Concierge quotes from The Awesomes

Gadget Gal

I remember Seaman. He was always trying to make time with me. I found Seaman very distasteful.

Prock

Sea-Man?

Impresario

Tell me, Gadget Gal, was he ever in your hair?

Gadget Gal

Seaman was impossible to get out of my hair.

Concierge

So, he was always on your back?

Gadget Gal

If he wasn't on my back, Seaman was on my face. When I was younger, Seaman was everywhere.

Prock

Guys, enough.

Muscleman

Did you ever put him in Tupperware and throw him in the freezer to see if you could turn him into a big ice cube? (everyone stares)

Gadget Gal

Why would anyone do that to Seaman?

Concierge

Yes, why?

Muscleman

I tried to join in the fun and I really didn't.

Impresario

Yes you did, and when we get home, we are buying new Tupperware.

Prock

This is what happens when you start wordplay in front of Muscleman.

Impresario

What's the matter with you guys? You're gay, and you're probably gay.

Concierge

I am not gay. I am practical.

Tim

Do you guys know anything about musicals?

Concierge

Yes. Musicals are a combination of acting, singing, and dancing, that tend to diminish the quality of all three disciplines. People who like them tend to be on the dumb side.

Concierge

Everything is sung in a musical. It's equal parts inefficient and stupid.

Frantic

You said that about me once.

Concierge

And?

Did you hear about the helicopter that crashed in a Belgian cemetery?

Tim

No.

The rescue teams have found over two hundred and sixty dead people. Why wasn't Jesus born in Belgium?

Concierge

Why?

God couldn't find three wise men. Have you ever tried Belgian kissing?

Tim

Uh, no.

It's like French kissing, but more Flemish.

Concierge

Something here does not smell right.

Gadget Gal

Might be this. I think of my jar of brassiere wax has turned.

Concierge

Oh dear lord.

Concierge

Gadget Gal, no one wants to buy your old junk.

Impresario

What she's trying to say is your garage sale sign is missing a "B."

It's the Awesomes, America's favorite unemployed superhero team.

Prock

We're not unemployed. We're independent contractors.

What does that even mean?

Concierge

On a tax level, it's far more beneficial. We can deduct, like, everything.

I'm going to show you an inkblot, and you tell me what you see.

Muscleman

Umm, an inkblot.

Hotwire

A butterfly.

Impresario

The cat after Muscleman juggled it to death.

Concierge

Break-dancing skeleton.

Tim

Alan Moore's The Watchmen.

Gadget Gal

The pubic hair of Lillian Gish.

Concierge

I hope you learned your lesson. You're all getting six months detention.

Seriously, detention? They murdered me, yeah, let's just give them detention. That sounds fair; that's how much my life is worth.

Uh, complain much? You're alive now, stop yapping.

Muscleman

Hey, who's this sexy lady and what have you done with Concierge?

Concierge

Oh, you.

Muscleman

Seriously, what have you done with Concierge?

Concierge

You can't go.

Frantic

Whaaat? But I had Impresario make this tux for me.

Concierge

It's for women only.

Gadget Gal

Although I've always considered gay men the women of the male community.

Muscleman

Yeah, I want to go. Women only; that's sexist. Men want to look at girls' butts, too.

Concierge

We're not going there to look at girls' butts.

Muscleman

Oh, you're a breast man.

We're going to support other women.

Muscleman

Oh, so you're a bra man.

Tim

That doesn't make any sense.

Muscleman

It makes a little bit of sense.

Perfect Man

If it will make you feel better, you can watch me shower.

Concierge

That offer would probably mean more to him if you didn't make it to all of us all the time.

Perfect Man

And yet Gadget Gal is the only one who ever takes me up on it.

Gadget Gal

And it still isn't getting old.

Perfect Man

Thank you, friend.

Prock

Now, describe the container Perfect Man was trapped in.

Hotwire

About eight feet tall, window pane on the front, cold to the touch.

Muscleman

Sounds like my ex-wife.

Concierge

You don't have an ex-wife.