Lester Krinklesac quotes from The Cleveland Show

Lester

I got bit by the inventing bug myself. Among other bugs. And crabs.

Lester

You know, Cleveland. I'd rather hear a dry fart from a wet dog than another one of your baseball stories.

Lester

Wow, Cleveland, you've skipped "fun drunk" and "sad drunk" and went straight to "angry drunk".

Okay, now where's the guy who said I was fat.

Right here. [Cleveland fires a gun at him]

Thanks for coming to get drunk for charity, guys.

Uh, whatever Fox is paying us. [looks around] Wow, Cleveland. I figured it was gonna be all black guys, but this is great.

Missed ya.

I came as soon as I heard. Then I drove straight down. Giggety-giggety.

Comedy-comedy. [to Joe] But seriously, Joe. [slowly] Thank you for coming here to help with our charity function for the "disabled".

You do know I hear perfectly well. Don't ya, Cleveland?

I know you're trying. [turns Joe's wheelchair around] Brave, brave Joe. [pushes him as he screams]

Tim

What do you think of Cleveland's old friends?

Holt

Gay.

Lester

Damn right gay.

Tim

Yeah, you guys are so gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay! So gay! [they laugh]

Really uh, progressive-thinking friends you got there, Cleveland.

Yeah, I guess they like to throw around negatively inflective labels. [Joe comes back]

You guys are the gays!

No, Joe.

Joe.

Donna

I'll teach him to wash my dishes in my own house. [realizes] Wait... what the fuck am I doin'?

Tim

So, uh. Lester, wha-uh-what the-what can we expect from this?

Lester

[in the same intonation as "I don't know"] Mmmm. I'm not usually on the Ned Beatty side of this situation. Best I can guess is...ouchie in the boom boom.

Scooby-dooby-Doo, motherfucker!!

Lester

I'm sorry, we didn't catch that. There was a long beep at the end of your sentence.

Lester

Dang, missed again. Huh, who am I kidding? I can't hurt a healthy snack.

Guys, I'm not sure about the hunting trip. Haven't found the right moment to run it by Donna yet. Not like I need a permission slip or anything.

Holt

Got mine. Signed by my mom.

If I even mention it, she'll flip out. Something's got her all insane in the fem brain. I don't know what to do.

Okay!

Guys, Donna and I are making a baby.

Holt

No you're not.

What?

Holt

You got a vasectomy.

No I didn't!

Lester

Yeah you did, six months ago. We all got drunk and played Truth or Dare – Holt got a tramp stamp, you got a vasectomy, and Tim tried meth.

Tim

One time, one time. [all teeth fall onto table] Okay, two.

A vasectomy?! So that's why my boys hurt for three weeks. I thought a spider had laid eggs in there.