[episode starts, Cleveland sits in couch, reading newspaper]
[Rallo jumps on the couch and takes the newspaper from Cleveland and throws it at Roberta]
[screams] A homeless blanket touched me!
[Rallo grabs remote from Roberta]
Yeah. Toddlers and Tiaras. Five-year-old anorexics forced to get spray tans.
Hey! I was watching whatever that was.
[both Roberta and Rallo fight their way into upstairs]
[doorbell rings]
CCleveland
[annoyed] I hope that's a child murderer.
[Cleveland opens up door, finds to be Robert]
[Roberta, Robert, Jr. and Rallo walk into the skate park, goes into park, dogs bark]
Now, all the dogs are blindfolded, so it's a fair fight. But if they start wilding out, we're going to have to scram right quick.
[Robert looks towards Junior]
Junior, they'll come after you first, 'cause of they'll smell your salty meat sweat. But you big, you can handle them.
[Robert, Jr. steps back]
CJCleveland, Jr.
That genie was right, salty meat sweat was a bad wish.
[Cleveland returns to Quahog and rings the Griffins' doorbell. Brian is heard barking]
SStewie
[from inside the house] Hey, get back! Get back! Go to your crate! Brian, go to your crate!
BBrian
[from inside the house] I don't have a crate, I've never had a crate.
SStewie
You should. You'd feel safer there.
[Cleveland rings the doorbell again]
BBrian
Who is it, Stewie?
[the curtain is the window is pulled back a little]
BBrian
Uh, we don't want any candy bars.
CCleveland
Brian, it's Cleveland.
BBrian
Oh. Hi, Cleveland.
SStewie
Has he been cancelled already? He doesn't just get to come back!
CCleveland
Is Peter home?
BBrian
He...is...[whispering to Stewie] It's Cleveland!...[out loud, to Cleveland]...not.
CCleveland
Did he say when he'd be back?
BBrian
No....uh...vember.
[Peter is seen sneaking into his car and tries to get away from Cleveland]
[Peter runs into his car and tries to get his key]
CCleveland
Peter, it's Cleveland! Hello! Peter, I'm standin' right here!
[mouthing silently] Fuck. [gets out of the car and says out loud] Oh. Hey, Cleveland. I didn't see you there.
CCleveland
Of course I do, son, but Christianity makes sense: A virgin had God's baby, who then grew up to be murdered by the [clears throat] Romans, so you and I could be forgiven for Eve eating that apple she got from the talkin' snake. Three days later, Jesus rose from the dead to tell everyone he was coming back someday to fight the Devil; then he flew up to his mansion in Heaven where he sits in judgment of the gays! HOW CAN YOU NOT BELIEVE THAT?!
CCleveland
But this is a Christian home!
Then how come we never go to church?
Church is for those in need, Junior. You don't go to the doctor when you're healthy.
[Cleveland pushes Donny across WD-40 fluid from Junior's costume toward the window]
DDonny
I hate black people!
[Donny falls out the window]
[Cleveland, Jr. cleans his award]
CCleveland
Junior, I don't ever wanna see you laughed at like that again.
[Cleveland, Jr. trips over]
CCleveland
[laughs] Walk much? So anyway. From this moment on, I don't want you to follow anybody else's rules. I want you to be a renegade.
CCleveland
See? That's exactly what I'm talking about. Don't say okay to everything.
CJCleveland, Jr.
[sadly] Sorry.
CCleveland
And don't say sorry all the time.
CCleveland
No! Oh, forget it. Just go to bed.
CJCleveland, Jr.
Okay, sorry.
CCleveland
Oh. Dang it, Junior! It's only 6:30!
CJCleveland, Jr.
[in bed] I thought I seemed early.
CCleveland
Then why were you going to bed?
CJCleveland, Jr.
Well, because you told me to, Daddy.
CCleveland
That's exactly why you shouldn't. Here, chug this beer.
CJCleveland, Jr.
I'm not 21. Plus, I'm on allergy medication that shouldn't be mixed with alcohol. But if you say so. [drinks the beer, causing him to fall down and dies]
[cut to the hospital]
DDoctor
I'm sorry. We did all we could. He's dead.
CCleveland
[sobs] Junior, please don't leave me!
CJCleveland, Jr.
[gets up and is alive] Okay.
CCleveland
[angrily] Aah, you're hopeless!
[Rallo is in a costume]
And on this faithful day, by amalgamating the power of electricity, Rallo Tubbs will transform himself into [takes a fork out] Electro-Boy!
[hop and tries to stick the fork in the outlet; electricity is heard]
Coming. [drops the fork, picks up scissors; screams and starts cutting]
[Clevland puts a little blue football helmet next to the yellow, the red, the purple and the green]
CCleveland
Donna, ya gotta see what I did for the superbowl party! Put some deodorant on and come in here. [spraying is heard] Both arms.
[Donna continues spraying and comes down]
Cleveland, what on earth is that?
[two chairs are floating above the couch]
CCleveland
VRP Scarbucks. I'm not sitting down here with you.
[suddenly, they hear an earthquake]
Oh my god! Is that the rapture?
CCleveland
No, rehearsal for the blue angel fly-over. They protect nothing.
You know, Cleveland. If you didn't spend all our money on your superbowl parties, maybe you can buy me a McMansion. Like that new one across the street. Mmm. [a mansion is across the street from their house] Killers.
CCleveland
Vulgar. It's vulgar, Donna. Do you want to be vulgar? Look, somebody's trying to break into it! [a burglar crawls into the window] Donna, call the police.
[Rallo has a cell phone]
No, man. You should do it. You sound white on the phone. They actually might come.
[Cleveland and a policeman, holding a flashlight walk to the mansion]
PPoliceman
You sounded white on the phone.
CCleveland
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That window. [the policeman pulls out a gun and walks over. Cleveland whispers] Hey, can I hold the gun?
[Cleveland makes gun sounds]
CCleveland
How do I look?
[the doors open]
CCleveland
Freeze, dirt bag! [Chonie angrily walks up] Chonie?
The Cleveland Show · 168 quotes
