Dorothy Zbornak quotes from The Golden Girls

Dorothy

Hi, Rose.

Blanche

We brought dinner.

Rose

What'd you get?

Dorothy

[gestures with the pizza box] A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.

Blanche

Who on earth could that be at three o'clock in the morning?

Dorothy

Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem?

Blanche

I think I have a little more endurance than you.

Dorothy

Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.

Rose

Girls, wait a minute! We're talking about the sacred institution of marriage here! Are you willing to sacrifice the happiness of these two kids for the almighty dollar?

Yes!

Rose

I just wanted to be sure we were in agreement.

Dorothy

[handing Priscilla a crystal goblet after Priscilla announces she and Ramón are eloping] Listen, we were going to give you your wedding gift tomorrow, but since we won't see you, why don't you take it home with you tonight?

Oh, thank you! [she quickly leaves]

Blanche

Good night. [To Dorothy] Dorothy, are you crazy?! We're going to lose a fortune on this wedding!

Rose

And you let her march out that door with your best piece of crystal!

Dorothy

[into the telephone] Hello, police? Yes, I'd like to report a robbery.

Rose

[arriving at the dance tournament and seeing Blanche and Dorothy there] Hi, girls!

Dorothy

Et tu, Judas?

Rose

No, it's me, Rose. I'm just wearing my hair a little differently.

Rose

Well, let me give you a little friendly advice - you're wasting your time, because that $1,000 prize is going to be mine. When I was younger I was known as the Dancing Fool.

Dorothy

How old were you when they dropped the "Dancing" part? [she and Blanche crack up]

Rose

[to her dance partner] You know, this reminds me of the big dance back in St. Olaf to kick off Pretzel Week. My Uncle Gunther, after the Great Beernut Shortage of '29---

Dorothy

Foul! Foul! Send a judge over here! [pointing at Rose] This woman is trying to put us to sleep!

Blanche

Dorothy, I cannot let you do this.

Dorothy

Blanche, get out of my way.

Blanche

I want that car, Dorothy. I will give you anything.

Dorothy

Blanche, we have to tell Rose the truth.

Blanche

I'll give you one of my sons. I have given this a lot of thought, Dorothy. I have had four sons, I have never had a Mercedes. What do you say? Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy-- no, don't take Skippy. He's got asthma.

Dorothy

Blanche, this has gone far enough.

Rose

[about Baby] In a lot of ways, he reminds me of Jimmy Dean.

Dorothy

The actor or the sausage?

Sophia

[describing what happened after she broke her glasses] It took me six hours to find my way home.

Dorothy

Ma, if you couldn't see, why didn't you call me to come get you?

Sophia

I tried to, but every time I put in a dime and dialed, a condom popped out. I've got 5 in my pocket, here Dorothy. A lifetime's supply.

Alright, I won't go on with this charade any longer... there is something else -- I'm black. If that's a problem for you, I'm white. Of course that will cost you extra.

Dorothy

Oh, Marguerite, I could kiss you!

And I don't go for that freaky stuff.

Rose

[while Blanche is sitting next to them] Neither do Dorothy and I.

[after the girls discover what purports to be a charm placed under Dorothy's bed to help her sleep] I was just trying to be helpful. I figured with those terrible bags, you needed the rest.

Rose

Dorothy always looks like that.

Blanche

Besides, it would take a lot more than rest to get rid of those babies.

Dorothy

Listen, I have an idea; why don't you all take turns hitting me with a two-by-four?

Blanche

Girls, we can't fire her now. She's making me an aphrodisiac.

Dorothy

Use vodka and black underwear like everyone else!

Dorothy

I mean, when you look at it, has anything that out of the ordinary really happened?

This isn't the Orange Bowl, is it?