Junior quotes from The Cleveland Show

No! This is what you get when you ignore the warnings of the National Weather Service , like a dumbass, and think you can wait out a hurricane!

Aw, yeah! I'd eat me! This is my best Halloween costume since that time I went as Greg Page back in Australia.

Trick or Treat! [Takes a piece of candy from Herbert's plastic pumpkin bucket]

Take two. [Junior does so] Take three. [Junior takes more candy] Take four. [Junior takes even more candy] That's enough! Happy Halloween! [Skips backwards into his house, shuts the door, and giggles from inside]

And then the ghost looked into the child's eyes. [Rallo whimpers] And he said, BOO!!! [Rallo screams and kicks Cleveland in the balls]

Ow! Bitch!

Breakfast, anyone?

Rallo

What restaurant is that from? IHOP because diabetes took one of my legs?

Ain't nothing but something to wear.

Why the hell are you dressed like a damn buttery flapjack?

This is my Halloween costume. It's what I'm gonna wear trick-or-treating.

Trick-or-treating? You're fourteen! You're too old to be trick-or-treating! You go out looking like that, the other kids will eat you for breakfast!

But this is no laughing matter! Grow up and get out of that costume!

Of course I do, son, but Christianity makes sense: A virgin had God's baby, who then grew up to be murdered by the [clears throat] Romans, so you and I could be forgiven for Eve eating that apple she got from the talkin' snake. Three days later, Jesus rose from the dead to tell everyone he was coming back someday to fight the Devil; then he flew up to his mansion in Heaven where he sits in judgment of the gays! HOW CAN YOU NOT BELIEVE THAT?!

Just don't.

But this is a Christian home!

Then how come we never go to church?

Donna

Church is for those in need, Junior. You don't go to the doctor when you're healthy.

Rallo

I heard what you said downstairs. Heartbreaking stuff, man. It got me thinking about how much you and I have in common.

Really?

Rallo

Mm-hmm. I used to be just like you. Lost. No direction. I was a real troublemaker. Then one day, I pushed things too far. Drew on the wall with a crayon after Momma told me not to.

Oh, no.

Rallo

That was the day my luck ran out. Got put in a time out—10 to 15—mandatory minimum. That's hard time for a kid, time I'll never get back, so I prayed for forgiveness, and Jesus entered my heart and changed my life. It was divine intervention.

You drew on the wall the next day.

Rallo

In the name of the Lord. I'm talking about faith. I believe that the man who created the entire universe knows my name and cares what happens to me. Do you know what that is?

Narcissism?

[to Rallo & Junior] All right, you booger eaters. My punishment is being in charge of your punishment. And I won't tolerate any humpin', bumpin', crumpin' or dumpin'.

What?!

[leaves, slams door]

[throws down the clean stuff] Thanks a lot, Rallo! I've never been grounded before!

Rallo

Look, relax. You're squeaky clean. As long as we apologize, Mom will unground us, time served, and you can go on about your creepy business.

I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do. YOU stole that candy!

Rallo

Fine, then I guess we're stuck here 'til you change your mind. [sits on the toilet seat and reads a book] [sees Junior staring at him] Look away. No, don't. Get used to this.