The Gentlemen · Season 1, Episode 3
“Where's My Weed At?” · Season 1, Episode 3
In this episode: Edward Horniman (5), Susan Glass (4), James Chang (3), Frederick Horniman (2), Jack Glass (1), Geoff Seacombe (1), Gabrielle (1), Freddy Horniman (1)
The cultivation process of a marijuana plant takes a minimum of three months, depending on the strain. And once it’s dried and cured, I pack it up... ship it out to our distributors. But first, [rolls a blunt and lights up] I need to perform a ceremonial sampling of the product. This is to ensure optimum customer satisfaction.
Ah, so sorry, can I get some of that special sauce to go with it, please?
The special sauce is on the table. You just help yourself.
Ah, okay. [sits at table]
[places condiment bottle] Can’t have cheesy rings without special sauce.
Thanks.
Some people say it’s just ketchup and mayo. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
That’s just a thousand islands dressing, innit?
Exactly. They’re forgetting the secret ingredient. I thought it was lemon juice, but now I’m not so sure.
I was always working on the assumption that it was horseradish.
Horseradish? Interesting. Don’t tell me you’re about to put that on your egg and bacon pancake stack.
Ah, I know it sounds so wrong. But I promise you, it tastes so right.
I thought I was the only one.
What? You’re kidding?
I just had a whole plateful now. I’m about to finish off my cheesy rings.
Ah, you see, I eat my cheesy rings first, ’cause, you know, you gotta eat them while they’re hot.
Nah, I prefer them close to room temperature.
Hmm. You know what? I’mma put one aside, let it cool down. See if you’re right.
[Eddie approaches training in boxing gym] Oi! Want a fight? [laughs] I’m fucking with you, mateǃ Joking. Unless you want one? You army boys love a ruck, don’t ya?
Actually, I’m looking for your sister.
Business or pleasure?
Strictly business.
Better be. [laughs] Just fucking with yaǃ Watch yourself. She’s got the right hump. You might be better off in hereǃ
Thanks for taking me in, Geoff.
I’m not here to lecture ya. We’ve gotta shake the old snow globe once in a while, don’t we? But the important thing is, you’ve gotta learn from the experience. Do you understand what I’m saying?
I... I think so.
Good.
The state of him. He can barely keep his eyes open. [sighs] So, Eddie, you want to place a further burden upon my shoulders.
Well, I’m sorry if it’s an inconvenience for you, but when we discussed me collecting a vehicle for you, I wasn’t expecting to encounter severed human body parts.
What human body parts?
Finger.
Single or plural?
Single.
Thumb or index?
Little.
Hmm.
It may be the smallest finger on the human hand, but the fact that it’s been hacked off suggests a significant escalation in terms of the people we’re dealing with.
Oh, Eddie. You’re not getting a case of the collywobbles?
No. I’m merely making you aware of the situation. Running it up the chain of command, as it were.
As it were. Now, I’m not suggesting you’ve been lied to, but it’s safe to say the information you’ve been given was incomplete.
But now you have a lead on your weed, I was wondering if there was a scenario where I don’t have to steal a car for you. We have a name.
That’s more than likely a fake name. And the only description we have is from a witness who’s dosed up to the gills on psilocybin. But more importantly, my dad’s asked. He’s got his reasons. He will reciprocate. So, yes, I still need you to steal the car.
Can I ask you a question, please?
Sure.
Why the fuck are we doing any of this? We could do what dad did. Five million a year for absolutely nothing. It’s a pretty good payday.
It’s not about the money. It’s about removing ourselves from a criminal organization. It’s about taking back control.
Control. So just so I’ve got this clear in my mind. In order to stop ourselves being associated with criminals, we are going to become... criminals.
[with ski mask on] We’re not criminals, Freddy. [leaves vehicle]
[Eddie and Susie pull into warehouse with Freddy tied to chair with Mercy holding a machete] You’d better have my rice. He says he’s your brother. Is this true, or is this more bullshit like the stupid voice he made?
He’s my brother. Now you have your product, you can let him go.
[scoffs] You stole from meǃ There have to be consequences.
They didn’t know what they were stealing.
[points machete] And you are?
I’m Susie Glass.
Compliments to the chef. Certain lanes for certain horses. Certain slips for certain dogs. You know how this works. You can’t just return what you stole. We have people, organizations, competition. They need to know, cause and effect. I mean, someone’s got to pay.
We understand. That’s why we brought a peace offering. [opens van back door to reveal Toni Blair] As you can tell, we’ve been misled. Now you put him in the chair instead of my brother.
I believe in, uh, biblical punishment. Hmm? [pulls off Freddy's hood]
Eddie. For the love of fuck, get– [Mercy strikes him on head]
Agh, Jesus Christ. Eye for an eye. If someone tries to steal from you, it’s enough to take off a finger.
You don’t need to take a finger. You don’t need to take anything else because, technically, I didn’t try to steal anything. Isn’t that right?
You’re right, Freddy.
If someone actually steals from you... Hmm? [tuts] I mean, the message needs to be loud and clear. Yeah?
Freddy, we’re done here. Come on.
Stay the fuck there!
All right, all right.
I-It’s not enough for justice to be done. Justice needs to be seen to be done. As a warning for those who might suffer the temptations in the future.
If that’s directed at me, I promise you I’m not gonna be tempted in future. I promise you that.
Okay, you keep your eyes open, and you’ll learn a valuable lesson. Oh, hello. Let’s hear what he has to say, yeah? [Toni Blair's hood is pulled off] Yes?
Fuck you. You cocksucking bitch! [laughs and Mercy repeatedly attacks him with machete] Thank you for your attention.
It’s a job like any other. Sometimes you have your good days... and you have your not-so-good days.
Yeah, sometimes you win, sometimes you watch someone get hacked to death with a machete.
The important thing is that you showed the right attitude.
What does that prove?
It proves you’ve got the stomach for it. Which is more than can be said for your brother.
[after Gabrielle calls Jimmy] He’s agreed to meet her for dinner tomorrow night. He’s either Rudolph Valentino or a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Shall we light this up? [Jimmy's van full of cannabis shipment is set ablaze]
I realized I haven’t been taking things as seriously as I should. I need to make changes. Drastic ones. So I’ve decided I’m only gonna smoke weed in the evenings. Not first thing when I wake up in the morning. Not when I’m eating lunch. Or after lunch. Or when I’ve had something to eat–
We are still a mil and a half down on the weed though.
Ah, yeah. I realized that too. And I’ll endeavor to repay that debt. I mean, right now, I’m working on this new hybrid weed strain, and the THC on that bad boy... [mimics explosion]
You’d better get back to work, then.
Yes, boss.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Gentlemen pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
