Penny quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Leonard

What are you doing?

Penny

Making a boat. When I was a kid, my dad showed me how.

Leonard

Boy, you'll do anything to avoid reading.

Sheldon

All right, that moves us on to the tactical shipping phase. Penny, I believe as logistics commander, that's you.

Penny

Okay. [waving a white napkin] I surrender.

Sheldon

Nice try, Penny. It takes more than everybody not enjoying it to stop a game with Sheldon Cooper.

Sheldon

Oh, Penny, I folded your laundry for you.

Penny

That's not mine.

Sheldon

It's not?

Penny

No.

Sheldon

[holds up a pair of large pink panties] So you're telling me that this is not yours.

Penny

Nope.

Sheldon

So I'm holding a stranger's underpants.

Penny

Yeah.

Sheldon

[drops the panties and puts Purell on his hands] And just like that, it's the worst day of my life.

Leonard

What you got there?

Penny

Oh, I grabbed a sandwich at the food truck out front.

Sheldon

Wait, n-now hold on. Tonight is Friday, and I believe you know what that means.

Penny

That my fun, young life took a drastic turn somewhere?

Sheldon

No.

Leonard

But yeah.

Sheldon

No, that means it's Chinese food night.

Penny

Yeah, and you have Chinese food, so eat it.

Sheldon

But I can smell your pastrami.

Howard

And we can all hear your complaining, so no one's happy.

Sheldon

Speaking of fashion, I'm going to ask the university for money. What should I wear?

Penny

I can lend you a bra that gets me free drinks.

Amy

How much money are you asking for?

Sheldon

Five hundred million dollars.

Penny

I'd go no bra.

Penny

I can't believe you threw me under the bus like that!

Bernadette

I know! Crazy, right?

Penny

Do you know how that makes me look?

Bernadette

I do. Terrible!

Penny

What happened to keeping a united front?

Bernadette

I'm sorry, is this your first day being a girl?

Amy

Okay, so each welcome bag gets a schedule of events, a map, and chocolate from me. And from Sheldon, a bottle of Purell, the number for Poison Control in case someone accidentally drinks the Purell, and a laminated table of elements because the American school system is a failure.

Bernadette

How many out of town guests are there gonna be?

Amy

I'm actually not sure. Turns out Sheldon didn't invite his brother.

Penny

Mm. Now it's starting to sound like a wedding.

Amy

And his mom said she won't come if his brother's not there.

Bernadette

Ooh, now it's starting to sound like a good wedding.

Penny

Now we got a lot of family coming in tomorrow. I'm gonna need everyone's help. Think of this as one of your comic book movies. There's a bunch of superheroes, each with a different task.

Oh, like the new Avengers

Bernadette

Which one was that?

Howard

The one you slept through last weekend.

Bernadette

Ah. That was a good nap.

Amy

I think it's more like, uh,... like Lord of the Rings, and you're the Fellowship. Someone's gotta go to Gondor, someone's gotta go to Mordor, someone's gotta hold off the Demon of Shadow and Flame.

Leonard

You mean the Balrog?

Amy

I mean my mother.

Leonard

What were you guys giggling about?

Penny

They were passing notes to each other.

Leonard

Oh-ho, love notes?

Penny

If you love math.

Sheldon

And we do.

Amy

It's for our super-asymmetry theory.

Sheldon

Yeah, Amy and I have been having so much fun collaborating together.

Penny

Well, you know what they say, you never collaborate as much as your first year of marriage.

Penny

So when was the last time you saw Howard in his astronaut uniform?

Bernadette

About a week ago.

Penny

Really? What was the occasion?

Bernadette

Date night. We do a little role-playing.

Penny

What role do you play?

Bernadette

[using Russian accent] I am Ykatarina Nazdorovya, lonely Russian cosmonaut who is expert at physics and making love.

Penny

Okay, that just made the next hour really weird.

Amy

Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months?

Yeah, well, her family's doing most of the work. They're amazing. We talk all the time.

Sheldon

Why?

Because we're about to get married and they're gonna be my family.

Sheldon

Amy and I are married, and I never talk to her family.

Penny

Really? My parents love Leonard.

Leonard

Yeah. And my mother loves Penny, which is weird, because I never knew she could love.

Penny

Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.

Leonard

So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.

Penny

Symmetry.

Leonard

Asymmetry.

Penny

Oh, SimCity. Sounds too much like symmetry.

Leonard

That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.

Penny

Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.

Leonard

Uh, also, no talk of Rocky IV.

Bernadette

Why Rocky IV?

Howard

Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.

Penny

Champagne, a champagne, a champagne with a packet of Splenda in it.

Sheldon

You know what I call this drink?

Penny

A waste of champagne?

Sheldon

No. A Dr. Cooper. Because...

Amy

He is also sweet and bubbly.

Leonard

A toast to Sheldon and Amy and the publication of your super-asymmetry paper. We are so proud of you guys. Cheers.

Amy

Thanks.

Penny

Yay.

Sheldon

Ooh! That is PhD-licious.

Bernadette

So Leonard's really considering this?

Penny

Yes. We got in a huge fight about it. He said, well, if I don't want to have his baby, then why shouldn't someone else be able to? Do you believe that? What?

Bernadette

Well, there is a deep-seated biological drive to pass on your genes. It's only natural.

Penny

So you're on his side?

Amy

Well, viewing Leonard as a mammal, it's perfectly understandable.

Bernadette

But viewing him as your husband, he stinks.

Amy

And we hate him.

Leonard

So are you saying you're okay with this?

Penny

I don't know, but when I told you I didn't want kids you didn't have a say in that, so maybe I don't need to have a say in this.

Leonard

Thank you.

Penny

They couldn't have picked a better person.