The Cleveland Show quotes

Light it, Brian!

Peter, I don't wanna do this.

Do it, Brian. It's the only way I'm gonna catch that bird.

Here he comes! Light it!!

No, no, no, no, no, noooo! [His tub crashes with him in it as Cleveland Junior closes his eyes to not watch but the toilet stays intact.] Doggone it! That's it! No more! I'm tired of being kicked around by this world!

It's all right.

I tried to stop him...

I don't blame you, Brian! You a dog! A DOG!!

What the hell? He's getting his show?

Rallo

Well aren't we the Black Brady Bunch?

Except I'm not a gay architect, and my wife's not sleeping with my son!

Not yet!

Great! Have fun, kids. Don’t drink too many sodas. Hahaha.

Ahhhh a Bear!

Tim

Ahhhh a Black Man! Yeah, doesn't feel so good, does it?

Rallo

Oh I know y'all ain't leaving without making these beds.

I'm gonna like the way I look...I guarantee it.

Hasta la possum, baby!

[as the group throws a joke at Cleveland Jr. as part of a comedy roast, to try and get him to cry] That's cruel without even knowing the reference.

I may be a virgin, [angrily pulls on Federline's gold necklace] but I'll kick your ass if you do that again!

All across this great land, teenagers are takin' a pledge: The Purity Pledge, to hand over their virginities to their fathers, the high priests of the home.

Hear that? I'm the high priest of our home. I would like roast beef for dinner.

Donna

Shut the hell up!

[grabs Federline's hat and hits him with it] BAD HORMONE-RIDDEN ADOLESCENT! BAD, BAD, BAD!

Last minute check: any chives in my teeth? [he shows his teeth, which are covered with green leafs]

Donna

They're all over! What were you eating?!

Chives.

And now that my work here is done, I better leave before I turn into a blumpkin.

I can't believe we're stuck in this motel for another night! Nothing exciting has ever happened in a D.C. hotel!

Didn't Marion Barry get caught smoking crack at a D.C. hotel?

Okay, yeah, but besides that.

Didn't Reagan get shot at a D.C. hotel?

Besides that.

Watergate happened at a hotel, I know that.

I know, I know.

And didn't Eliot Spitzer--

[cutting him off] Okay, whatever! The point is we need to go out and find a party.

Hey, guys, I got the idea. We need to go out to find a party!

Federline

Yo, Oliver's right. There are so many bummed spots out there where I can get the crowd jumpin' with my demo! There's a fat beat on top of it, I'm going like [beatboxing], then I'd do, "Federline! Federline! JOONES!" It's hot, y'all. Peace.