Will Smith quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Will

Carlton, skiing is for white guys named Sven, and O.J. Simpson.

Carlton

Oh, Will, you deprived product of the ghetto. Skiing is an exhilarating sport.

Will

What is exhilarating about strapping two sticks to your feet, flying down a hill at 90 miles an hour, and then slamming into a tree?

Hilary

Forget it, Ashley, I am not getting you a stun gun for Christmas.

Ashley

I'm not really going to use it on Cousin Bobby I just want to scare him with it.

Hilary

Look, we haven't seen him since Aunt Janice's wedding. Maybe we remember him worse than he is.

Will

Yeah, right, and maybe it was Barbie's idea to catch that tan in the microwave.

Carlton

Will, you shouldn't be eating that garbage. Everybody knows while you're in training: no fats, no chocolate and no women.

Will

Then I should probably cancel my date with that fat chocolate woman.

Carlton

Will, you better listen to me if you want me to be your manager.

Will

My manager? I don't even want you to be my cousin.

Carlton

I didn't hear that.

He says, HE DON'T EVEN WANT YOU BE HIS COUSIN!

Geoffrey, it sounds like you're getting a cold.

Will

Thanks a lot, G. It looks great.

Will

Yo, Carlton. Breakfast!

Will

Will Smith, tonsils.

Max Jakey... everything else. Sweaty palms, kid? First-timer, huh?

Will

Man, you trippin'. I was 15 when I first... You mean surgery.

[his glasses on his head] I've gotta find those glasses.

Will

[prays] God, please don't let me leave here with breasts.

Jazz

(to Will, about Tyriq) What's he doing here?

(to Will, about Jazz) No, what's he doing here?

Will

Now, y'all not still mad about that watch thing.

He sold me a fake Rolex.

Jazz

He paid with a fake $20.

Will

[to Tyriq] Now, first of all. You should have known it was fake when you saw that the warranty was only for two hours. [to Jazz] And you should have known the Jackson on the $20 ain't Jermaine.

Jazz

They all look the same to me.

Will

I know my Ma. She's just trying to get to her retirement plan and her rocking chair.

Carlton

Is that why she's moonwalking up the driveway?

Will

I ain't going on a date. I'm going on a phone call.

Geoffrey

That's what I call safe sex.

Philip

I wanna know what excuse you two have for pulling such a stupid stunt.

Carlton

We needed the money.

Philip

For what? And I want the truth.

Will

All right. It's like this Uncle Phil. See, Carlton got this inside tip on a stock.

Philip

Federal offense. Go on.

Will

Then we pawned Aunt Viv's bracelet to get the money for the stock.

Philip

Grand Larceny. Impressive.

Will

Then we lost the money, so we had to strip to get the bracelet back.

Philip

That would be indecent exposure. Is there more?

Carlton

I'm afraid so dad. We never got the clasp fixed on mom's bracelet.

Philip

You never got...I don't know what to say. What can I do? What do you boys think I should do?

Will

I don't know...reward us for our honesty? (they laugh again) Hey, it worked for the Beave!

Philip

"The beave"!

Philip

[loudly] DO I LOOK LIKE A WHITE GUY NAMED WARD?! Now, you get that bracelet back and for the next six weeks, I don’t want to hear you breathe. Or I’m calling the feds MYSELF!

Will

[pause] I guess this probably ain’t the best time to tell him we ran over the mailbox.

You are too close to the vehicle.

Will

Who said that?

You are too close to the vehicle.

Will

I heard you the first time.

You have 10 seconds to move away before the alarm activates.

Will

Oh, really, now? [sings the Jeopardy! theme while looking at his watch] 10 seconds, I knew you was full of it.

Who were you talking to, son?

Will

Oh, actually, I was talking to the car, officer.

[sarcastically] Oh, the car talks?

Will

Yeah, hold on. [jumps on the back of the car] It says "move or I'll kill you", something like that. [laughs] Damn!

You are too close to the vehicle.

Philip

For extra money, I had to work for the Princeton Daily. My first assignment was to interview the town's most famous stripper: Boom-Boom Lasalle.

Will

I wonder why they called her that.

Philip

For some reason, she took a liking to me. So she invited me to come with her and her sister to her dressing room for drinks.

Will

You the man, Uncle Phil.

Philip

Anyway, one thing led to another and before you know it, this old country boy...(Vivian slams a plate of food on the table in front of him) finished his Yoo-Hoo and went right home.

Wait a minute, Philip. Go back to when you finished your Yoo-Hoo.

Will

Hurt me, hurt me! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up, baby?

The name's Veronica.

Will

Ooh, Veronica, I like that.

Great, now I can die.

Will

Whoa, whoa, whoa, now, baby, I noticed you noticing me and I just want to put you on notice that I noticed you too.

And?

Will

And I just want to let you know that I might let you consider being with me.

Is that what passes for a compliment?

Will

Wait, listen...

No, you listen. If you want a shot at being with me, maybe you should try talking to me like a normal human being. Got it?

Will

Actually, baby, you got it, but I'll take donations!

Ashley

What if no one likes me?

Will

Just do what Carlton does: give them money.