[Roberta is texting]
CJCleveland Jr.
Thanks for making it so we can't have costumes, Roberta. You ruined Halloween!
It's my mom and Cleveland's fault. They're the ones who said we can't buy costumes this year.
[Rallo comes by on a tricycle, dressed as a dummy]
Except for me, 'cause I'm so cuuute! [stabs a tomato with a knife] Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
[he leaves]
Awww. [to Cleveland Jr.] Look, I'm still going out this Halloween, and since I can't go with someone sexy, I'm gonna dress up as the least sexy thing possible. [changes her hair into Donna's] This is how I'm getting back at my mom.
CJCleveland Jr.
You're gonna have sex with my dad!
No! I'm going as my mom. And you should go as Cleveland. Then we could go out, egg houses, T.P. trees...
[a knife stab is heard and Rallo screams]
CJCleveland Jr.
And people will think Dad did it.
Come on, Junior. Let's get you in Cleveland's clothes. [walks to the closet]
CJCleveland Jr.
Okay, but don't look at my breasts. They're not finished.
[off-screen] Oh, no, no, no. Y'all keep planning your pranks. I'll just sit over here and bleed out.
[Cleveland Jr. gobbles like a turkey]
CCleveland
[sobbing] Sometimes, I see so much of your mother in you.
[Junior puts a piece of bread in his mouth and one turkey snaps at it]
CJCleveland Jr.
[chuckles] I choose this one, Daddy. He put his pecker in my mouth.
CCleveland
Okay, okay. Shoot it.
[hands Junior a shotgun]
CJCleveland Jr.
What? I'm not shooting this turkey. Killing innocent animals is wrong.
CCleveland
No animals are innocent. They are guilty of something. Besides, you eat turkey all the time.
CJCleveland Jr.
That's turkey the food. This is turkey the animal. Benjamin Franklin thought turkeys were so noble, he suggested they be America's national bird.
CCleveland
Benjamin Franklin was an atheist pedophile who flew kites to meet children. That's why God struck him with lightning.
CJCleveland Jr.
I won't do it. Noooooooo!!!!!!
[clears his throat] Off-color terms for a woman's privates include: [bleep, bleep]. And most offensively, [bleep]. [smiles]
[Furious and offended, Donna kicks Rallo's door open, throws him in his room, and closes the door, leaving him alone with Junior, who is sleeping, moping around and still grounded]
Hey, man. I couldn't let you serve out this sentence alone. So, is that top bunk taken? [pokes Junior] Junior?
CJCleveland Jr.
[reveals his bald head and a tear in his eye] You sleep on the floor, 'cause you're my BITCH.
Please don't knock my teeth out!
CJCleveland Jr.
[about to punch him] You're 5, you'll grow more.
[backs away until he bumps into the door then shouts] Mama!
[annoyed, off-screen] What?!
It was me! I stole the candy bar! Junior had nothing to do with it, I swear! Please let him go!
CJCleveland Jr.
[takes off the rubber bald head and wipes off the tear, revealing to be a charade] Thanks, Rallo. But do let me know when your teeth fall out. [skips happily and giggles]
[sees a candy bar laying on the ground and picks it up] Where did this come from?
CJCleveland Jr.
[claps hands] I hope a tree.
Rallo, did you steal this?
What? Oh, 'cause I'm black?
Well, one of you boys stole it, and until someone comes cleaned, you're both grounded.
CJCleveland Jr.
On who's authority?
And Roberta, you were supposed to be watching them. You're grounded, too.
Nuh-uh! How are you gonna cage a hurricane?
You know what? Because of that, [loudly] everybody's grounded!
1Y15-year-old Hispanic girl
But it's my quinceanera.
[to Rallo & Junior] All right, you booger eaters. My punishment is being in charge of your punishment. And I won't tolerate any humpin', bumpin', crumpin' or dumpin'.
[throws down the clean stuff] Thanks a lot, Rallo! I've never been grounded before!
Look, relax. You're squeaky clean. As long as we apologize, Mom will unground us, time served, and you can go on about your creepy business.
CJCleveland Jr.
I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do. YOU stole that candy!
Fine, then I guess we're stuck here 'til you change your mind. [sits on the toilet seat and reads a book] [sees Junior staring at him] Look away. No, don't. Get used to this.
[grunting] I'm gettin' strong in lock-up. What you readin'?
CJCleveland Jr.
We didn't have the Koran, so I'm reading my leather-bound Judy Blume collection. [giggles] That girl's called "Blubber". What a fat-ass.
[to Rallo and Cleveland Jr. from downstairs; off-screen] Prisoner 1 and Prisoner 19, report downstairs.
[to Cleveland Jr.] Okay, just say you're sorry and we'll be fine.
CJCleveland Jr.
I'm not saying sorry. I didn't do jack!
Fine, then every man for himself.
[to Rallo] Now, what happened?
First off, I'd like to say the punishment was fair. I was even able to earn my TV/VCR repair certificate in here. Second, we may never know exactly what happened that unfortunate afternoon in the park, but I take full responsibility for my part, whatever it may or may not have been.
That took guts, Rallo. Junior?
CJCleveland Jr.
I did NOT steal that candy bar. That's it.
[to Junior] Do you think I'm running a clown shop, Junior? Candy chocolate bar? Your sweet teeth? I know you did it!
Rallo, you showed remorse. You are free to go. Junior, you fat liar! You are grounded indefinitely!
CJCleveland Jr.
Oh, WHAT?!
Gavel, schmavel. Living room adjourned. [Cleveland Jr. whimpers, then rushes to his room, to Donna] Mama, I'll let Rallo go. Is that okay?
Oh, you guys still doing that? Whatever. I'm going to Shakespeare in the Park if Cleveland ever gets here.
The Cleveland Show · 168 quotes
