Juniper Kim Lee quotes from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

Juniper Lee

Oh, I hear it!

And six generations back.

Find balance in your own life.

Ah-Mah!

Juniper Lee

"Thanks for all your help. I hope we did not interrupt anything."

Thor

"Well, just book club. But it's ok,"...whispering: "I hadn't read it yet anyway, don't tell anybody."

Juniper Lee

Hold on, hold on. Ahh! My guitar's out of tune.

Dennis Lee

Trust me, Van Halen, it's not the guitar.

Juniper Lee

Hey, at least I can keep the beat. There's dead people who can keep time better than you.

Dennis Lee

Oh, yeah? Well, Ray-Ray doesn't even know which song we're playing.

Ray Ray Lee

Dude, I go where the music takes me. (he drums)

Juniper Lee

Come on. Tryouts for the talent show are tomorrow. Can we please try and get through one song?

Ray Ray Lee

Dude! Roger is a musical genius!

Juniper Lee

Yeah, but look at Mr. Roskins. He hates everything.

Dennis Lee

Oh, what do you care what some old geezer thinks.

Juniper Lee

He's the judge.

Dennis Lee

So?

Juniper Lee

He decides which acts get in the show.

Dennis Lee

So?

Juniper Lee

If he doesn't like us, we don't get in.

Dennis Lee

In what?

Juniper Lee

I cannot believe we're related.

Ray Ray Lee

We rule!

Juniper Lee

Hmph. That was weird.

Dennis Lee

No, it's not. We got in off our reputation.

Juniper Lee

Reputation? Mom and Dad are the only ones who've heard us play, and they made us soundproof the basement! We stink!

Dennis Lee

You stink. I carry both of your no-talent butts.

Juniper Lee

You play bass, Dennis. It's a miracle anyone even notices you.

Ray Ray Lee

What's this supposed to do?

Juniper Lee

Well, it should retroactively conjure the ethereal energy of the room and visually unveil the unobservable mysteries that took place.

Ray Ray Lee

Oh! Kind of like a camcorder?

Juniper Lee

Sorta.

Monroe

Ugh! [sputters] Pirados Demons! No wonder the whole room smells like a gorilla's butt!

Juniper Lee

Come on! These guys busted into our house and shoplifted from my room. The Te Xuan Ze does not give five-finger discounts.

Juniper Lee

Uh-oh, Jody's sister Rachel is getting Bat Mitzvah this Saturday.

Ophelia Ramírez

(pointing to something off screen) Oh man, Jody's mother always plans parties the way King Kong visits New York.

Juniper Lee

Oh, come on, it might be fun!

Ophelia Ramírez

I'm sorry, you were saying?

Juniper Lee

No offense, Jody, but every time we come to one of your family things, your mom makes us work.

Jody Irwin

That is so not true.

Ophelia Ramírez

Oh, yeah? Well, what about your bother's last birthday party?

Juniper Lee

Somebody's been eating my porridge.

Ophelia Ramírez

Somebody's been eating my porridge.

Roger Radcliffe

Somebody's been eating my porridge, and they ate it-- (An ice cream cone gets thrown at his face) All right, McIntyre, you wanna piece of this?! You want some?! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! (Proceeds to beat him offscreen)

Jody Irwin

No, no, no. It's not gonna be like that. (June, Ophelia and Roger give her a look) Okay, it's gonna be exactly like that. Except this time, she wants The Wizard of Oz.

Roger Radcliffe

No way! I am not playing Dorothy again!

Ophelia Ramírez

Come on, Roge, admit it. You love those red shoes.

Roger Radcliffe

Did not! (Beat) Okay, maybe a little. Having a sense of fashion isn't a crime, you know.

Juniper Lee

What is that?

Ophelia Ramírez

That is a Cowardly Lion made of chopped liver.

Juniper Lee

Ew.

Ophelia Ramírez

Yeah, classy. It's like a royal wedding in here, isn't it?

Boomfist

Remember kids, when there is trouble always, use your fist.

Ray Ray Lee

Always use your fist!

Juniper Lee

What? That's a horrible message for kids.

Boomfist

What's with the dog? I hate dogs.

Juniper Lee

Ray Ray, what is this?

Ray Ray Lee

I told you, Boomfist is the only one who can beat Wrongness.

Juniper Lee

We have a potion.

Ray Ray Lee

Yeah, that isn't gonna be ready for 12 hours. And even when it is ready, it can't get close enough to Wrongness to use it. Except Boomfist can get close to Wrongness 'cause he's from the same world, plus he's beaten him 437 times, not to mention the Boomfist Thanksgiving TV special where he did it covered in radioactive gravy.

Boomfist

Yeah, that was a rough one.

Monroe

I hate to admit it, but the boy has a point.

Boomfist

The dog talks. It gets better and better.

Monroe

Excuse me, Superpants, but I'm taking your side in this.

Ray Ray Lee

Sorry, Monroe, he's upset because dogs destroyed his home planet.

Boomfist

(sighs) If it wasn't for the cats, we'd all be dead.

Monroe

What kind of filth are you reading, boy?

Juniper Lee

So his message to kids is "always use your fists" and "milk is bad for you?"

Ray Ray Lee

Why do you think mom work let me watch his shows?

Boomfist

Also, "don't go to school; hang out with your friends, or better yet, gangs" and "don't listen to your parents; they old and feeble."

Juniper Lee

You sure we got the good guy?