Rose Nylund quotes from The Golden Girls

Blanche

Rose! It is 2 AM! What are you still doing up?

Rose

Well I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd get up and make a batch of Sparhuven Krispies. It's an ancient Scandinavian midnight snack.

Dorothy

I guess after a night of pillaging and raping, a Viking wants a little something to go with his cocoa.

Blanche

Well they smell God awful!

Rose

Yeah just when you're about ready to throw up from the stench, that's when they're done. Who wants some?

Dorothy

[commenting on the smell of Rose's snacks] Rose, if these had been offered to the Donner Party, they still would've eaten each other!

Rose

Don't be silly Dorothy. They're delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand [holding nose] and you pop a krispie in your mouth with the other. Mmm! That tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries, and chocolate ice cream.

Blanche

[tries one] My gosh, you're right. That is the best thing I have ever tasted!

Dorothy

[eating a krispie] This is delicious!

Rose

You know Dorothy, I just thought of something. Lorraine's family's gonna be black too, aren't they?

Dorothy

Yes Rose. You know, you could probably make them feel welcome if you do your version of that dance that the Huxtable's do at the beginning of The Cosby Show.

Rose

Can I ask a dumb question?

Dorothy

Better than anyone I know...

Rose

What color is black people's dandruff?

Dorothy

Rose, black people don't have dandruff. God figures they've been through enough already.

Dorothy

Look, Mrs. Wagner, I'm not thrilled about my son marrying your daughter either.

Oh yeah? Why, you got something against black people?

Blanche

Of course not! And I resent the insinuation! Why, we firmly believe that all men are created equal!!

Rose

That's a bunch of bologna!

Dorothy

Rose!!!

Rose

Well it is! If you don't believe me, just turn on your television set and watch a white person dance down the line on Soul Train.

Dorothy

Rose, will you excuse us?

Rose

Sure, where're you going?

Dorothy

Nowhere. Get out!

Honey, it's just a phase! Ever since Diana Ross started marrying white men, everyone's gotta have one!

Sophia

[Sophia walks in and sees Lorraine and her family, of African American decent] What is this, a revival of A Raisin in the Sun ?

Grandma, this is my fianceé, Lorraine, and this is her mother and her two aunts.

Sophia

Oh, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait... This is your fianceé?

Yep, that's right.

Sophia

You couldn't find someone your own age?

What is that supposed to mean?

Sophia

No offense, but it means your daughter's been around the block more times then a Good Humor man!

[turns to her sister] Hold my purse - those are fightin' words!

Rose

Stop it all of you! What difference does it make that Lorraine's a little long in the tooth and Michael's a skinny white boy? Can't you see they love each other? We should be celebrating not arguing whether or not it's right. Now what do you say we all join hands and sing a chorus of 'Abraham, Martin and John'?

[turns to Dorothy] Is she for real?

Dorothy

Yep - frightening isn't it?

Rose

Blanche, how much longer do I have to have this hot towel on my face?

Blanche

Now just be patient, Rose. When I tell you to remove this towel, you are going to see what a dramatic difference Blanche's Miracle Beauty Treatment has made already! Honey, you will be transformed into a totally new woman! Okay, ready? Now, one, two... THREE!

Rose

Oh my GOD, I look horrible! ... Oh- Dorothy, it's you! I...

Dorothy

I'm sorry Rose, I'm sorry. I forgot it was a full moon.

Rose

Are you nervous because you haven't met Michael's fiancee?

Dorothy

No Rose, I'm nervous because if Sonny Bono gets elected mayor of Palm Springs, he's going to make all the postmen wear leather bell-bottoms and a fur vest.

Rose

Oh Dorothy, I'm glad you're here. Meet Mr. Terrific.

Dorothy

Oh, Mr. Terrific. Meet Mrs. Severely Depressed.

Rose

Girls, you won't believe what happened to me this afternoon. I met Mr. Terrific!

Blanche

Rose, don't be so quick to judge. I thought I had met Mr. Terrific. Turned out there was also a Mrs. Terrific. I found myself ducking a Mr. Vase.

Rose

[seeing Mr. Terrific on the ledge] How's he doing?

Dorothy

I'll be honest. Right now, Squeaky Fromme has a better grasp on reality.

My family once owned the largest tobacco plantation in all of Cuba. Do you know that at one time, I was the most famous Fidel in the entire country... until you-know-who showed up.

Rose

Who?

Dorothy

Rex the Wonder Horse, Rose.

Sophia

Who would've thought Blanche would date someone that long in the tooth?

Rose

I thought his teeth were nice. What I couldn't believe was how old he was! [leaves]

Dorothy

You know, sometimes I really cannot believe my ears.

Sophia

I know. I should've taped them back when you were seven.

Blanche

[to Fidel] Midnight for dessert.

Rose

[perplexed] Dessert at midnight???

Sophia

There's always room for Jello.

Blanche

[walking over to Sophia] I just hate you. I regret the day you ever moved in here.

Sophia

And I regret the day I gave birth to you!

Dorothy

Ma, Ma! I'm your daughter.

Sophia

Oh, yeah...I need a Bromo-Seltzer!

Blanche

I need a cheesecake!

Blanche

[after telling a story about a man she once dated who had large, floppy ears] By the way, did you girls know that the size of a man's ears is directly proportional to the size of his other... bodily organs?

Rose

[puzzled] What do you mean?

Dorothy

He had a big floppy pancreas, Rose.