Frida quotes from The Casagrandes

[sobbing in horror] WE'RE GOOD PEOPLE! WHY ARE YOU HAUNTING US?!

Hey, that arrow is totally pointing to Sergio!

[scared; whimpers and flies to the other side; squawks] Is not.

Is too!

Sergio, do you know this chicken?

I had a chicken roommate at flight school, but he moved to a farm, never heard from him again. [realizes] Ooh, Alfredo, is that you? [the cushion feathers form into a mallet, gets bonked on the head, knocked to the floor] Yup, that's him.

Ghosts don't stick around unless they have unfinished business. Sergio, did you wrong this chicken?

Okay, here's all of the money I took. [throws all money to the ground] With interest. [Alfredo's ghost annoyingly kicks it away] Oh come on, I've made amends, for everything, what more do you want?!

[flies into Carlos' nose, possessing him, taking control of his body] Bawk, bawk! Bawk, bawk! [picks up Sergio and pecks him] That's not the end of the story. Bawk, bawk!

[gasps] My dad's a chicken?!

[gasps in horror] CARLOS! [sobs] I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Sergio, what else did you do to this chicken?!

"Operation Sitter-be-gone" was a success, and it's a beautiful day for flying!

[noticing the direction they're going] Uh, Mom? The planes are that way.

Oh, you're not here for the planes.

[shocked] What?!

The only reason you're here, is because no one else will watch you. So while we enjoy our flight, you three can sit on that bench and think about what you've done.

Aw, I hate thinking about what I've done. Can we put the bench on the airplane?

Ronnie Anne

Abuela? You guys ready?

We're just finishing up another batch of masa for the tamales.

Arturo

[takes a sample] Riquisimo, you guys are doing a great job. [Starts taking another sample, Rosa smacks his hand]

[being subtly splattered with masa] Except somebody has trouble keeping the masa in the bowl.

[flings a handful at him] Actually, my aim is quite good.

Mom! Maria masa'd me!

[getting too old for this] It's like they're kids again.

[opens the windows and takes a photo] I love reminiscing! [starts to cry]

[separates her adult siblings] This batch of masa is done and so are you two.

I'm just an actor, okay? None of this is real.

[gasp in shock] Not… real?

Bobby

Not cool, Falcón! He's just kidding, Carl. Carl? [catches him as he faints; to El Falcón, crossly] You call yourself a hero?!

Mi pollito, don't throw that away!

[crumples up the poster and throws it in the bag, filled with his El Falcón merchandise] What's the point? El Falcón's not real. [jumps off of his bed and picks the model piece figure] I've been looking up to a fake this whole time!

Not the 10,000-piece El Falcón model! That took us six months to build!

Six months down the drain! [dumps the model in the bag as it breaks apart] My childhood may as well be over! [walks out of his and CJ's room, dragging the bag]

Aye! This breaks my heart.

Bobby

This is all my fault! If only there was a way to make him believe in El Falcón again. Wait! What if I dress up as El Falcón and convince Carl that he's real?

Ronnie Anne

Doesn't El Falcón have like, powers and super strength?

Bobby

No problem, I'm plenty strong. [flexes his muscles, which then deflate] But to make Carl really believe, I'm gonna need all of your help.

Mi amor, we're sitting on a gold mine. We can sell your red tacos in the mercado and make a fortune.

[enters the apartment, naked with bath bubbles covering his body] Hey, Abuelo. I heard tacos and money. I'm in.

[off-screen] Carl, get back in the bathtub!

We don't need a fortune, Hector.

Come on, please?

[sighs] If it's that important to you, we can try, mi amor.

Wham-A-Rat, I played this as a kid. Mind if we join you for a round?

The whole familia, whamming ratas! I cherish these moments… [howls in anger and starts whamming rats]

[comes out the building, holding Carlitos] Papa! [chuckles in tears of joy as she hugs her papa]

Mi amorcito! I saw these fancy tissues, and I thought of you. [holds up a gold box of tissues]

[takes a tissue, wiping a tear from her eye] They feel like silky pillows and smell like cotton candy! [giggles]

So you have no idea why Principal Valenzuela wanted to talk to us?

Maybe I'm getting an award for best smile in school.

Hmm.

[enters her office; pleasantly] Mr. and Mrs. Casagrande, [unpleasantly at Carl] Carl, unfortunately, this isn't good news.

So he didn't win best smile?

No, Alexis won that. He flosses between every class. Carl was caught tricking kids out of their pudding snacks!

[not seeing the problem as his padres look at him in annoyance] Come on. It was just one time with the pudding.

Just one time, huh? [transit to the hallway, opens up Carl's locker and pudding cups fall on him]

I'm sorry. I just love tricking people. Isn't that what you're always encouraging us do, Principal V, what we love?

That is not what I meant!

We're so sorry, Principal Valenzuela. We're going to take care of this immediately.

Carl, say you're sorry. (And stop eating the pudding!)

[licking out a pudding cup, not listening] From the bottom of my heart, Principal V. You know, I'm gonna go home and have a good long think about my actions.

Oh? Glad to hear it.

And since I'll be so busy thinking, I'll need to skip homework tonight.

Naturally.

Great. Mom, Dad, let's go.

[realizes] Wait, no homework?! CARL!

[getting a call from Principal Valenzuela] Hey, Principal Valenzuela. [Frida gasps in excitement to hear the upcoming news] Are you calling to tell us what a good job we did with Carl?

No! He's somehow worse than before! He tricked the teachers out of giving him tests for the rest of the year! He also keeps calling everyone pawns and saying "checkmate".

[gasps in horror] Carl's now using chess to trick people!

[starts to sob] Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Principal Valenzuela!

Actually, it's "Hall Monitor" Valenzuela. Carl tricked me out of my job. He's the principal now!

[comes out of the office] Hey, Valenzuela, quit dawdling. That hall's not gonna monitor itself.

[growls] Argh! FIX THIS!

Ooh. I've created a monster. [looks at the chess board and gets an idea] There's only one thing to do - we have to beat Carl at his own game.

Bobby

Hurry up with the tres leches wedding cake. They just pulled up!

On it!

[enters the apartment with Mama Lupe and Paco] Look, everyone. It's Mama Lupe and Paco, our handsome groom.

Hola.

Bienvenidos.

Hi, Mama Lupe.

[squawks] Primo, ready to clip your wings-- I mean, get married?

Claro que si. I can't wait to marry mi amor, Paulina. [takes out a photo of Paulina, a deformed female pigeon] She's the wind beneath my wings.

Maybe you should keep her beneath your wing. I mean, real catch.

Oh, [hugs Paco tightly] I can't believe mi bebe is finally getting married! [sits on the sofa and claps] Oh, I could almost cry.

[tearfully] Leave that to me!

[wearing a green sweatshirt with a photo of young Carlota] Mi amor, I decide to remember what to wear. What about this? Much?

Oh, a sweatshirt with little Carlota on it.

Isn't it cute? I made one for all mis bebes. [takes off the sweater and is wearing a matching one with baby CJ, another of baby Carl, and another with Carlitos' ultrasound; takes the ultrasound sweater off and is somehow wearing young Carlota under it]

[chuckles awkwardly] Might be a tad much.

[sighs] I know, you're wright, you're correct. It's just that our day together means so much to me. My baby's growing so fast and she's been so busy lately. Soon she'll be a grown-up with a career and family and my mija won't have time for mama. [starts sobbing, which gets on the sweater] Aye! I soaked Carlota!

Okay, I'm cute, casual and ready to go. What's up with mom?

Nothing. [spins away the tears, and the sweater] Just my morning cry, I'm very excited for our own favorite girl's favorite day.

[with bangs covering her own eyes] Ah, I can't say these things.

Who needs to see it here before you look like a supermodel? [takes out her phone] Say cheese!

No, Carlota, don't you dare! [tries to grab the phone]

Just one, they want an after picture.

Give me that celéfono!

[seeing her favorite mother on the phone with Jim; slightly angry] Mom, you're on your phone?! You're a hypocrite!

And there's my loving daughter for now.

Ooh, can we interview her?

Uh, no! Wanna go! Please buy my art! [hangs up and sighs]

Have you been on your phone this entire time?!

Not the entire time. I'm not on the phone for now. Okay, fine, I can help.

After you took mine?!

That's different, I was using my phone for my art. It's important that I respond to my fans.

Well, I use my phone for vlogging and that's really important to me.

[enters excitedly] Hola, I'm home! Ho, you guys will never guess what Vito wears to bed! [only sees his family, all super mad at him] What? You already know about the bunny pajamas?

No, Abuelo. This is a convention.

Actually, Carl, the word is "intervention."

Hector, your chisme addiction is embarrassing your family.

Bobby

And making the customers mad.

You're a chismoso. And by that, I mean, you're the biggest gossip in town.

What? [not seeing the problem] I'm not a gossip. Anyway, as I was saying… Vito wears his pajamas with huge bunny ears! [the family grumbles at him; realizes what he's doing] Okay, now I see it. I didn't even know I was doing it. I'm sorry. I never meant any harm.

I know, mi amor, but when you talk about people behind their backs, it can be hurtful.

Ah, you're right. As of today, I am swearing off chisme. Right after I tell you about Mr. Scully's toupee. [snickers, then Ronnie Anne shoves a pillow in his mouth to shut him up]

[squawks] This won't be easy.

Ronnie Anne

Don't worry, Abuelo, we can come by the mercado and help you cut the chisme.