Rallo Tubbs quotes from The Cleveland Show

Rallo

Oh I know y'all ain't leaving without making these beds.

Rallo

Dear Santa: [clears throat] Fuck you and fuck Christmas.

Rallo

You'd be amazed how many people on the internet wanna meet a five-year-old boy!

Rallo

Aw, shit!

Rallo

Heat rises, I smell nothing!

Rallo

AH! AAHHHHH!

Rallo

You've been "Ralloed".

Rallo

Look what Nicki Minaj gave me! [he comes in with long pink hair] She also gave me this! [shows off his huge posterior he got from Nicki]

Rallo

[the white dog pees on him when Cleveland Jr. hid him in trees and branches] Oh, come on, dog. Why you gotta do me like that?

Rallo

Well aren't we the Black Brady Bunch?

Except I'm not a gay architect, and my wife's not sleeping with my son!

Not yet!

Smells like a Denny's in here, but without the old man stink.

Rallo

You got that covered.

No, I smell like a middle-aged man: Propecia, hot wings, and night sweats from our adjustable-rate mortgage, now pass those eggs.

Donna

Uh-uh. Remember what Dr. Fist said about your cholesterol?

Yes, he said it was "appalling" and "life-threatening". Uh, pass the eggs.

Donna

This is your breakfast, Cleveland. The same breakfast you've been eating for the past two weeks.

More twigs?

Donna

Fiber Twigs-The cereal that lowers your cholesterol.

Aah! I got a splinter!

'Cause you got a mouthful of wood, like usual.

Huh? Oh.

[to Chanel] Sorry he's so cranky. He was up til 7:15 last night.

Rallo

Oh, thanks! Anybody else wanna take a shot?

Donna

Rallo, are you bothering the big kids? Come here, I need to give you your diarrhea medicine.

Rallo

[to Cleveland Jr.] You are in for a world of hurt, buffalo butt!

Donna

What did you call me?

Rallo

No, not you, mo-[Donna grabs his ear] Aaaarrggh!

Rallo

I'll just go ahead and be one of the other black presidents. Actually, I want to be the first black president. Who was it?

Rallo, Barack Hussein Obama is the first black president.

Rallo

What? Washington wasn't black?

No.

Rallo

Jefferson?

No.

Rallo

If Rutherford B. Hayes wasn't a brother, I don't know what's up!

Rallo

[to Cleveland] You're pathetic for being friends with him. You're worse than Uncle Thomas the Tank Engine.

I'd reckon I'll take you where these here tracks go, sir.

Thank you, Uncle Thomas. You're a clean, articulate train.

Just get yo' white ass on board.

What's that, Thomas?

[stammers] Uh... Choo-choo!

And then the ghost looked into the child's eyes. [Rallo whimpers] And he said, BOO!!! [Rallo screams and kicks Cleveland in the balls]

Ow! Bitch!

Breakfast, anyone?

Rallo

What restaurant is that from? IHOP because diabetes took one of my legs?

Ain't nothing but something to wear.

Why the hell are you dressed like a damn buttery flapjack?

This is my Halloween costume. It's what I'm gonna wear trick-or-treating.

Trick-or-treating? You're fourteen! You're too old to be trick-or-treating! You go out looking like that, the other kids will eat you for breakfast!

But this is no laughing matter! Grow up and get out of that costume!

Rallo

So what do say during naptime I crawl on your mat when Mrs. Lowenstein didn't look, we could kiss each other on the....

Rallo

Mmm..Lips.

Eww!

Rallo

What the... What'd I say? Bernard, Theodore. Y'all see that? She crazy!

What you expect? You just ate a booger in front of her. That ain't cool.

Rallo

Why not? Boogers are fun, free and delicious. Besides, that guy's doing it and he looks pretty cool.

Ahh, it's all fun.

Yeah. Well, girls don't think it's cool. They think it's gross. And if you don't quit eating them boogers, you ain't gonna sco no mo.

Rallo

Ain't gonna sco no mo?! That was a booger. I swallowed it.