Will (to his prom date, while imitates a police siren): Whooooooo, somebody call a cop 'cause it got to be illegal to look that good.
S3Just Say Yo
I had basketball practice and school, and this guy gave me these pills to help me stay awake, and then Carlton... all I know is that somebody very close to me could be dead right now, and it'd be all my fault.
Carlton [about his zit]: Look at my face.
Man, we're eating.
I have a big zit.
Carlton, we're eating.
S3The Baby Comes Out
Wait a minute. Where's Helen?
VVy
Oh, well, she couldn't come. She had to go to court with Lester.
Well, I thought the divorce was final months ago.
That's right. And everything was going so well, until she saw Lester with another woman. And that's when she snatched off the wig.
[gasps] She snatched off the woman's wig?
No. Lester's!
[all three sisters laugh]
[everyone in the living room is annoyed by the sound of Vivian's bell]
WPWill, Philip, Carlton, Hilary, Ashley, Vy, and Janice
[all scream] STOP WITH THE DAMN BELL!!!!!
S3You Bet Your Life
Come on, Uncle Phil. Shamon!
I'm starving. (dials number on car phone; imitates Tony Montana) Ya, dis is Tony Montana! I just see your billboard on da highway. If you know what's good for you, you bring me large pepperoni with anchovies on it!
S3Ain't No Business Like Show Business
Girl, you look so good, I'd marry your brother just to get in your family.
(At a comedy club's showcase where Will's jokes bomb)
Will's really bombing up there. We should do something.
Good idea. Boo, get off the stage, we want our money back, go back where you came from.
S3The Way We Were
Vivian's gonna kill me.
Calm down, Uncle Phil. You're winning a lot of points with this second marriage thing. I'm sure whatever you did, Aunt Viv will forgive you.
I lost my wedding ring.
I see. Where shall we scatter the ashes?
S3Six Degrees of Graduation
BMrs. Bassin
[in the middle of Musical Jeopardy!] The answer is a clef.
Oh! What is, that thing that Michael Jackson had built into his chin?
WWoman
That's my Jessie, the one with the braids.
That's my Will, the one with the mustache.
Since when do you take care of the babies?
Babies? I'm here to take care of Hilary.
[Philip tosses Jazz out again]
S4Where There's a Will, There's a Way (1)
[sees Ashley with another guy] Hold it. Hold it. Who do we have here?
We met at the mall.
What's your name, son?
GGuy
This.
[he hands a picture to Philip, he looks at it]
This is a stick with a snake wrapped around it.
GGuy
It's a symbol. Like Prince?
Prince Who?
GGuy
See? That's exactly why fathers ain't allowed at the mall.
[Philip writes something on the paper and hands it back to the guy]
GGuy
What's this thing?
It's a symbol for GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!!!
[the guy leaves]
[to Will as he walks in the room] Excuse me! Is this what you've been tellin' my boy?!
What?
That life is one big orgy?!
[he starts backing Will and Carlton into a corner]
Well, college is hard work, son. Followed by a family, which is even more hard work! And a teenage daughter who doesn't wanna be seen with you in public! And a wife! A wife who won't let you anywhere near her! And a butler! A butler who may be the father of your child! And a gardener! A GUARD...!!
DAD! DAD!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.