Penny quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Penny

Aren't you always saying it's about the work, not more money or a better title?

Leonard

All the smart things I say, and you remember the dumb one.

Penny

Okay, that’s my dad. Now remember, don’t bring up any baby stuff. All right? Not me wanting one, not you having one with Zack.

Leonard

Got it.

Penny

And if he brings it up, just change the subject to literally anything else.

Leonard

Got it.

Penny

But not the Cornhuskers, Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.

Leonard

Is that a sports team?

Penny

Never mind, you’re good.

Leonard

Kevin Smith was there, and-and, uh, this really tall guy named Kareem.

Penny

Wait, wait, K-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?

Leonard

I don't know, it was, uh, Kareem something Jabbar. How do you know him?

Penny

How do you not know him?

Leonard

Well, I know him now 'cause he was there.

Penny

Wow. That is so cool.

Leonard

Oh, a-and that, uh, the guy who played the werewolf on-on True Blood, he was there.

Penny

What? Joe Manganiello?

Leonard

Uh, yeah.

Penny

From Magic Mike?

Leonard

What's that?

Penny

[showing him a photo] Okay, okay. Did he look... like this?

Leonard

He had his clothes on, but yeah.

Penny

I want to be really prepared for the conference.

Bernadette

You're gonna do great.

Penny

You really think so?

Bernadette

Of course. They're scared of you. You're scared of me. The system works.

Leonard

Professor Thorne.

Dr. Hofstadter.

Leonard

Uh, you know my wife Penny.

Penny

Hi.

Leonard

Uh, we wanted to talk to you about Dr. Cooper. Now before you say no...

No.

Leonard

Well, then after you say no…

No.

Penny

Okay, look, Sheldon a paint in the ass… but Dr. Fowler is really nice. So if you average them out... math... you've got someone who's really okay.

Leonard

But more than the person, the Nobel is about the work. You should understand that more than anybody.

Penny

Yes, because of your work on gravitational waves.

You know my work?

Penny

I do. I'm really hogging the conversation, Leonard?

Leonard

Just give them a chance. Science has a history of difficult people. Look at Newton who was a jerk to Leibniz, and Leibniz who was a jerk to everyone.

Penny

Yeah, and you know, I don't need to tell you that gravitational waves are disturbances in the curvature of space-time. And that the... Hey, you worked on the movie Interstellar?

Penny

If this is what he wants, he should ask for it. I mean, what's the worst that happens? They say no.

Leonard

Well, I'm not going to let them say no. If they don't want me to quit, this is what it's gonna take.

Penny

Wait, you're gonna quit.

Leonard

Yeah, it's like you said, I have to go after what I want, and if I can't get that at Caltech, there are plenty of other universities in the world.

Penny

In the world? I can't even get you to the beach and now you want to move to the world?

Leonard

Well I don't want to, if that's what I have to do.

Penny

Okay, don't you think threatening to quit your job is something you should run by me first?

Leonard

You said I shouldn't worry about your feelings.

Penny

I meant feelings about things that I don't care about.

Leonard

Can't believe it. Sheldon loves telling on people when they break the rules.

Penny

Yeah, well, maybe, he's changed.

Leonard

He hasn't changed. Last week when the vending machine gave me two bags of chips he called my mom.

Penny

Well, that didn't ruin your life.

Leonard

Well, it ruined my day. And I had to talk to my mom, who by the way is polyamorous now. So that's fun to think about.

Penny

Look, I'm proud of Sheldon and Amy. You know, they want to win on their own merits, not by knocking out the competition.

Leonard

Yeah, but what if they don't win. Pemberton and Campbell have done an amazing job associating their names with super-asymmetry. They have all the momentum right now.

Penny

I don't like the idea of them losing either, but this is their decision to make, not ours.

Leonard

Maybe it is ours.

Penny

What do you mean?

Leonard

Well, if Sheldon and Amy don't want to expose Pemberton, that doesn't meant that someone else can't do it for them. They never have to know.

Penny

Really? You'd do that?

Leonard

They deserve the Nobel. I’m not gonna let two frauds steal it from them. And if it means getting my hands dirty, then so be it. [Penny laughs.] What's so funny?

Penny

Just realized I've never actually seen your hands dirty.

Amy

I don't want to be the only one that doesn't go. I'll just sit here afraid that you're all talking about me.

Penny

We're not going to talk about you.

Amy

That's my other fear.

Amy

We won.

Penny

Congratulations!

Leonard

Oh, my god!

Sheldon

We did it.

Amy

I know. Can you believe it?

Sheldon

That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming? [Leonard slaps him hard and everyone gasps] We won the Nobel Prize!

Penny

Hey, what's going on?

Sheldon

[covering his mouth] Unclean! Unclean!

Penny

What?

Leonard

He thinks you're sick.

Penny

Oh. Should we tell him?

Leonard

Well, if we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.

Penny

Yeah. Doesn't answer my question.

Sheldon

Tell me what?

Penny

I'm pregnant, Sheldon.

Sheldon

You're right, I can't catch that.

Sheldon

I have a very long and somewhat self-centered speech here. But I'd like to set it aside. Because this honor doesn't just belong to me. I wouldn't be up here if it weren't for some very important people in my life. Beginning with my mother, father, meemaw, brother, and sister. And my other family, who I'm so happy to have here with us. Is that Buffy the Vampire Slayer? [ Sarah Michelle Gellar, sitting next to Raj, waves] I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired, and tolerated not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had. I'd like to ask them to stand. [Each standing when named] Dr. Rajesh Koothrapali. Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz. Astronaut Howard Wolowitz. And my two dearest friends in the world, Penny Hofstadter and Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met. He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful. And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.

Penny

[through tears] Thanks, Sheldon. I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks.

Sheldon

Oh, I'm sorry. Don't tell anyone that last thing. That's a secret. [pause] Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Penny, Leonard, I apologize if I haven't been the friend you deserve. But I want you to know, in my way, I love you all. [Turns to Amy] And I love you. Thank you.