump on my beak?!

I never noticed a bump.

Do not patronize me. If there's something wrong with me that I don't know about, then you owe it to me, as my best friend, to tell me.

All right. You're narcissist. You're a sociopath. You're probably a psychopath. You're a...

Those are just quirks. Endearing quirks. I'm talking about something important. My appearance. And if you won't be honest with me, then I'll find someone who will. (He gives the toilet to Bugs) Here. Take this home for me. It's a really good toilet. (They walk out of the carpark)

I bet you're a terrible husband and father!

Strike 3!

(laughs)

...And he's out!

(talking to Marvin and Daffy) And you two make the pizza. Any questions?

How do you make pizza?

(referring to Pete being in his dream) You were in it, but when you talked, you had a woman's voice.

Ooooh, did I sound pretty?

What's the order?

I think pizza.

You know what they say: starve a cold, feed a head injury.

Like pizza dough, we'll rise to the occasion.

Turns out the secret to a successful restaurant: a mouse.

Speedy

Tell that to the health department.

(stuttering) This whole time I've been eating pepperoni, I've been eating me!

C'mon we're gonna be late for the movie!

(walks down the stairs dressed as a school girl)

What are you wearing?

I don't know about you, but I'm getting a student discount.

(picks up car keys)

You're driving? You always drive. Let me drive! (opens door to reveal a parade float with a giant Daffy on the roof)

I'm not going in that thing.

It's not a thing, it's a parade float.

Well, guess what? I'm a man too, and today this man is wearing the pants! (in high-pitched voice) Oops, almost forgot my purse! Come on, you big lug!

Can I see your driver's license?

My what?

Just give him your driver's license.

What's a driver's license?

You don't have a driver's license?

Sir, you're not allowed to operate a vehicle without a driver's license. Please step out of the car or I'm gonna have it towed.

Towed?! But, I'm just an innocent school girl and this is my baby brother. (looks toward Bugs) Put on the diaper!

(answering his phone) Hey Lola.

Lola

Hey Bugs! Whatcha doing?

Standing on the side of a road.

Lola

Fun! Oh my gosh, you're never gonna believe this, there is a guy standing on the side of the road who looks just like you. I'm about to hit him.

Lola

(rolling down her window) You look just like my boyfriend!

Lola

I can't go to jail! I'm too pretty! I won't last a day. No wait, I'll work out, I'll get really muscular. (lowers voice) My voice will get really deep. I'll run the place. (rolls down window) Hi, officer.

Can I see your drivers license?

Lola

Absolutely! Just one second. (grabs purse) Okay, let me see here. Ooh, here we go! Oh, wait, that's my credit card! (The officer clicks his pen) Here we go! Oops, no, that's a recipe for salmon balls. They're really good! Here it is, oh no that's my frozen yogurt frequent muncher card. Two more and I get a free waffle cone! Mmm-mmm-mmm! Oh, here it is! It was hiding! Oh no, wait, that's a picture of Bugs; isn't he cute? (Lola shows a picture of Bugs hiding behind a shower curtain, while Bugs slaps his forehead) Here it is. Wait, that's a basketball card. Manu Ginóbili. I love Manu Ginóbili! Oh, here it is, oops, fortune cookie fortune! (reads fortune cookie) You will receive an unexpected letter from a friend. How does the cookie know that? That's crazy. I'm sorry, what did you want?

Your driver's license.

Lola

O-o-o-h, yeah, I don't have one of those.

Lola

Hmm, okay, interesting, okay, makes sense, oh, that's a good rule. Yep! Got it! Okay, I'm ready to take the test!

You, uh, read that awfully fast. You sure?

Lola

Uh, does a red light mean go?

Hello, don't say it.

What's up, doc?

He said it. Are you okay? You seem a little jittery.

Jittery? I'm not jittery. If anyone's jittery, you're jittery. I'm not jittery. (Drink his coffee then throws it in the bin) So, do I have clean bill of health?

Everything looks fine.

Great! See you next year!

Whoa, whoa. There is just one thing.

(Gasps then in hyperactive behaviour) I knew it! I knew you were hiding something! How long do I have? A year? A month? A day? Am I contagious? If I'm contagious, then those people need to know! YOU OWE IT TO THEM! (Hollers to everyone in the waiting room) I'M HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! (People scream in terror and run out) Why didn't you tell me sooner?! What kind of a doctor are you?! You're probably not even a real doctor! (See his certificate) Syracuse?! (Break the glass) That's a basketball school! (Tear paper in half)

I was just going say that I think you should stop drinking coffee for a while. You have too much caffeine in your system. It's what's making you so tense!

(Back to normal) Oh, cut out coffee. No problem. Ahem. You can probably just tape this.

[while aiming a pen on Porky's face] I JUST WANT MY SPARGLE!!!!!!

[draws out the stapler] Put down the pen!

Put down the stapler or I'll write over the pig's face!!!

Why does everyone want to write over my face?

[hysterically] Just give me my Spargle!

Put down the pen!!!

That's permanent ink!!!

[more hysterically] I said give me my Spargle!!

PUT IT DOWN!!!

P--Permanent!!!

I'M NOT LEAVING HERE UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY SPARGLE!!!

I SAID "PUT IT DOWN!!!"

I--It won't come off!

Yosemite Sam

[whistles that stops the commotion] This is a place of business. This are hardworking people who simply want to sell a quality product. What in tarnation is illegal about that?

You're all under arrest.

Yosemite Sam

What's going on here?

This whole operation's a scam. These things were filled with dangerous highly addictive chemicals.

But what about the spargler berries!? [starts crying]

Somebody get that guy to a doctor.

Yosemite Sam

Am I under arrest? I'm just an innocent sales representative.

Well, that all depends. Did you know you were selling a dangerous product?

Thanks for helping out, I'll take it from here.

Who are you?

Steve St. James, Off Duty Cop.

Arrest this one too.

What did I do?

You've been impersonating a cop and handcuffing people all over town.

What about him? He's been impersonating a chauffeur.

That's not illegal. It's pathetic, but it's not illegal. Get this guy outta my face. [The FBI Agent walks away with Daffy] I'm putting you down as a witness, so I'm gonna need your name too.

B--Brandon Steel.

I'm just gonna put "chauffeur".

Daffy Sheldon Duck. Education: None. References: None. Skills: None. Work Experience: Let's not go there. Are you a complete nitwit?

No, I'm a dunderhead. At least according to this Internet IQ Test.

Daffy, for the past 3 months, I've been pulling you a weight because I thought you're looking for a job.

Why do I look for a job when you pull my weight?

So what you're saying is; I'm enabling you.

You're not enabling me. You're simply shielding me from the consequences of my own self-destructive behavior.

I think you're right. And I'm not gonna do it anymore.

Daffy, for your own good. I'm kicking you out.

What?! (Bugs pushes him out of the house) Well, guess what? You can't kick me out because I am leaving.

Good.

Great. I'm going to get my stuff.

Okay.

I packed my suitcase and I'm going.

That's my suitcase.

Well, I just take my stuff.

That's my stuff.

I don't need your stuff. I don't need you. I can make it on my own just fine. So I'm going. I'll see you around. I am going, right now. I'm gone. G-O-N. Gone.

Arrivederci!

Pfft. I don't need a friend telling me to pull my weight. I don't need a job. I don't even need that jive. I'm Daffy Duck. You hear that, world? (He walks back to Bugs' house.) I can take care of myself. (He knocks on the door as Bugs open the door.) Please take care of me! (starts sobbing)

(after turning off the TV) Ugh. If I knew all that was going to happen, I would have kept enabling you.

At least I learned a big lesson.

What's that?

When I pull my own weight, I pull a lot of stuff down with it.

(after tripping) Call Dr. Weisberg!

Hey, Speedy, Porky finally got a girlfriend.

Speedy

Ooh, good for you, Pinky. I thought you were gonna be one of those "always-leaves-alone" guys, who just gets more and more desperate until he alienates the few friends that he has, and then he's just alone. So, what a relief for you. Now when can we meet this new girlfriend?

Ugh. I don't have a girlfriend.

Speedy

Well, stay in the game, pinky. But, maybe you should think about growing a beard. You got so much…face.

That was your exciting news, because you don't have a girlfriend?

No. I got us playoff tickets.

What? How did you get tickets? They've been sold out for weeks!

My uncle works at the league office.

Porky, I can't believe we're going to the playoffs!

I'm picking up the tickets this afternoon.

My friendship with Porky is over!

What?

He ate my french fries!

What french fries?

The ones that came with my sandwich!

He probably thought they were for the table.

There were not for the table! They were my fries! They came with my sandwich! You want fries? Order fries! But you do not take someone else's fries! That is a garbage move! Porky is a piece... of... garbage!

Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?

I am not being dramatic! (puts on sunglasses and wraps a scarf around his neck and gets out of the car) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk myself home. That's right. Walk home through this unsavory neighborhood where I'll surely be sat upon by ruffians and miscreants, street hustlers and road monkeys. None of whom, by the by, come close to being the kind of garbage that is Porky Pig! Now good day, sir. (Bugs drives away; Daffy looks back, feeling alone) Bugs?

So, what do you want to see?

Lola

I don't know, aliens?

Isn't that an old movie?

Lola

It's a movie? (both awkwardly look at each other)

Lola

I am such a good girlfriend! Dropping by uninvited without calling first. Guys love that!

What's tonight's homework?

A perm.

A perm? What is this, 1984?