Concierge quotes from The Awesomes

Concierge

Isn't it weird for the nominee to also work the red carpet?

Prock

Frantic said if I didn't let him do it, he would murder me until I was dead.

Prock

You can't just put on a suit and start saving people.

Concierge

So you're upset he stopped those criminals?

Prock

"Alleged" criminals. That's the problem with these vigilantes. They jump to conclusions when we don't even have all the facts.

Tim

They were pointing a gun at her.

Impresario

And one of them said, "Don't mess with me. I'm a criminal."

Prock

Until we have all the facts, we just don't know.

Frantic

Yeah, maybe she's the one who was attacking them.

Prock

Exactly.

Frantic

Or maybe it didn't even happen, and we're not even watching the news, and it's just tiny people putting on a play inside our TV.

Prock

Well, no, it's not that. It's never that.

Muscleman

They should have had you plan the wedding.

Concierge

Always the guest, never the planner.

This morning the President signed a new bill into law. The Superhero Underage Education Act. It mandates that any superhero who is of school age must be enrolled in school and maintain a B average.

Muscleman

Man, I'm glad they didn't have that law when I was a, um, smaller me.

Concierge

You mean, a kid?

Muscleman

Kid! That's it. It was right on the tip of my... licking muscle.

Concierge

Wow.

Impresario

I'll be the art teacher.

Concierge

Why can't you be the janitor?

Impresario

Oh, give me strength, Dr. King. I will be the art teacher because I have a Masters Degree in Design. And I will not be the janitor because I don't have a Masters Degree in English.

Concierge

I cannot believe you forgot where you parked the jet.

Muscleman

Hey, at least I remember important things. Like my wedding anniversary.

Prock

You're not married.

Muscleman

Oh, right. Forgot.

Impresario

Oh, I'll pass.

Frantic

Suit yourself. More stuffed crust pizza for the rest of us. Ha ha.

Concierge

This is a fancy restaurant. They're not gonna have stuffed crust pizza.

Frantic

Um, it's an "I-talian" restaurant. I think it'd be pretty embarrassing if they didn't.

Muscleman

I'm gonna order gabagool so I can finally find out what it is.

Concierge

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Frantic

Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

Concierge

No.

Frantic

Ha ha. Joseph, Jesus' dad. That makes more sense.

Muscleman

It's nice to see somebody standing up for my people's fight against the Maccabees.

Concierge

You're a Seleucid?

Muscleman

No. Jewish. My grandfather changed his name to Muscleman from Muscle Manheimer.

Gadget Gal

Your grandfather had a strong tongue.

Muscleman

Gross.

Gadget Gal

Some other muscles, too.

Concierge

A penis is not a muscle.

Gadget Gal

It's not? Okay, then, just tongue.

Concierge

You didn't bring anything?

Frantic

I got superspeed, if I need something I'll just run home, get it, and run back.

Concierge

You can run across the ocean?

Frantic

Hey, Prock, can I borrow your toothpaste?

Perfect Man

Do I get a balloon?

Concierge

No.

Perfect Man

Why not?

Concierge

Because you're a fugitive from the law, and you're *bleep* crazy.

Perfect Man

That's ridiculous. If I were crazy, would I be best friends with a basketball?

Concierge

Where are we?

Prock

It's a portal! To another world!

Gadget Gal

Which world?

Prock

I don't know!

Frantic

Mattress World?

Prock

Probably not.

Muscleman

Boy Meets World?

Prock

That's not a world!

Muscleman

I hope I get to meet Mr. Feeny.

Gadget Gal

If it was up to me, we'd lock them all up. I don't trust anyone who breathes with gills.

Concierge

Has a fish ever hurt you, Gadget Gal?

Gadget Gal

Not yet, but that doesn't mean I'm letting down my guard.

Concierge

Technically, whales aren't fish. They're mammals.

Frantic

Technically, you aren't fun to be around. You are a bummer.