The Big Bang Theory · Season 8
Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back. I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
I love you, too.
You said it.
There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.
[Sheldon holds a card with "Tesla" written on it to his forehead]
This is an easy one. You love this guy.
Me!
C'mon, he's an under-appreciated genius...
Still think it's me.
It's not you. Now think! There's a car named after him.
Of course there is. The Mini Cooper, 'cause it's me.
How about this? He's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper.
Oh, Tesla.
Buddy, I get that you're worried about me and I appreciate that, but I'm not going to die.
You don't know that.
Well... I do know that it won't be from an asteroid strike.
You know who else said that? Every cocky T. Rex currently swimming around in the gas tank of your car.
[While going through Professor Abbott's work] What if... what if this is the thing that would've finally let him open that bottle of champagne?
Maybe he didn't know what to pair champagne with. Strawberries, caviar, oysters. All good choices. [Leonard looks at him] Yeah, that look right there is why people eat before they come to your parties.
I'd like to take a moment to personally thank Doctor Amy Farah-Fowler, who you may know or not know is the first woman to co-host a flag or banner related internet entertainment show.
[to the camera] Take that glass ceiling.
You know what I love about the clean room? No allergies. [Takes deep breath] Whoa! That's a lot of oxygen.
[Was singing to "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" when Sheldon turns off the radio] Why did you turn it off?
Because in the last ten minutes, Santa Claus came to town, kissed Mommy and ran Grandma over with a reindeer. I have a drunk uncle who did all those things and no one sings songs about him.
Well, maybe it would help if you thought of him as a superhero whose superpower is bringing joy to children.
My uncle did that too. It turned out to be legal in Oklahoma.
Bad news. There's no signal.
Well, there were plenty of things to do before cell phones. I'll look them up. [Pulls out phone before realizing] Son of a biscuit!
Just let it go.
What kind of store doesn't have wifi? I'm calling their corporate offices - Son of a biscuit!
I have excellent peripheral vision... On a good day I can see my ears.
I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but when a mouse completes a test, it gets rewarded with a food pellet.
It also gets its brain plucked out with a tweezer.
And its last meal is a food pellet? You're a monster
[Leonard is disturbed from his sleep and comes out to find Sheldon working away while listening to a loud racket]
[shouting above the noise, but he'd be shouting regardless] What is going on!?
Oh, I need to keep my anxiety at the right level, so I'm using Darth Vader, The Joker and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot. I tried including Taylor Swift into the mix, but it turns out I love her!
A-at least listen to it through headphones, I'm trying to sleep. Goodnight!
[he leaves]
Boy... [stops the audio to put his headphones in] Taylor was right. Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate.
I've never thought I'd ever get the chance to give you this. Good job. [Puts a sticker on Leonard's shirt]
You're giving me a sticker?
Not just a sticker. It has a kitten that says "Me-wow!"
I'm not a kindergartner.
All right, I'll take it back.
Hey, I earned this, back off!
I hate how mean everyone is on the internet.
The anonimity makes people feel they can say things they'd never say to someone's face.
That's funny. I never have any trouble saying what I think to someone's face.
[The group are preparing Stuart's Comic Book Store for its reopening. It is a tense affair, as Penny has found out that Amy and Sheldon have been testing Chimpanzee puzzles on her, Howard has discovered that his mother, before going to visit her sister in Florida, had loaned Stuart some of her furniture for his store, and Sheldon, having found out that Amy provided Kripke with mathematical assistance, is trying to grasp the concept of letting things go. Leonard is conversing with Penny]
I can't believe they did that.
I know, it's so insulting. At one point, they had me figure out how to get a banana out of a puzzle box!
Wait... Sheldon gave me a banana in a puzzle box. He was testing me too!
Unbelievable.
And how could a chimp even solve that? That was impossible.
Really? You couldn't get it out?
[Amy and Sheldon knock on the door. Raj lets them in, and Sheldon thanks him. Leonard and Penny get up and advance on them at once]
Wow, the store looks great -
So you were testing us both? What is the matter with you?
What's the matter with them is they think they're so smart, they don't care if they hurt other people's feelings!
That isn't true!
[concurrently] That sounds like us. [Amy looks at him in irritation] I still don't understand why you're upset. You solved every puzzle faster than all of the chimps.
Well, except Barnabus, but he was on Adderall.
[Howard and Bernadette come in from the back room, mid-conversation]
...I'm sorry, but it's making me crazy.
Can you please just let it go?
Ooh, I can help you with that. Imagine you're holding an ordinary pen - while your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket.
[Howard's phone rings]
Hold that thought. [goes off to answer it in the next room] Hello?
[To Leonard and Penny] How can I make this up to you?
[angrily putting both fists together] The answer is in this puzzle box, let's see if you can open it!
[She and Leonard walk away, while Bernadette goes to Stuart]
You could have at least warned him about the furniture.
That's what I said when we moved it!
You helped him!?
[sarcastically] No. Stuart picked up those three pillows all on his own.
[Howard returns from his phone call, looking visibly shaken]
Hey, you okay?
[in a dazed voice] No...
What's wrong?
...My mom died.
[All heads turn towards him in shock]
What!?
That was my aunt. Ma took a nap and... She never woke up.
[beginning to cry] Oh my God, Howie...
[She embraces him, while the rest of the group solemnly gather round, Penny visibly looking on the verge of tears as well]
I'm so sorry.
What can we do?
I don't know...
[He sits down in an armchair and buries his face in his hands]
May I say something?
[sadly] Not right now, Sheldon.
But I think it would be comforting.
Buddy -
It's okay... [looks up at him] What?
When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.
[Howard gives him a weak smile, while the others remain in shocked silence, both from the news and the fact that Sheldon has said something genuinely supportive]
[breaking down] I really thought he was gonna say "let it go."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
