Impresario Clone quotes from The Awesomes

But ask yourselves, which one amongst you hasn't given us a secret we can tell? Which one among you is safe to reveal their true selves?

Concierge

My accent hides it, but I'm a stone-cold bitch.

Impresario

I don't love my mamma. Enough.

Frantic

I'm severely mentally ill.

Perfect Man

I worry that I might be too perfect.

I collect glass elephants. And murder hobos.

I only became a general because I watched General Hospital.

Tim

The robots are malfunctioning.

Impresario

I'm about to malfunction my lunch. if you know what I mean.

Tim

Again, who wouldn't know what you mean?

Concierge

If you can describe the alien, I can cross-check the database and find their home planet.

Prock

Hmm, how best to describe it?

Gadget Gal

I would say it had a... healthy face, with a buxom overtone.

Frantic

To use the parlance of cows, I would say there was an udder quality.

Tim

It looked like the magazines under my dad's bed.

Impresario

Ah, just say it. It had tits for eyes.

Concierge

Gleeborian.

Tim

That's a funny name.

Concierge

It's a Syrenthian word.

Tim

What does it mean?

Concierge

"Tits for eyes."

Impresario

In the future, Muscleman, don't ask about the escape plan in front of those you are endeavoring to escape from!

Muscleman

Knew it as soon as I said it.

Frantic

If it makes you feel any better, we didn't have a plan.

Muscleman

That does make me feel a little better.

Prock

Thanks for coming, Black Irish.

(gravelly voiced) Yeah, I sensed you guys were looking for me.

Impresario

No, that can't be your real voice.

You got a problem with it?

Impresario

No. But you should.

Prock

Impresario, now is not the time.

Impresario

It's never the time to leave asthma untreated.

Stop talking or I'm gone.

Impresario

Gone to the doctor to get your throat checked out?

Prock

These boxes are going to the White House. So are we.

Impresario

Oh, I am not traveling in a box.

Prock

It's the only way.

Impresario

Well, put me down as fussy about that.

Frantic

And put me down as excited. When I was young, my parents often made me sleep in a box. One time, they even buried it.

Prock

You can't just put on a suit and start saving people.

Concierge

So you're upset he stopped those criminals?

Prock

"Alleged" criminals. That's the problem with these vigilantes. They jump to conclusions when we don't even have all the facts.

Tim

They were pointing a gun at her.

Impresario

And one of them said, "Don't mess with me. I'm a criminal."

Prock

Until we have all the facts, we just don't know.

Frantic

Yeah, maybe she's the one who was attacking them.

Prock

Exactly.

Frantic

Or maybe it didn't even happen, and we're not even watching the news, and it's just tiny people putting on a play inside our TV.

Prock

Well, no, it's not that. It's never that.

Gadget Gal

Well, I think this Metal Fella is a tall drink of water. He's like a hard, shiny Burt Lancaster. I'll tell you after what I'd like to do with him, he'd better hope that suit is rust-resistant.

Impresario

If you're saying what I think you're saying, he'd probably take off the suit first.

Gadget Gal

No, leave it on.

Prock

Hey, maybe we should focus on vacuuming after we fix the huge holes in the wall?

Impresario

Yeah, that's the problem. Not that Prock turned Melacchio Jr. evil or that Prock gave up the code to disable our shield. It's that I'm vacuuming!

Impresario

I'll be the art teacher.

Concierge

Why can't you be the janitor?

Impresario

Oh, give me strength, Dr. King. I will be the art teacher because I have a Masters Degree in Design. And I will not be the janitor because I don't have a Masters Degree in English.

Impresario

Stressed out at work? You want to kill your father and sleep with your mother.

Well, you just told me about a dream where your mother was a giant pillow that tried to smother you. Then you were at your mother's funeral, opened the coffin, and it was you inside. And then you killed your father and slept with your mother.

Impresario

That dream could mean anything.

Didn't you have any hobbies as a boy? Sports you played?

Impresario

Oh, no, Momma said sports were a first-class ticket to life in a wheelchair.

Video games?

Impresario

Momma said games were just a slippery slope to sports.

Puzzles?

Impresario

A hop and a skip to games. And I was not allowed to hop or skip.

Impresario

Oh, I'll pass.

Frantic

Suit yourself. More stuffed crust pizza for the rest of us. Ha ha.

Concierge

This is a fancy restaurant. They're not gonna have stuffed crust pizza.

Frantic

Um, it's an "I-talian" restaurant. I think it'd be pretty embarrassing if they didn't.

Muscleman

I'm gonna order gabagool so I can finally find out what it is.

Tim

I'm 11. I'm not a little kid.

Impresario

Yeah, but you're Asian. That makes you look younger.

Tim

Okay, that's racist.

Impresario

Hey, everyone knows the saying: black don't crack, white is tight, and Asians look younger.

Muscleman

I've never heard that last one before.

Gadget Gal

Or the second one.

Impresario

Well, it's usually "White is terrible," but I didn't want to offend you guys.

Gadget Gal

I remember Seaman. He was always trying to make time with me. I found Seaman very distasteful.

Prock

Sea-Man?

Impresario

Tell me, Gadget Gal, was he ever in your hair?

Gadget Gal

Seaman was impossible to get out of my hair.

Concierge

So, he was always on your back?

Gadget Gal

If he wasn't on my back, Seaman was on my face. When I was younger, Seaman was everywhere.

Prock

Guys, enough.

Muscleman

Did you ever put him in Tupperware and throw him in the freezer to see if you could turn him into a big ice cube? (everyone stares)

Gadget Gal

Why would anyone do that to Seaman?

Concierge

Yes, why?

Muscleman

I tried to join in the fun and I really didn't.

Impresario

Yes you did, and when we get home, we are buying new Tupperware.

Prock

This is what happens when you start wordplay in front of Muscleman.