Raj quotes from The Big Bang Theory

An evening looking at the stars, that's still kind of romantic.

RRaj

Except I'll be alone.

I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here. Work with me.

S7 E15 The Locomotive Manipulation

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You guys ever thought of getting a dining room table?

Yeah, you actually do have room for one up there.

RRaj

Oh sure! I sit on the floor for years, no one cares. The pretty white girl sat 10 seconds and suddenly we’re all running to IKEA.

No one is running anywhere. We're not getting a dining room table.

I know you don't like change, but it's not a terrible idea.

You guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?

Do you want the long answer or the short answer?

How come we never get that option?

Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system if the equation is describing its behavior in non-linear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result.

Translation?

[Imitating a baby] Wah! I don't want a table!

S7 E16 The Table Polarization

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It's a sequel of that awful killer gorilla movie I was in.

Serial Ape-ist? I thought you died in that.

She does. 42 minutes in.

RRaj

While showering topless, 16 minutes after brief side butt during a pillow fight with her sorority sisters.

I have an eidetic memory. I don't know what his problem is.

S7 E17 The Friendship Turbulence

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Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One? Raj?

RRaj

Xbox One.

Penny?

Huh?

Leonard?

PS4.

Wolowitz?

Both are great.

Bernadette?

I like the Wii!

Thanks grandma.

S7 E19 The Indecision Amalgamation

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Okay, here we go. Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

RRaj

Let's get this over with.

Since we all agree episode I isn't our favourite, maybe we just skip it this time?

Yeah Howard, I think you of all people should avoid espousing the principle that if something is not our favorite, we should just get rid of it.

S7 E22 The Proton Transmogrification

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I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.

What a sick use of science.

RRaj

Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.

I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.

Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.

Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.

Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersoldier is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.

S8 E2 The Junior Professor Solution

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[Howard gets ready to "pitch" on the game console]

RRaj

You suck Wolowitz!

What's that about?

RRaj

I'm heckling you. It's a beloved part of baseball.

S8 E3 The First Pitch Insufficiency

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Maybe we have lost our focus.

It wouldn't kill us to get together and brainstorm ideas.

RRaj

Oooh... We could have one of those retreats.

Like our own science retreat.

My cousin has a cabin out in the woods.

I'm not going to a cabin in the woods. Did you see the movie Cabin in the Woods?

Then we'll go to a hotel.

A hotel? Did you see The Shining?

RRaj

We could go up to Big Bend, get a house on the lake.

Did you see The Lake House?

RRaj

Nothing bad happens in The Lake House.

Well no, not to them, to me! Time-traveling mail box. The only time that traveled was an hour and a half of my life down the toilet.

Fine, then we'll just stay here and do it.

Well you didn't suggest a beach house.

You would go to a beach house?

Good Lord no! Have you seen Jaws?

S8 E5 The Focus Attenuation

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Are they making fun of us?

RRaj

Yep.

I miss the old days when I didn’t know.

S8 E6 The Expedition Approximation

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RRaj

Hey, Sheldon, you busy?

I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multitasking. You know, currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture, and I'm wondering how mermaids have babies.

RRaj

Don't they lay eggs on a rock?

Now I've got room for another thing.

S8 E6 The Expedition Approximation

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[While going through Professor Abbott's work] What if... what if this is the thing that would've finally let him open that bottle of champagne?

RRaj

Maybe he didn't know what to pair champagne with. Strawberries, caviar, oysters. All good choices. [Leonard looks at him] Yeah, that look right there is why people eat before they come to your parties.

S8 E10 The Champagne Reflection

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RRaj

I hate how mean everyone is on the internet.

The anonimity makes people feel they can say things they'd never say to someone's face.

That's funny. I never have any trouble saying what I think to someone's face.

S8 E14 The Troll Manifestation

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[Howard and Bernadette come in from the back room, mid-conversation]

...I'm sorry, but it's making me crazy.

Can you please just let it go?

Ooh, I can help you with that. Imagine you're holding an ordinary pen - while your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket.

[Howard's phone rings]

Hold that thought. [goes off to answer it in the next room] Hello?

[To Leonard and Penny] How can I make this up to you?

[angrily putting both fists together] The answer is in this puzzle box, let's see if you can open it!

[She and Leonard walk away, while Bernadette goes to Stuart]

You could have at least warned him about the furniture.

RRaj

That's what I said when we moved it!

You helped him!?

RRaj

[sarcastically] No. Stuart picked up those three pillows all on his own.

[Howard returns from his phone call, looking visibly shaken]

Hey, you okay?

[in a dazed voice] No...

What's wrong?

...My mom died.

[All heads turn towards him in shock]

What!?

That was my aunt. Ma took a nap and... She never woke up.

[beginning to cry] Oh my God, Howie...

[She embraces him, while the rest of the group solemnly gather round, Penny visibly looking on the verge of tears as well]

I'm so sorry.

RRaj

What can we do?

I don't know...

[He sits down in an armchair and buries his face in his hands]

May I say something?

[sadly] Not right now, Sheldon.

But I think it would be comforting.

Buddy -

It's okay... [looks up at him] What?

When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.

[Howard gives him a weak smile, while the others remain in shocked silence, both from the news and the fact that Sheldon has said something genuinely supportive]

[breaking down] I really thought he was gonna say "let it go."

S8 E15 The Comic Book Store Regeneration

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Why are marine biologists always so cute?

RRaj

I don't know, but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda Triangle.

That's not helpful.

Then I won't say I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.

Are you done?

RRaj

Not yet, this is fun! Ooh, I know... I'd let her free my Willy.

[Leonard gets up]

RRaj

Where are you going?

Going to ask her if she'd be willing to talk to Penny. Tell her she has nothing to worry about.

Leonard wait.

What?

I'd like to spongebob her squarepants.

RRaj

Now we are done.

S9 E2 The Separation Oscillation

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Barry

Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club. Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.

That's not why we're here.

RRaj

Yeah, I'm here because I think it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.