Howard Wolowitz quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Stuart

Wanna see my room?

Denise

Yeah.

Stuart

Cool.

Bernadette

How do you feel about this?

Howard

She can clearly do better, but that's not for me to say.

Bernadette

No. Them in his room. Doing stuff.

Howard

C'mon. We're sitting right out here. They're not going to do anything. [As soon as that's out of his mouth, suddenly Sade's "Smooth Operator" starts playing loudly from his room] I'd like to change my answer.

If Tam knows what he did, we can just ask him. He's gonna be on campus tomorrow showing his son around.

Leonard

Won't that make Sheldon mad?

Everything makes Sheldon mad.

Howard

Yeah. Look at his list. Jim Henson for, quote, "putting a terrifying, giant yellow bird on television and in my nightmares."

Howard

[dressed like Sheldon, imitating him] Hello.

Sheldon

Hello.

Howard

I see you are dressed as Doc Brown from Back to the Future. May I assume that Amy is going as his wife, Clara Clayton, from Back to the Future Part III?

Sheldon

She is. [looks at Howard] Did you do something different to your hair?

Howard

Yes.

Sheldon

Looking good.

Leonard

Oh, my God, you look amazing.

[dressed as "Kuth" Bader Ginsburg] I find you guilty of murder, because you are killing it!

Howard

[imitating Sheldon] Well, technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter. They could only reverse or revamp a jury's conviction based on a constitutional or statutory issue.

Sheldon

[seeing Leonard and Raj laughing] Why are you laughing? His statement was factually correct.

Hey, don't freak out, but I think there's someone in your playhouse.

Howard

Oh. Yeah, that's just Bernadette. She's been hiding out in there all week.

Really? Why?

Howard

I don't know. She's been a little overwhelmed at work. And, frankly, me and the kids are a lot. She just needs some downtime.

And you just pretend like you don't know?

Howard

Sure. That's how marriage works. Three years ago, I told her I got life insurance, and I totally didn't. Someday, she's gonna find out. I'm gonna say, "Ha-ha! I know you've been hiding in the playhouse."

Penny

Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.

Leonard

So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.

Penny

Symmetry.

Leonard

Asymmetry.

Penny

Oh, SimCity. Sounds too much like symmetry.

Leonard

That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.

Penny

Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.

Leonard

Uh, also, no talk of Rocky IV.

Bernadette

Why Rocky IV?

Howard

Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.

Sheldon

I went down to the city compliance office to turn you in.

Howard

Are you kidding?

Sheldon

But I didn’t do it. I filled out the form and then realized that the unwritten laws of friendship are more important than the written rules of the city of Altadena City and Planning Department.

Bernadette

Aw.

Howard

Really? Aw?

Sheldon

And you’ll be happy to know that while I was there I did look into your neighbor’s balcony and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy so I reported him hard.

Howard

What did they say?

Sheldon

He’s going to have to remove it.

Bernadette

So the good guys win?

Sheldon

Well, I don’t know if I’d call you the good guys. You’re enforcing a law on him which you’re willfully ignoring yourselves.

Bernadette

Uh. All right, fine. The morally compromising guys win!

Sheldon

Apparently so.

Well, does that take me back.

Howard

Yeah, the two of us, cruising around town looking for women,

Looking and looking and looking. Remember that time one looked back and said hi?

Howard

Oh yeah. We drove away so fast.

Howard

So she's coming over again?

Stuart

Yeah, we're gonna do a movie night.

Howard

It's my house. Don't you think you should ask me?

Stuart

You’re right, I’m sorry. Howard, would you like to come to movie night?