Sheldon you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. I spent one in Vegas.
LeonardYou did?
Yeah. Back when I was dating Zack. Actually it was more fun than I thought. We gambled, went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels. We had a really good turkey dinner which was surprising since we were at a strip club.
Leonard
What? You went to a chapel?
Leonard
Why?
We had one those silly fake weddings.
Leonard
Penny, you know those are real. Right?
No, they’re not. [Laughing it off]
Leonard
Yeah, they are.
[Looking worried] No, they’re not.
Leonard
Yeah, they are.
[quietly] It didn’t seem real.
Leonard
[on the phone] Yes, how much for a hundred long stemmed red roses? Really? How much for three?
Leonard
I’ll call you back.
Look I know you we’re trying to help with your Star Wars thing. I didn't mean to call it idiotic.
Leonard
Well, I don’t think you called it idiotic.
Oh. Sorry. I meant to. Anyway. Um. I was just upset with myself. I wasn't mad at you. I feel like everything is falling apart.
Leonard
Come on. It’s okay.
No it’s not okay. Look at me. Okay. I took a temp job as a waitress like forever ago and I’m still doing it. And I can’t quit because guess what I can’t do anything else. And I finally get my big break. And it goes away. I’m such a mess.
Leonard
No, you’re not.
Really? ‘Cause this morning at Starbucks a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg. And it wasn't the only one in there.
Leonard
Okay, listen to me; this is just a minor setback.
No it’s not. I've been out here for like ten years and have nothing to show for it.
Leonard
Well, you have me.
You’re right. I do have you. Hmm. Let’s get married.
Leonard
What?
Ohh. [kneeling] Leonard Hofstadter. Will you marry me?
Leonard
Umm.
Did you seriously just say, “Umm?”
Leonard
Look you know I love you, but you’re…you’re drunk and sad and feeling lost…
Okay. So-so, you don’t want to marry me?
Leonard
That is not what I said.
No, forget it. I take it back, the offer’s off the table.
[entering] Who is in the mood to laugh?
Leonard
Really not a good time.
But I used science to construct the perfect joke.
Leonard
Penny don’t.
No, no. I just need to be alone.
Leonard
Yes. I thought we were in the kind of relationship where we make decisions together. If I’m wrong, maybe we should talk about the kind of relationship we are in.
I’m willing if you guys are.
Leonard
Can we please have some privacy?
No, I’m as much a part of this relationship as you two. I think that it is high time that we put all our cards on the table. For example, where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?
Leonard
No.
Okay, wait? What are we doing?
Leonard
For some reason, we’re planning a future where we both live with Sheldon forever.
You guys ever thought of getting a dining room table?
Yeah, you actually do have room for one up there.
Oh sure! I sit on the floor for years, no one cares. The pretty white girl sat 10 seconds and suddenly we’re all running to IKEA.
No one is running anywhere. We're not getting a dining room table.
Leonard
I know you don't like change, but it's not a terrible idea.
You guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?
Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
How come we never get that option?
Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system if the equation is describing its behavior in non-linear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result.
Leonard
[Imitating a baby] Wah! I don't want a table!
So we're about to shoot this scene in the movie where the killer ape DNA is slowly taking over my body.
Leonard
Okay.
But I realize they're gluing fur everywhere, except my cleavage. So, I ask the director why and he says it's important to the story that my boobs be the last things to turn ape.
Leonard
It's sweet that he thinks there's a story.
I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
What a sick use of science.
Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard
Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersoldier is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
Did you enjoy my lecture?
No, and neither did our waiter.
Well, if you're going to serve Cornish game hen you should either be familiar with the history of Cornwall or be prepared to learn it.
It's hard to argue with that. And I know because I saw a sad man with a pepper mill desperately try and fail.
[They enter the apartment]
Good, I had Cornish game hen.
Leonard
Oh, that poor waiter.
Leonard
Maybe we have lost our focus.
It wouldn't kill us to get together and brainstorm ideas.
Oooh... We could have one of those retreats.
Leonard
Like our own science retreat.
My cousin has a cabin out in the woods.
I'm not going to a cabin in the woods. Did you see the movie Cabin in the Woods?
Leonard
Then we'll go to a hotel.
A hotel? Did you see The Shining?
We could go up to Big Bend, get a house on the lake.
Did you see The Lake House?
Nothing bad happens in The Lake House.
Well no, not to them, to me! Time-traveling mail box. The only time that traveled was an hour and a half of my life down the toilet.
Leonard
Fine, then we'll just stay here and do it.
Well you didn't suggest a beach house.
Leonard
You would go to a beach house?
Good Lord no! Have you seen Jaws?
The Big Bang Theory · 597 quotes
