Carl quotes from The Casagrandes

Hey, Carlitos, you have a visitor.

[clinks her glass] I'd like to make a toast. Bobby, Lori. I just want to say how much it means to have you here with us. [tears up] I don't know if I can't get through this.

[touched] Oh, Mom.

[clinks his glass] Uh, excuse me if I might. I'm sure it means a lot to you, Rita, but with all respect, it means more to us.

Well, Hector, that seems really unlikely because nothing means more to us, 'kay?

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Is that so?

Yeah, that's right.

Forget the toast. I can say it so much better with music! [starts playing his guitar] We love Bobby and Lori more than... [Lynn Sr. elbows Luna and she dashes off] ...Anyone in the world.

[brings in her axe and starts playing, cutting Hector off] FAMILY!

Oopsie.

[viscously] How DARE YOU! [violently attacks Carl]

Control your children! It is not safe to have Thanksgiving in this house!

Well, if you don’t like it, YOU'RE WELCOME TO LEAVE! Not you, Bobby, you can stay.

That's what you want, isn't it? To steal our precious Roberto away from us?! [hugs Bobby tightly]

[hugs Lori as well] Oh, oh, like you haven't been trying to steal Lori from us! Well guess what, BUCKO, it's not gonna happen!

[pleading while intervening] Guys, guys, please stop!

STAY OUT OF THIS!

Why would anybody want to spend Thanksgiving here, gnawing on your "dry-bird?"

[comforting her husband as he sobs] The turgooseon is delicious, the only problem is, you're lumpy gravy!

[enters the dining room] Did someone say gravy? [squirts gravy on Rita as she shrieks]

[bumps Gravybot aside] No. They don't deserve it.

[jumps towards her siblings] Look out below!

[gasps horrifyingly] My painting!

That was the greatest rescue I have ever seen.

Ronnie Anne

Pfft. It was no big deal.

[grunting] You saved my baby. Thank you so much, Ronnie Anne.

Ronnie Anne

No problemo.

[gasps] That's exactly what El Falcón said.

Hurry, hurry! "Adiós, Ana, Adiós" is on!

Whoo! Yes! Telenovela time!

[squawks] Mystery! Drama! Romance!

Don't forget style. Obsessed with Ana's outfits.

Bobby

I'm gonna have to watch it in the mercado. My shift's about to start.

It's okay, mi'jito. We'll shout out the window about the juicy parts.

Bobby

Yes!

[rushes in] Did I miss it? Whoa! [Slips on Lalo's drool and makes Ronnie Anne fall to the floor] Ooh, sorry, mija.

I'm glad you could tear yourself away from your gossip long enough to be here, viejito.

Who was gossiping? I was dealing with Maybelle. And you know what a difficult customer she is.

Are you sure you don't want to join us, mija? The novela is getting really good!

Ronnie Anne

[shakes her head] Mm.

Come on. Just give it a chance. It's a family tradition.

You can sit by me.

Ronnie Anne

Guys, I told you already. I'm not into telenovelas. Call me when the soccer match is on.

Shh! How can you say no to this? [TV shows Ana sitting on a stool sewing a hat with her grandparents] That's our hero, Ana Ronalda. She's an orphan raised by her grandparents.

I give up. At this point, it would take a miracle to…

Hi, Carlota!

[gasps] Leni!

[enters the mercado van] O-M-Gosh! I'm so sorry this is taking so long. I can't find that boutique you sent me to. GPS keeps directing me to a dumpster.

You have nothing to apologize for. There's no boutique. I sent you on a wild goose chase to get you out of the studio because I was jealous of your relationship with Mariella. [sighs sadly] I'm really sorry. I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again.

O-M-Gosh.

Awkward.

I messed things up so badly that we can't even do the show now. But don't worry, I'll tell Mariella it's all my fault. She'll definitely fire me, but… [sighs] I deserve it.

You know, there's still 20 minutes till the show. I think we can save it.

Wait, you still wanna work with me?

Of course. What you did wasn't very nice, but you're my friend, and I forgive you. So what do we need?

For starters: food, beverages, music, clothes…

Not a problem.

And models.

Also not a problem. I've got an idea. Go, Team CarLeni!

[in his El Falcón costume while Sergio and his pigeon friends eat a pretzel] Ah, man! You guys got a whole pretzel?! All I nabbed was some peanuts. [drops the peanuts to the ground and annoyingly pretends to eat them, pigeon-style]

[gasps] Carl, too?! They're right by the elevator! How are we going to get out of here?!

By my rough calculations, factoring in our combined weight and this platform's capacity, I'm afraid we're… [gasps]

[completes the sentence] Goners.

We have to fix this.

But what about your article?

Some things are more important, Lincoln. [Later that evening, inside Apartment 2A, explains the Casagrandes about why they did what they had to do, when they hurt their feelings] So the whole point of not telling you was to spare your feelings, but clearly by sneaking around, we've hurt you even more.

Yes, you have. You could have been honest with us, we would have understood.

[tearing up] We messed up.

We're really sorry.

Can you guys ever forgive us?

Claro que sí.

Obviously.

Of course!

Mmm… I'll think about it. I need time to heal. [Rosa glares at him] I'm healed.

Rita, go finish your article, I don't want you to miss your deadline. But after that, maybe you can all stay for dinner.

We'd love to. [she and Rosa hug and rushes off to get her laptop from Camperzilla; later typing her deadline on the roof, voice-over] "As our summer adventure comes to an end in Great Lakes City, I'm reminded that it's not always what you do that makes a trip, it's the people you spend time with."

Hey, isn't that your RV? [points down to Camperzilla as Rita and Lynn Sr. watch it being towed away]

[smirking] Well, I guess we're staying the night.

[squawks; comes down and sits on top of Lynn Sr's head] Hope you don't mind my snoring.

[in his birdcage; squawks] This is embarrassing! I don't need a babysitter! I'm a big bird!

A big bird who gets into big trouble. I'm sorry, but we can't take you to Carlos' lecture today and have you behave like you did at the last one.

And now, a rare Mesoamerican bowl that dates back to 1519. It's the only one of its kind left in the world.

A little privacy, please?!

[gasps in shock] Sergio, what are you doing?! Shoo! [Sergio flies out of the auditorium, causing the bowl to wobble and splash water and soap into his face] AH! Soap in my eye! [accidentally knocks over the bowl and gasps]

[laughing about the incident before Rosa glares at him] What? It was funny when Dad started crying. [Rosa continues glaring at him] Uh, I mean, shame on you, Sergio!

[opens the door; happily] Rosa, Carl, Sergio! Please, come in!

Gracias, and thank you for watching Sergio tonight.

It's our pleasure.

[sees Lola sitting on the sofa] Lola! My favorite Loud. Is that a new crown? It really brings out…

Cut to the chase, Casagrande.

[groans] My dad's lectures are dullsville, and I can't sit through another if Sergio isn't gonna be there to wreck it.

Hmm. Sounds like a you problem… [Carl offers her some cash] that, I might be able to help with.

[firmly] Okay, Sergio, you'd better be on your best behavior with the Louds. If you pull any of your usual stunts, I'm sending you to bird boot camp. [Sergio gulps and whimpers worriedly; later, back in the van, waves goodbye] Thanks again! We'll pick him up tomorrow morning. [drives off as Rita, holding Sergio in his cage, and Lynn Sr. wave farewell… only to come to a stop and come back, holding out Lola, disguised as Carl] Nice try, Lola. Carl would never call the van seats "tacky." He doesn't even know what that means.

Carl, it didn't work!

[comes out, disguised as Lola] Worth a shot. [as they walk up to each other, he demands her a refund]

Sorry. No refunds or exchanges.

Hey, Sergio. [lets him out of his cage] The other pets are waiting for you out by Charles' doghouse.

[squawks] Sergio has arrived! So, what's the plan? What are we doing for fun today? [the Loud pets take out some playing cards and play a game of Old Maid] Ugh, Old Maid? [squawks] You call that fun? Ugh, no, thank you.

What you got there, Ronnie Anne?

Ronnie Anne

You guys have to check out that tamale truck, these are so good!

[horrified] What are you doing?! If Abuela sees you eating that, you’re toast!

Once, she caught Tío Carlos eating a churro from the new bakery. She stopped cooking for him for a month.

[whimpers] I had to survive on frozen waffles!

She gets super jealous when any of us likes someone else’s cooking.

[enters the apartment, excited, along with Bobby, looking upset] OMG, guys, look! Bobby and I got our BAT scores in the mail!

Ooh, what's a BAT test? [gasps] You get to sleep upside down and eat crickets?!

No, Carl. BAT stands for "Big Academic Test." It's to get into college, and I crushed it! Fashion design school, here I come!

Oh, I'm so proud of you, mija. Go pursue your dreams! But don't leave me BACK! [sobs]

Is something wrong, Bobby?

Bobby

I didn't get a good BAT score.

[gasps] Who wouldn't want to give mi Bobbito a good score? [takes of her shoe and goes to the door] I'll just give those testing people a piece of my mind!

Bobby

[runs up to the door, blocking her way] I don't think that'll help, Abuela. [groans] I really wanted to do well so I could go to business school and open up a whole chain of mercados. I don't know what happened. I aced all my practice tests, but as soon as I sat down, my palms got sweaty and I forgot everything! Like, even where I parked, [pulls out the van keys from his pocket] I had to walk home!

Wait, you left the mercado van there?! I'm gonna get a ticket! [grabs the keys and leaves]

Huh, sounds like a classic case of test-taking anxiety. My students get it all the time. Never fear, Bobby. There are many scientific ways to beat it! I'll help you.

Bobby

Deal!

[gets his hand covered in sweat] Eh, you weren't kidding about your sweaty palms. [chuckles]

Ronnie Anne

Bobby?

Bobby

That's right! [removes the gum off the camera] I don't appreciate being cut off! [shakes the gum off his hand] Yuck! From communication!

Ronnie Anne

Well, we didn't appreciate you spying on us. We've all helped out here and know what to do. Look around! Nothing went wrong.

Bobby

How can you say that?! The mangos smell like trout! The milk is facing the wrong way! This can is off by a centimeter!

Ronnie Anne

You're being so picky! That stuff doesn't matter!

Bobby

It matters to me! I don't need a bunch of kids coming in here and changing everything! You'll understand when you're older.

Ronnie Anne

Oh, ho, ho! I think we understand now! You're just like a Mercado run in a very specific way! [takes her apron off and gives it to her brother] So, run it yourself! [walks out]

Yeah, we quit!

We're done!

Later, jefe.

[clears throat] You might be wondering why I’ve gathered you here today.

To smell a bunch of dirty laundry?

No. I want to bring you in on an exciting investment opportunity. Our very own spooky tour! All we have to do is make up some spooky junk, give the people some scares, and the money will come pouring in! [laughs, then focuses] So, what spooky thing should we feature on the tour?

[comes in the room, taps him on the shoulder, startling him; unhappy] Ay, Carl. This room is filthy. You were supposed to make your bed and pick up your dirty clothes. And give Lalo a flea bath.

And I'm totally gonna. Later.

You better listen, Carl, or El Cucuy will come after you. He always knows when children are misbehaving. He watches you with his glowing red eyes and he can hear you from miles away with his giant hairy ear.

Abuelo has a giant hairy ear and he can't hear his cell phone ring.

I'm serious, Carl. [goes after Hector] Hector, su teléfono!

Would you chill out?! [gets up] Don't bruise the threads, man. The more successful we look, the more money people will give us. Aren't I a genius businessman? [laughs, then sees the pets cowering] Guys, what's your problem?

[whimpering] Cucuy!

[turns around, seeing the figure behind him; not scared] Okay, I get what's going on here. Nice try, Ronnie Anne. Getting back at me for kicking you off the tour? Cool red flashlight eyes. Really working it with that heavy breathing.

Ronnie Anne

[walks up, tattered and exhausted; angry at Carl] My heavy breathing is because I had to walk ALL the way home from where you ditched me! If I wasn’t so tired, I’d kick your butt! [angrily storms inside]

[suddenly scared] But, if that’s not Ronnie Anne, then it must really be... [gasps as the cucuy snarls] EL CUCUY!

[lifts up the couch] ¿Sergio, done estas! [sets the couch down] Where did he go?! It’s not like him to just disappear like… [breaks down in tears] THIIIIIIIII-IS!!!

Bobby

I wish you could just fly away... [In slow motion] ...and NEVER! COME! BACK!!!

Roberto, you were the last one to see him. Did you see where he went?

Bobby

Uh... [eyes dart to and from] No! It's not like I'd told him to leave and never come back. [nervous laugh] "But I'll go look for him.

Well, Sergio's not here either.

"CARL!!"