Bernadette Rostenkowski quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Leonard

You don't go into science for the money.

Bernadette

Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ca-ching you blinky chumps!

Sheldon

Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One? Raj?

Xbox One.

Sheldon

Penny?

Penny

Huh?

Sheldon

Leonard?

Leonard

PS4.

Sheldon

Wolowitz?

Howard

Both are great.

Sheldon

Bernadette?

Bernadette

I like the Wii!

Sheldon

Thanks grandma.

Bernadette

[Was singing to "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" when Sheldon turns off the radio] Why did you turn it off?

Sheldon

Because in the last ten minutes, Santa Claus came to town, kissed Mommy and ran Grandma over with a reindeer. I have a drunk uncle who did all those things and no one sings songs about him.

Bernadette

Well, maybe it would help if you thought of him as a superhero whose superpower is bringing joy to children.

Sheldon

My uncle did that too. It turned out to be legal in Oklahoma.

Howard

...I'm sorry, but it's making me crazy.

Bernadette

Can you please just let it go?

Sheldon

Ooh, I can help you with that. Imagine you're holding an ordinary pen - while your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket.

Howard

Hold that thought. [goes off to answer it in the next room] Hello?

Amy

[To Leonard and Penny] How can I make this up to you?

Penny

[angrily putting both fists together] The answer is in this puzzle box, let's see if you can open it!

Bernadette

You could have at least warned him about the furniture.

That's what I said when we moved it!

Bernadette

You helped him!?

[sarcastically] No. Stuart picked up those three pillows all on his own.

Leonard

Hey, you okay?

Howard

[in a dazed voice] No...

Leonard

What's wrong?

Howard

...My mom died.

Bernadette

What!?

Howard

That was my aunt. Ma took a nap and... She never woke up.

Bernadette

[beginning to cry] Oh my God, Howie...

Leonard

I'm so sorry.

What can we do?

Howard

I don't know...

Sheldon

May I say something?

Leonard

[sadly] Not right now, Sheldon.

Sheldon

But I think it would be comforting.

Leonard

Buddy -

Howard

It's okay... [looks up at him] What?

Sheldon

When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.

Penny

[breaking down] I really thought he was gonna say "let it go."

Howard

Oh, man. This is the boutonnière from my high school prom. A piece of cake from my Bar Mitzvah.

Bernadette

Did she throw anything away?

Howard

No. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.

Amy

Ooh, you just chose champions. It's like we're re-enacting the ancient German practice of trial by combat.

Penny

It's also like when the Mountain fought the Red Viper in Game of Thrones.

Bernadette

Leonard makes you watch that, too?

Penny

No, I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

Bernadette

He spent an entire date talking about how much he loves Sheldon.

Amy

It's nothing Sheldon hasn't done before.

Penny

Hey, so I saw a movie trailer the other day, How could Batman possibly fight Superman? Isn't that dumb!

Bernadette

Maybe he uses kryptonite.

Well, Batman's got a lot of money; maybe he builds a suit that can do everything Superman can do.

Penny

No, no, no, no, no, I've seen that movie. It's called Iron Man.

Leonard

What is happening?

Howard

I don't know.

But it's beautiful.

Penny

How's Ben Affleck as Batman?

Oh, he was great in Shakespeare in Love.

Penny

Ooh, we should watch that next girls' night.

Bernadette

We could do a double feature with the Leonardo DiCaprio Romeo and Juliet.

Penny

Oh, I love me some Leo.

Leonard

And it's gone.

Howard

Should we name him?

Bernadette

It is Valentine's Day. How about Valentino?

Howard

Nice. A classic rabbit name. Peter Rabbit, Roger Rabbit. Valentino Wolowitz Rabbit. Oh, look at all that chest hair and overbite. Of course you're a Wolowitz.

Bernadette

I left my phone downstairs!

Howard

Dammit, so did I!

Bernadette

I have my iPad.

Howard

What are you going to do, email 911?!

Howard

[after feeling the baby kicking] There's a baby in there!

Bernadette

Oh yeah, that's where I put it.

Amy

Ever since I met Penny, I've been envious of her looks.

Penny

Awww. Thank you.

Amy

That's why I was so happy when you cut your hair off.

Penny

WHAT?!?

Amy

You know what I mean. You were still hot, but more like a "Why'd that hot girl cut off all her hair?" hot.

Penny

[to Leonard] Well, you liked my short hair, right?

Leonard

Yeah, I... loved it. Love you, love the hair, would love to change the subject.

Penny

[to the group] Seriously? None of you liked it?

Bernadette

I thought it was brave. Does that count as liking it?

Penny

You know, how come nobody's talking about Howard's dopey haircut?

Bernadette

I think he looks cute.

Howard

I think you're cure.

I think you're both cute.

Penny

I think I hate all of you nerds!

Penny

[recapping Sheldon's story for Bernadette] They told Mary they were living together, there was a fight, he got his feelings hurt, then he put underwear on his head --

Leonard

On purpose. Not the way it used to happen in high school.

Sheldon

I was acting odd intentionally.

Bernadette

Really? So you can control it?

Bernadette

[in tears] How come Stuart can get her to stop crying, but I can't?

Howard

It's Stuart. Maybe she's playing possum until he goes away.

Bernadette

Not funny.

She's tired. That was funny.

Penny

Hey, can I ask you a question? You've been married for a while. Is it normal for the husband to completely stop giving a crap?

Bernadette

Uh-oh, what's going on?

Penny

Well, Leonard used to do all these things, like bring me flowers and wear pants.