Billy quotes from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Grim

The only thing I keep in me' robe are terrible cursed objects! [makes scary noises]

Billy

[pulls out the Mask of the Beast] You mean like this one?

Grim

Yes, exactly like that.

Billy

Oooooh... it's a pair of butt wings!

Grim

No, you simpleton! It is the Mask of the Beast! Whoever puts it on must be nice, polite, friendly, and happy, or they'll turn into a terrible hideous beast!

Billy

OH! I WANNA BE A TERRIBLE HIDEOUS BEAST! [puts the Mask on his nose] Is it working? Is it working? Is it working?

Grim

[snatches the mask] You dope. It won't work on you. You've already been a hopelessly happy goon all day long.

Grim

Isn't about time for you to go?

Mandy

Yeah, the evil empire remember?

Billy

Captain Spring Green Squeaker reporting for intergalactical duty! In the name of truth, justice, and YOGURT![armpit squirts yogurt on Mandy and Grim.][Laughs]

Grim

[takes out notepad and pencil] What can I get for Billy?

Billy

Ooh! I wanna be green!

Grim

Okay, green!

Billy

Spring Green.

Grim

Spring Green.

Billy

[squeals] Ooh! And I want to squeak!

Grim

[confused] Squeak?

Billy

Yeah, every time I move. Squeak. And uh....

Mandy

Billy, pick a real superpower. [Milkshakes walks by covered in yogurt. He shakes the yogurt off his feet and paws.] So, what'll be?

[echoing] It's partially hydrogenated!

Billy

And to shoot Heifer Farms Brand fruit-at-the-bottom all-natural styled yogurt from my ARMPITS!!!

Hey, boy. Trying to think, huh?

Billy

Uh, no. I don't do that anymore.

Grim

Billy, it worked! It worked! Now, what do you say we take Mandy and--

Billy

PIPE DOWN, YOU TALKIN' WIND-CHIME! YOU TALK WHEN I TELLS YOU TO TALK, YOU FOLLOW?!

Grim

[nervous] I follow.

Billy

[referring to the root beer fountain] Didn't you say that I had UNLIMITED access to the fountain?

Well, yes, but-

Billy

But nothing! I am still accessing.

Mandy

I'm gonna guess this has something to do with Billy.

Billy

Hey, Mandy.

Mandy

5 points for me. What are you doing?

Billy

Hiding from the clowns.

Mandy

The clown thing, I should have known. Get out here. [Billy comes out] You're gonna make me ask, aren't you?

Billy

Ask what?

Mandy

What's with all the oranges?

Billy

They're not oranges, they're tangelos.

Mandy

OK. What's with all the tangelos?

Billy

Clowns hate tangelos. Messes with their equilibrium.

Mandy

Who told you that fungus? [Oranges man walks away, whistling nervously] Billy, you've got to get over this ridiculous fear of clowns.

Billy

Who you calling ridi-culous? Well, what about your fear of professional figure skaters?

Mandy

That's not a fear. I just don't trust the way they spin is all.

Billy

You gotta believe me, Mandy! The clowns are nothing but ultimate evil! They wanna become the dominant species on the planet, and they'll destroy us all to make it happen! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! I'll take the chicken. DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!!

Mandy

[annoyed] All right, that's it! [Mandy has been carrying Grim (in several pieces) around in her backpack]

Grim

Okay, we need to talk about this backpack thing. It's very demeaning. I'm the Grim Reaper, for goodness sake! I used to have a chariot of four-hundred burning horses. My arrival on the scene would be a raging thunderclap of fear! Now it's "Hey, have you seen Grim? Yeah! I think he's wedged between a history textbook and a tuna-fish sandwich!"

Billy

DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL!! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!!

What's up, Billy? You look a little down.

Billy

Who're you?

I'm your Inner Frat Boy, dude.

Billy

Wow! I didn't even know I had an Inner Frat Boy!

Well, Sure. Everybody has an Inner Frat Boy. Since your here, it must mean you need my help. [belches]

Billy

Well, as a matter of fact I do have a problem. These really scary clowns keep on scaring me!

Aw, clowns aren't scary, Billy.

Billy

They're not?

No, they're just different, and just because someone's different doesn't mean you should be afraid of them. It means you should be angry at them! How dare they be different?! What, my way of life ain't good enough for ya?!

Billy

So you're saying I should beat them up?

Billy, fighting outside of a hockey rink is WRONG. But I'm imaginary, so do what you gotta do.

Billy

Thanks for all your help, Inner Frat Boy.

No problem, Billy! [Pulls out a paddle] Now, ya ready for your paddlin'?

Billy

Uh, no.

[Sounding disappointed] Oh... OK... another time, then...

Mandy

What was that?!

Grim

I told you I can't juggle! I wanted to do the routine with the umbrellas, but you said "No"! [Billy tries to crawl away] And where do you think you’re going?! [picks Billy up by the collar of his shirt and shakes him] Listen! STOP BEING AFRAID OF CLOWNS! STOP IT, YOU NINNY! STOP IT, OKAY?! STOP BEING AFRAID OF CLOWNS!

Billy

Gotta go to my happy place, gotta go to my happy place, happy place, HAPPY PLACE...

Hey, guess what - chicken butt, but seriously, did you know at Flabburger they actually THROW AWAY food that's been under a heat lamp for more than 36 hours? So, I brought you dorks lunch.

Grim

[transformed into a hideous monster; sarcastically] Here, Eris. Put it on my slimy flippers.

Mandy

[also a hideous monster; sarcastically] No, Eris, put it in my claw of a head, or rest it on Billy's udders.

Billy

[shoots milk out of his nose] Heh heh, I gots an udder.

Billy

I'll win Mandy back, or die trying!

Grim

Let me know if you need help with the last part!

Mandy

What's going on here?

Billy

Did I just...

Mandy

Stalking us?

Billy

No, I was just following you wherever you went.

Mandy

So, you were spying..

Billy

I wasn't spying, I swear! I was just lurking in the bushes watching you every move!

Mandy

Listen, Billy. Bobby's the new Billy around here. Get the message, you are nothing. [she pushes Billy into a mailbox] Come on, Bobby, let's go.

Listen Billy and listen good! I want you gone!

Billy

Can I go to the arcade, then?

What? No, NO! I mean I want you to disappear, permanently! Your friends don't like you, you're nothing but a burden to your poor Mother and Father! They all choose me over you, so there's no reason for you to even be here! I'm giving you 24 hours to get out of here! Or I'll get rid of you myself!

Billy

Who are you? Why are you doing this?

If I told you, I would have to destroy you!

Billy

But, weren't you going to destroy me, anyway?

Well, yeah, but... NOW YOU'VE ONLY GOT UNTIL MORNING!

Billy

Alright, Bobby, it's on at dawn!

Grim

Billy, what are you doing with my scythe?

Billy

Nothing?

Mandy

Where's Bobby at?

Billy

Oh, I sent him to another dimension.

Grim

Yeah, I never really like him too much anyway.

Mandy

Me neither, I only hung out with them because I had nothing better to do. Hey, Billy! fetch me some water, you doug.

Billy

I'm bet in a settle!

Billy

Do you have a shrunken head?

What do you mean by that?

Billy

Holy freak show! I mean, nothing.

So are you going to buy something, smart guy?

Billy

Nope, I'm broke. Penniless. A Pauper. Too poor to pay attention. Too cheap to buy this cheesy crud!

Billy

Nice kick!