Ewan quotes from The Casagrandes

Bobby

[tiptoeing to Lori's golf cart, trying not to be seen, sprays perfume on himself] Lori's gonna be so surprised! [gets in Lori's bag and hides with red flowers]

Nice form, Lori! Looking good! [gives her a thumbs up and winks]

[chuckles] Thanks to all the one-on-one time you've given me.

Bobby

[pops the flowers] One-on-one time?! [wobbles and falls off the golf cart, rolling down towards them] Hey, babe. [chuckles]

[gasps] Bobby?

Bobby

Yep. That's right, your… [stares fiercely at Ewan] boyfriend, Bobby. [back to Lori, normally] I came to surprise you. But enough about me. Who's this guy?

This is my classmate, Ewan.

You must be the famous [slaps Bobby on the back] Poo Poo Bear I've heard so much about.

Bobby

It's "Boo Boo Bear."

Ewan's been helping me with my game. He's literally the best golfer here.

Bobby

Nice! Helping how exactly?

Oh. With techniques like this. [makes an impression of Ewan] "Grip the club tight, Lori. Widen your stands. You're doing great!" [chuckles] That's my impersonation of Ewan.

That is so me, Lori! [he and Lori both laugh]

Right?

Bobby

[nervously chuckles] This is all so funny for me.

Lori's amazing. You're a lucky guy.

Bobby

Thanks, Urine.

"Ewan".

Bobby

Urine. Got it.

[hugs Bobby] I'm so excited you're here! [sees and points to Carl and Sergio laying on a hammock] Is that Carl and Sergio?

Hey, what up double L?

Bobby

They kind of invited themselves.

Ooh, I wanna show you how much better my drive's gotten. All thanks to Ewan.

Oh stop, Lori. You’re making me blush.

Bobby

Great. [chuckles] Well, give me a sec to check on the boys. Gotta make sure they're behaving themselves. [walks backwards to Carl and Sergio; whispering] Did you guys see all that?! I think that guy's into Lori. And she doesn't exactly seem to hate him, either!

You're right to worry. That dude is after your girl.

[squawks] He's hot. And you're… you.

Bobby

[groans] This is awful! What do I do?

Relax. You just have to make him look like a chump.

Bobby

You don't think that's kinda mean?

Huh. Suit yourself. But don't come crying to me on their wedding day.

Bobby

[shocked] Wha…?! [fading into his imagination; standing outside the church window, watching Ewan putting a golf-ball style ring on Lori's finger and Lori and Ewan get married as they kiss, cries in despair and slowly slides down; back to reality, grabs Carl by the collar] I'll do whatever it takes!

Oh, Boo Boo Bear, there you are.

Bobby

Babe, I just had a fantastic idea. I was thinking Ewan and I should have a friendly little golf competition, huh? To get to know each other better.

[touched] Aw, that's so sweet. But you don't play golf, Boo Boo Bear. And Ewan's undefeated.

Guilty as charged.

Bobby

Then he can give me some pointers as we play.

Sure, I think I can swing that.

[snaps fingers] Ooh. [she and Ewan laugh]

Bobby

[laughs harder, unable to control his annoyed anger] Well, may the best man win. [he and Ewan shake hands]

You mean lowest score.

Bobby

Right. See, I'm learning already.

Bobby

[to Lori] You and Ewan were getting so close, I was afraid I'd lose you. So I made Ewan look bad. I'm so sorry, Lori... and Ewan... and everyone.

Bobby, that's ridiculous. I love you so much, I would never leave you for Ewan. Or anyone.

Bobby

Really?

Of course, Boo Boo Bear.

So, I'm not awful at golf then? I still got it?

Of course, [chuckles] I knew it all along. I was just kidding before. [Sits up, begging] Please don't leave us, Ewan.

Relax, Coach. I'm not going anywhere.