Yosemite Sam quotes from The Looney Tunes Show

Yosemite Sam

Are you tryin' to make me look like a fool?!

You don't need me to make you look like a fool.

Yosemite Sam

You're darn right, I don't!

[while aiming a pen on Porky's face] I JUST WANT MY SPARGLE!!!!!!

[draws out the stapler] Put down the pen!

Put down the stapler or I'll write over the pig's face!!!

Why does everyone want to write over my face?

[hysterically] Just give me my Spargle!

Put down the pen!!!

That's permanent ink!!!

[more hysterically] I said give me my Spargle!!

PUT IT DOWN!!!

P--Permanent!!!

I'M NOT LEAVING HERE UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY SPARGLE!!!

I SAID "PUT IT DOWN!!!"

I--It won't come off!

Yosemite Sam

[whistles that stops the commotion] This is a place of business. This are hardworking people who simply want to sell a quality product. What in tarnation is illegal about that?

You're all under arrest.

Yosemite Sam

What's going on here?

This whole operation's a scam. These things were filled with dangerous highly addictive chemicals.

But what about the spargler berries!? [starts crying]

Somebody get that guy to a doctor.

Yosemite Sam

Am I under arrest? I'm just an innocent sales representative.

Well, that all depends. Did you know you were selling a dangerous product?

Thanks for helping out, I'll take it from here.

Who are you?

Steve St. James, Off Duty Cop.

Arrest this one too.

What did I do?

You've been impersonating a cop and handcuffing people all over town.

What about him? He's been impersonating a chauffeur.

That's not illegal. It's pathetic, but it's not illegal. Get this guy outta my face. [The FBI Agent walks away with Daffy] I'm putting you down as a witness, so I'm gonna need your name too.

B--Brandon Steel.

I'm just gonna put "chauffeur".

I know in the past, we've talked a lot about my fear of commitment. Uh, I don't know if this qualifies as a breakthrough or not, uh, but this week, I've decided to try online dating.

What is this?

Yosemite Sam

It's a group therapy.

What? I don't need group therapy.

Yosemite Sam

Shh!

Sam, do you have anything you'd like to share?

Yosemite Sam

I had, uh, I had a setback this week. I shot my dry cleaner.

[shocked] Huh?!

Yosemite Sam

Oh, it's just a water pistol, but I-I just kept a-shootin'. I couldn't stop. I just felt so angry.

Why were you angry?

Yosemite Sam

They didn't get the stain out of my kerchief.

Do you think your anger might have been… misdirected?

Yosemite Sam

Oh, wow. I hadn't thought of that. Well, I wasn't mad at him at all.

How do you think you're actually angry with?

Yosemite Sam

It was those kids. I'm mad at all those kids who used to tease me on the playground! It's not my fault I had a mustache in 3rd grade. I just wanted to be like everybody else. [bursts into tears] No one gave me a chance!