Will Smith quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Carlton

Wow. Will, check out the talent. She's cool, she's hot, she's...

Will

YOUR BABY SISTER, MAN!

Carlton

[shrieks]

Will

Yo! Ease back, man! Ease back!

Carlton

What do you think you're doing?

Ashley

Buzz off, small stuff!

Carlton

That's it, Ashley! I want you to-- I'm ordering you to look unattractive!

Will

(to Ashley) What did you have for breakfast, hormones?

Ashley

Beat it! I'm workin' the room! [Walks up to a boy]

Ashley

Hi, Bobby

Carlton

Where'd she learn to walk like that?

Will

And where did she get that Lee Press-On body?

Will

I know you better float your midget boat on out of here. [pulls Kenny and pushes him into Carlton away from Ashley]

Will, man! Ease up!

Will

No, you ease up, man! What you trying to do?

The same thing you're trying to do. I'm just trying to press up this woman!

Will

YO, THAT AIN'T NO WOMAN THATS MY COUSIN!!!

Ashley

I am too a woman and I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of my business!

Will

Don't you shake your neck at me like that, girl!

Ashley

Come on, Kenny!

Hey.

Carlton

AND DON'T SHAKE THAT EITHER!

Ashley

Wow!

Will

Dude sounds like a jackass.

Carlton

Actually, Will, he sounds like you.

Ashley

So when are we going out?

Oh, I don't know, baby. You have to let me check my book and I'll get back to you. You see, I wanna make sure I can give you my undivided attention.

Carlton

Actually Will, he's better than you.

I mean look at you. You got it going on. You got sweet hips, lips and finger tips. (a beautiful girl walks by) But baby got back! (to Ashley) Bye, baby. (while running towards the other girl) Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute!

Carlton

Look, I know my sister needs me, but that girl is babe-a-licious!

Will

Carlton, I think you know what you have to do.

Carlton

I know, but still, I would have liked to have been there for Ashley. (runs after the beautiful girl)

Ashley

Kenny ran after that girl.

Will

Kenny is a different case.

Ashley

Carlton ran after the same girl.

Will

Well, Carlton is a basket case.

Will

I need 30 seconds on the air to talk about why the rec center shouldn't be torn down,and I don't care if I got to force my way on the set to get it.

Let me get this straight. You want to storm the set, disrupt a live newscast, and jeopardize the credibility of this station?

Will

Yes.

Will you be needing wardrobe?

And if there's anyone here who feels this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

Will

Stop, man! Don't do it! You don't even know if the baby is yours!

How did you know I'm havin' a baby?!

What?! You havin' a baby?!

Will

[walks up to the couple; calmly] Whoa. Yo. Hey. Look, my fault, y'all. See, my cousin was supposed to... [to the groom] Hey, congratulations, man. [to the bride] So, you havin' his baby. What a wonderful way to say how much I love you, huh?

Carlton

[about Cindy] She left me. I got the feeling she didn't wanna live with me.

Will

What made you think that?

Carlton

She said she didn't wanna live with me.

Will

Aw, man. I mean, she can't just walk out on you like that. What if the kid is yours?

Carlton

He's not.

Will

Carlton, come on. Just because the baby is cute doesn't mean you're not the father.

Carlton

I never slept with her. Look, since we're in a church, I feel the need to confess something. Please don't laugh. This is really hard for me to say. I'm a... A... [muffles the last word he says]

Will

You a German?

Carlton

No. I'm a virgin.

Will

What?

Carlton

I'm a virgin!

[sets off for home] It's nice to know somebody still is!

Philip

Okay, okay. We can't stay here. We'll freeze to death. Just get all the stuff out of the back seat and we'll... we'll go ahead on foot. Get out of the car.

Will

But you just...

Carlton

(speaking into his tape recorder) Carlton's log. Will has been reduced to a pathetic shell of his former self. I, on the other hand, have the strength of 10 men!

Will

Will's log...(pulls a tree branch off the ground) is about to connect with Carlton's head!!

Will! You were supposed to secure everything to the luggage rack.

Will

I did! Ohhhhhh wait, this ain't the Volvo!

Will

How are we supposed to build a fire, Uncle Phil? It's snowing outside, all the wood's soaking wet.

Carlton

Then we'll freeze to death! I don't wanna die! I wanna go to college and poke fun at all the kids on financial aid! I wanna see Karate Kid 17!

Philip

This is a good time for us to band together to show what we're made of.

Will

Does Bigfoot have to come down here with a chainsaw before you admit we're in trouble!?

Philip

Hi. I'm Philip Banks, and I'm running for superior court ju-ju-judge. Ju-ju-judge.

Philip

What the hell is that?!

[amused] That was our New Year's Eve party.

Will

Oh, oh, Uncle Phil, I just put in a couple of old home movies, you know, to show your human side. It gets better. Check it out.

Philip

[in video] If you put me on the bench, I'll take a real bite outta crime! Bi-bi-bite! Bi-bi-bite! Bite!

Philip

Vote for Philip Banks! Philip Banks! Philip Banks! Philip Banks!

Will

(whoops; hoots ala Arsenio Hall) Emmy!

If you ask me your whole damn family is crazy.

Will

See, brotha, if we was in Philly, it might have to be something, but we're on T.V., and I believe in Martin's philosophy; Non-Violence. So, I'ma chill. I'ma chill.

And if your mama sent you out there to live with them, then she's crazy too.

Will

Hey, man, don't nobody talk about my mother, man! (charges towards audience member)

Will

HELP! HELP! Damn, y'all, I said HELP! Is there a doctor in the parking lot?

I'm a doctor.

Will

Oh, thank god. Look, doc, I got a lady in here having a baby. Yeah, you just got to go over that car. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Alright... Wait! Yo! Look out! Don't, man! [a crash is heard] Is there a doctor for the doctor?!