Susan Glass quotes from The Gentlemen

[observing painting] Is that scouse brains I can see in the clouds?

I’m Susie Glass.

How can I help you, Ms. Glass?

I used to be in business with your father.

Well, forgive my confusion, but my father wasn’t exactly known for his business acumen.

I have certain... interests I need to discuss with you.

What kind of interests?

Probably easier if I just show you. [driving Eddie to a farm] I liked your father. He was a proper gentleman. A tad eccentric, but your lot are. Must’ve come as a bit of a shock, inheriting everything. The house. The title.

Worse things have happened to me.

Did he mention the revenue he was making from the farm?

No, he didn’t. Couldn’t have been significant, otherwise I’d have known about it.

Depends what you consider to be “significant.” He was making £5 million in cash a year. Plus profit share.

Excuse me? Five million pounds? I’m guessing it wasn’t from yogurts and burgers, Ms. Glass?

Follow me. [leads him to barn, opens door and leads Eddie down stairs]

Now, what happens down there? [sees massive marijuana growing operation] Ah. What the fuck is going on?

The cannabis market in the UK is worth over six billion a year. Now, we’ve managed to corner a substantial share of that market, but the challenge is finding the space to grow it. That’s where your father came in. In return for a generous consideration, he let us carry out our activities with the necessary impunity. Turns out there ain’t that many 15,000-acre estates where you can do whatever you want without anyone knowing. What’s this one called, Jimmy?

Frisian duck. Very popular right now.

This is Jimmy. He’s been product supervisor here for... How long’s it been now, Jimmy?

[points] Three years now, boss. That’s how long I’ve been living under your gaff. I can’t believe we finally get to meet! [crosses arms on chest] Me and you, we’s like fam. Except you, you’s like a duke, innit?

Nice to finally meet you, Jimmy. [to Susie] Assuming my father was receiving about... 10% a year, which would seem fair, this place must be turning over 50 million a year.

You’re in the right ballpark.

And being that you said you have a substantial share of the market... One would assume “substantial” means half or more. That means this is a very small cog in a much larger machine. You must have dozens of places like this all over the country.

Your father never concerned himself with the workings of the wider operation.

Well, I’m very curious.

All you need to know is that we have an agreement that means, as the new landlord, you will receive a significant amount of money every year in return for letting us carry out our activities.

Well, the trouble is, I might have to put the house on the market.

We’d prefer to keep things as they are.

I’m sorry if that puts you in an awkward position, Ms. Glass, but it’s my house, and my hand might be forced.

I completely understand, Your Grace.

[sitting in vehicle] Does the name Stanley Johnston ring a bell?

No, why?

He’s the chap I just sold the wine to. He is very interested in buying the estate. And the kind of money he was offering suggested he might know something about the operation.

What did you say his name was?

Stanley Johnston.

With a ‘T’.

What did you say to him?

I said it wasn’t for sale.

Well done. That’s the correct answer. [hands out sheet] Take a look at this.

What is it?

The lyrics to a song Freddy’s gotta sing when he hands the money over. And he’s gotta dance. Like a chicken.

Like a chicken?

Like a chicken.

Why does he have to dance like a chicken?

Because Tommy Dixon, understandably, needs an apology. [Pete gestures from residence door] Party time. [She and Eddie exits vehicle]

[walking to residence door and reads aloud] “I’m a posh twat who fucked up, ee-iee-io. I fucked up because I’m a knob, ee-iee-io. With a twat, twat here, and a twat, twat there.” How old is Tommy Dixon?

It’s a small price to pay.

[holds up bags] Want us to count it? Guy said it’s all there.

No, I’m good.

You sure? It’ll just take a little while.

No, come on, let’s go.

All right. I think he wants to say sorry.

Oh. Do you want an apology?

I don’t know. Do I?

Yes, you do. We need closure.

Blanket!

[drags out a bloodied Freddy] One Sticky Peteǃ

Freddy Horniman

I... I just wanted to say sorry from the bottom of my heartǃ Ah, that’s nice, innit, Eddie? I gave you back the money, and I’ve said I’m sorry, so are we cool?

[sighs] I don’t know. Are we cool, Edward?

Yeah. Yeah, we’re cool. [walking to vehicle] You said you were gonna talk to him.

Oh, we did. Don’t worry about him. We did him a favor. We discipline the dog, not the man.

What’s that supposed to mean?

There’s a dog in a man that the man can’t control. So we had to control it for him. Know what the fundamental challenge with the human condition is?

No. But filling in the blanks, is it too much dog and not enough man?

Too much untrained dog. And we are in the dog training business.

The state of him. He can barely keep his eyes open. [sighs] So, Eddie, you want to place a further burden upon my shoulders.

Well, I’m sorry if it’s an inconvenience for you, but when we discussed me collecting a vehicle for you, I wasn’t expecting to encounter severed human body parts.

What human body parts?

Finger.

Single or plural?

Single.

Thumb or index?

Little.

Hmm.

It may be the smallest finger on the human hand, but the fact that it’s been hacked off suggests a significant escalation in terms of the people we’re dealing with.

Oh, Eddie. You’re not getting a case of the collywobbles?

No. I’m merely making you aware of the situation. Running it up the chain of command, as it were.

As it were. Now, I’m not suggesting you’ve been lied to, but it’s safe to say the information you’ve been given was incomplete.

But now you have a lead on your weed, I was wondering if there was a scenario where I don’t have to steal a car for you. We have a name.

That’s more than likely a fake name. And the only description we have is from a witness who’s dosed up to the gills on psilocybin. But more importantly, my dad’s asked. He’s got his reasons. He will reciprocate. So, yes, I still need you to steal the car.

[Eddie and Susie pull into warehouse with Freddy tied to chair with Mercy holding a machete] You’d better have my rice. He says he’s your brother. Is this true, or is this more bullshit like the stupid voice he made?

He’s my brother. Now you have your product, you can let him go.

[scoffs] You stole from meǃ There have to be consequences.

They didn’t know what they were stealing.

[points machete] And you are?

I’m Susie Glass.

Compliments to the chef. Certain lanes for certain horses. Certain slips for certain dogs. You know how this works. You can’t just return what you stole. We have people, organizations, competition. They need to know, cause and effect. I mean, someone’s got to pay.

We understand. That’s why we brought a peace offering. [opens van back door to reveal Toni Blair] As you can tell, we’ve been misled. Now you put him in the chair instead of my brother.

I believe in, uh, biblical punishment. Hmm? [pulls off Freddy's hood]

Eddie. For the love of fuck, get– [Mercy strikes him on head]

Agh, Jesus Christ. Eye for an eye. If someone tries to steal from you, it’s enough to take off a finger.

You don’t need to take a finger. You don’t need to take anything else because, technically, I didn’t try to steal anything. Isn’t that right?

You’re right, Freddy.

If someone actually steals from you... Hmm? [tuts] I mean, the message needs to be loud and clear. Yeah?

Freddy, we’re done here. Come on.

Stay the fuck there!

All right, all right.

I-It’s not enough for justice to be done. Justice needs to be seen to be done. As a warning for those who might suffer the temptations in the future.

Freddy Horniman

If that’s directed at me, I promise you I’m not gonna be tempted in future. I promise you that.

Okay, you keep your eyes open, and you’ll learn a valuable lesson. Oh, hello. Let’s hear what he has to say, yeah? [Toni Blair's hood is pulled off] Yes?

Fuck you. You cocksucking bitch! [laughs and Mercy repeatedly attacks him with machete] Thank you for your attention.

It’s a job like any other. Sometimes you have your good days... and you have your not-so-good days.

Yeah, sometimes you win, sometimes you watch someone get hacked to death with a machete.

The important thing is that you showed the right attitude.

What does that prove?

It proves you’ve got the stomach for it. Which is more than can be said for your brother.

I realized I haven’t been taking things as seriously as I should. I need to make changes. Drastic ones. So I’ve decided I’m only gonna smoke weed in the evenings. Not first thing when I wake up in the morning. Not when I’m eating lunch. Or after lunch. Or when I’ve had something to eat–

We are still a mil and a half down on the weed though.

Ah, yeah. I realized that too. And I’ll endeavor to repay that debt. I mean, right now, I’m working on this new hybrid weed strain, and the THC on that bad boy... [mimics explosion]

You’d better get back to work, then.

Yes, boss.

Traditionally, the selection process for a prospective new landlord takes place over a couple of months. We like to give their bums a good old sniff. We don’t just rock up at funerals waving our check books around.

Look, it was a business opportunity that was presented to me. And now I’m presenting it to you. This gives you an alternate venue, an increased capacity, and replaces the existing operation on my estate by the end of the year.

I’m willing to consider expanding the operation to a 12th location, but when you start talking about a bit of blackmail, then it’s all starting to sound deeply problematic.

It’s a loose end that I intend to tie up. Very simply, very easily.

I’m willing to take a face-to-face meeting, but I’m not making any promises, and I don’t want any shenanigans.

No shenanigans.

[at Chinese restaurant] I like to think of myself as a fairly patient man, Frank. But when you start ordering chicken bao buns–

Let me translate. Twelve is vegetable spring rolls. Twenty is confit of pork. Fifty-three is crispy noodle chips, which I’ve ordered twice ’cause I’m quite partial to. And 69 you’ll find isn’t on the menu. For the simple reason that 69 isn’t a dish.

What is it, then?

It’s not a “what.” It’s a “who.” And here he is. [Sandy enters dining area and gets Frank into an headlock]

All right, all rightǃ

It’s all there, every pennyǃ [Sandy throws Frank to floor] Whoa!

Frank, why don’t you explain to the nice man this isn’t his money?

The money in that bag is owed to me. And what’s owed to me belongs to you. Sorry.

[Sandy grabs bag and Eddie grabs Sandy's wrist] Fucker... [calls phone] Hello, Susie. Just checking in to see how you’re doing. Well, it’s not going exactly to plan. [scenes of Eddie fighting Sandy]

So you gave him half a mil, now you’ve got nothing to show for it? Sounds a bit sloppy, if you don’t mind me saying. What’s the name of the guy that lent him the money?

I don’t know. He’s a large Chinese gentleman. She wants to talk to you. [hands Sandy phone]

Can I help you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. All right. When you put it like that, it does have a bearing on the situation. With the greatest respect, Susie, that money’s a longstanding debt that needs to be repaid.

For fuck’s sake.

That’s very decent of you.If you can guarantee my money, I’ll give your man the address. Tell your father I’ll send him some buns. [hands Eddie back phone] You should’ve mentioned Susie Glass. She said she’ll meet you there.

Hello, Susan. [hands over takeout bag] Compliments of the chef.

Enjoying your little sojourn into the murky world of criminality?

Uh... It’s certainly edifying. Shall we?

Let’s. [knocks on Frank's door and Frank's young daughter Alice appears]

You’re not the taxi.

No, we were... We’re looking for your dad. Is he around?

He’s busy packing.

That’s all right, darling. This won’t take long.

[enters Frank's study room] Hello, Francis. You going somewhere?

Um... How did you find me?

Oh, that would be down to your helpful Chinese friend. Now, weren’t you supposed to give us something before you go?

If you can find it amongst all these bags. [to Alice] Your dad’s a bit of a messy pup, isn’t he?

[chuckles] Yeah, Daddy’s a bit of a mess, isn’t he? That’s what Mummy’s always saying. [chuckles] But you’d be surprised what nutrition can be found in other people’s stools. See that one there? That’s a former cabinet minister. Collects illegally smuggled birds’ eggs. This one is a certain children’s TV presenter. Got himself a taste for, uh... [to Alice] You like the breakfast show, don’t you, darling?

Daddy used to be one of the top journalists in the country. Then the oligarchs took over.

Yes, no freedom of the press anymore. You have to answer to the powers that be. And if you don’t follow their narrative, they bury you. But not me.

My daddy’s got integrity.

Oh yeah.

Hmm.

Big plastic bags full of it.

[at a pub] I’ve got a lot of time for your mum. Takes good care of herself. Good sense of humor. A little bit eccentric, but who isn’t?

Just a little. So are you gonna talk to my neighbor, then?

I’ll take the meeting. See if it’s appropriate. At least someone did their due diligence.

Despite the, uh, few minor niggles we might’ve come across in the last couple of days, you actually came out on top.

I don’t appreciate being shot at, Edward. In fact, and this may come as a shock to you, given my chosen career path, I actually make a point of avoiding being shot at, at all times. Having said that, I will admit you proved yourself useful in the end.

Jack Glass

[sits at table] Oi, oi, love birds. Don’t mind me.

Hello, mate.

Jack Glass

Fire in the hole. I’ve gotta get this straight, ’cause Blanket was making no sense. According to him, you had a spin on master chef over there and blew up a load of Nazis. With a fucking grenade.

Nazi. Singular.

Jack Glass

Now we have a rare art collection and two farms to set up. I take it all back. Suze, he’s a proper G.

You’re a fucking idiot, Jack.

Jack Glass

[raises glass] To Eddie, the grand duke of getting shit done.

Hmm, no, no, no. I’m not cheersing to that.

All right. Why don’t we cheers to looking in the envelope?

To looking in the envelope.

Jack Glass

Whatever the fuck that means.

What’s the story between you two? Looking very cozy on that couch the other night. If you know what I mean.

It’s just a work thing. We’re associates, really.

You see, I can tell by that glint in your eye that you’re the outlaw, Susie. I’d say you have a bit of rebel blood flowing through those veins. And a working-class girl like you and a duke, his type were locking up the likes of me and you since William the Conqueror.

You’re not wrong. But we’re not here to talk about me, JP. We’re here to find out how you plan on pulling all this off.

Well, this is the crack. Myself and me family are back and forth to Europe all the time. Sometimes via Ireland, sometimes not. One month, it could be a horse fair in Spain. Next month, it could be a trip to a campsite in Belgium. But this month, it’s gonna be a pilgrimage to Lourdes. [enters stables]

[to Susie] Boss, if you would have told me in school that I’d be earning bare money shoving packs of weed up a Virgin Mary, I’d have said you’d gone mad, bruv.

[investigation theft of £4 million from cannabis grow-op] All sorted, Suze.

CCTV all cushty. Where are the travellers now?

Looks like they’ve done a bunk.

Well, get a crew together. I want ’em found. Do you understand? All hands on deck.

Want me to head back to de Groot? Undo the damage, so to speak.

[descends stairs] Morning. [walks past her] Uh, quick word, Susan.

[to Keith] Hold that thought.

Who benefits if we blame the travellers and lose our means of distribution in Europe?

That shit-eating cunt from Belgium.

Exactly. I may have jumped the gun on JP. He’s a thief, but not our thief. They would’ve left immediately had they stolen the money.

You think de Groot is orchestrating all this from Europe?

He couldn’t do it on his own, could he?

Agreed. He’d have to have someone on the inside.

Someone close. Someone probably at the farm.

I think we need to take a little trip to Zeebrugge.

Hmm.

[Eddie and Susie appear in front of him at an eating establishment table] Oh, Susie, Eddie. It’s so good to see you. [speaks French to server who leaves]

Not for us. Keeping a cold stomach.

Oh, there is always time for lunch. You are in Europe, my friends. And in Europe, we like to live a little. In England, you’re always so busy, huh? Tick-tock, tick-tock. Like the Big Ben. [chuckles]

[places down dish] Voilà, monsieur.

Ah... Tartare de cheval. This is hor–

Yeah, I know what it is.

I always found the horse more delicate than the bull or the cow. [eats a forkful] I assume your presence here signify a willingness to reopen negotiations?

In a manner of speaking.

So you agree to my terms?

Actually, we’re here to offer you something... far more valuable.

Oh, what is that?

The antidote.

An antidote for what?

For the poison that’s currently sitting in your system that should be about to work around... now.

That’s the thing about running an international crime syndicate. We can get to anyone. [scene of server administering a drop into Florian's dish]

Your heart is beginning to beat at three times its normal rate on account of trying to keep your blood pressure up. In about five minutes, your body will go into shock. You’ll lose control of your bodily functions, and you’ll suffer from a massive cardiac arrest on account of the trauma done to your internal organs. Then... Well, then you’ll suffocate. Lying on this restaurant floor, gasping for air like a dying fucking fish. Unless you take that antidote. [Florian attempts to grab antidote vial and Eddie snatches it away] We need a name.

[chokes] I don’t know what you mean.

The clock is ticking, de Groot. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Like Big Ben, eh?

You Europeans. So very slow. The name. [Florian writes out in notebook while heavily choking, hands it to Susie who shows it to Eddie] Disappointing.

Very.

Here. [hands over vial to Florian who drinks it] You should be fine within the hour.

Should you develop a sudden urge to inform said person of recent developments, remember how easy it was to get to you in the first place.

Have a good lunch, Mr. de Groot. [He and Susie walk away]

[brings out whiskey bottle and pours a glass] So... how do you wanna handle him?

There’s only one outcome. He’s a big boy. He knew the risks.

Yeah. [hands her a glass] Well, it’s not gonna be pleasant.

It never is. I actually liked him. Thought he could be trusted. You never know, do you? You never fucking know.

Any preferences on how you wanna get it done?

Offering your services?

Not directly. It’s not my world, Susie. But maybe there’s someone who could help. He might need a little convincing though.