Will Smith quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Will

You know what Uncle Phil? I think I loved her.

Philip

Oh... Bull. You hardly even knew her. It's the life style you're in love with.

Will

So you're saying the only reason I loved her is cause she's rich and let me sponge off of her?

Philip

Yes.

Will

Then, I love you too, Uncle Phil.

Will

Some guy's going to try to be all over you like cheese on a Big Mac.

Ashley

Well, maybe I like cheese!

Will

How do you know you like something if you've never had it? Please tell me you ain't had no cheese, Ashley.

Ashley

(loudly) No, but if I want to have sex! [people stare at Ashley and Will] I do not need your approval!

Will

It-it's cheese, Ashley.

Will

(scoffs) Does this look a place to have fun? I don't think so. Ain't nobody gonna have some fun around here! Not you, not me, not her!

And definitely not me! Goodbye, Will!

Will

Hey, hey, come back! Ooh, what is her name?!

Carlton

Now remember, Will, we're looking for something that emphasizes good sense over style and excitement.

Will

How about a '94 You?

Will

Uncle Phil, you CANNOT go to the Hotel with that Woman.

Philip

It's just for a little dinner.

Will

Yeah, then dessert, the likes of which even you ain't never seen. Listen, Uncle Phil, Janice is the one that got away, right?

Philip

Yeah.

Will

Well, she ain't get away from me.

Philip

What?

Will

Uncle Phil, I was dropping Wendy off back at the hotel, right? And then you know I'm walking down the hall, and then Mrs. Robertson comes up and she asking me about the quake, so you know I'm going in and telling her and then she slips into something more comfortable. And then she grab these pictures, she's showing pictures of San...San-something, and then, you know, before I knew it, you know: ta-dow.

Philip

Ta-dow?

Will

Taaaaaa-dow.

Philip

Ta-dow. OOOH! YOU SLEPT WITH JANICE!

Ashley

[As her Father] Ashley, go to your room.

Carlton

Oh, I love this!

Ashley

[As her Father] And take Carlton with you.

Carlton

Hey I'm not going anywhere.

Philip

You heard what I said.

Will

For Mother's Day, I got my baby shoes bronzed. (Show's his baby shoes are adult sized)

Ashley

These are your baby shoes?

Will

Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet?

Ashley

No, what?

Will

They be like, damn, you got some big feet.

Will

Hey, Uncle Phil, that is not cool, man, the way you're dissin' my father like that.

Phillip

The hell with your father!

Phillip, for God's sake - !

Phillip

He waltzes in here after fifteen years-

Will

Fourteen.

Phillip

Oh, excuse me - fourteen years - and acts like nothing has happened! Wake up, Will! This is the same guy who didn't think enough of you to pick up the damn phone!

Will

He made a mistake. I'm sorry that everyone can't be as perfect as you, Uncle Phil, but if I can forgive him, how come you can't?

Phillip

Because he's not doing this for you. He's doing this for himself. And if you think any differently, then you're a fool!

Hey, hey, just cool it! Just cool down; we can talk about this another time.

Will

You know what, Aunt Viv, ain't even nothing to talk about. I've been waiting for this for a long time - my whole life - and ain't nobody gonna stop me. Come tomorrow, I'm outta here!

Phillip

Oh, yeah? I don't think so.

Will

Who cares what you think?! YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!

Philip

I'm sorry, Will.

Will

You know what? This actually works out better for me. You know, the slimmies of summer come to class wearin' next to nothing, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Philip

Will, it's all right to be angry.

Will

Hey, why should I be mad? At least he said goodbye this time. I just wish I hadn't wasted my money buying this stupid present. [pulls a father-son statue from his bag]

Philip

I'm sorry. You know, if there was something I can do--

Will

Hey, y'know what, you ain't got to do nothin', Uncle Phil. You know, ain't like I'm still five years old, you know? [getting emotionally charged] Ain't like I'ma be sittin' every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy comin' home," you know? Who needs him? Hey, he wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty damn good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?

Philip

Yeah, you did.

Will

Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive, I learned how to shave, I learned how to fight without him, I had fourteen great birthdays without him! He never even sent me a damn card! [looks back at where Lou just left] THE HELL WITH HIM!!! ... I didn't need him then, I don't need him now.

Philip

[as Will passes him] Will…

Will

No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'ma get through college without him, I'ma get a great job without him, I'ma marry me a beautiful honey, and I'ma have me a whole bunch of kids - I'ma be a better father than he ever was! And I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T A DAMN THING HE COULD EVER TEACH ME ABOUT HOW TO LOVE MY KIDS! [pause; breaks down] How come he don't want me, man? [uncle Phil embraces him]

Will

Hey, Ashley, you didn't tell me that dude blew in your ear.

Philip

Me, either.

Ashley

Uh... I embellished?

Will

C'mon, Carlton, let's go!

Carlton

I thought you said you wanted to do it alone.

Will

I do. If I win, I need a witness. If I lose, you're my blood type.

Will

Listen, man, you've kicked me off this court for the last time!

I don't even remember kicking you off the first time.

Will

You really don't remember me?

No.

Will

Hey, can I borrow that ball? (he takes a basketball from one of Omar's friends) Let me give you a little hint. (he hits Omar in the head with the ball)

Oh, I remember you now. But I'm not like that anymore.

Will

Really? You still look like that same bald-headed punk to me.

Oh, yeah, I remember you. You're the chicken sandwich guy.

Will

I AM NOT A CHICKEN! My momma made me move. My momma made me move. I'd never leave Philly. I love it here.

So do I. That's why I started talking to the kids so that they won't make the same mistakes I did.

You have no choice.

Will

Oh yeah? You so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund. And you're so ugly, that when you were born, the doctor slapped both your parents. And your mom, oh my goodness. She's like a doorknob, everybody's had a turn.

Will

I guess the mom's the red button.

Will

Alright, let's go. Come on. (He tucks his head with hands.)

Look, I know what you're trying to do, but I'm not going to hit you.

Will

(get up) Then, I'll tell everyone you're a punk.

Be my guest.

Will

What about your rep?

You see those guys? (points at his friends) That's my rep. Brother, you need to grow up.

Will!

Carlton

Let me know if you need me.

Will

(on the phone) Hey, Uncle Phil.

Philip

Hey, Will, are you calling from the plane?

Will

Actually, I'm not on the plane.

Philip

Oh, did you miss your flight?

Will

Sort of.

Philip

Then, when are you coming back?

Will

I'm not.

What does this contract say?

Will

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

That's right. Not Philadelphia. Bel-Air.

Will

Well, you see--

Get in the van!

Yo, homes, to Bel-Air.

Philip

I'm going to be watching you like a shadow!

Will

With you, it would be more of an eclipse, huh?

Will

Yeah, where is Carlton? He had better have a good reason for standing Nicky up.

Carlton

Will locked me in the closet!