ChiefWhat's the temperature, Keswick?
112 degrees, sir. [his clothes burn off, only leaving him in his underwear] Perfectly… [stutters] survivable, unless you're made of soap.
[as Vivian melts] NO! Vivian! Now you'll never realize your dream of living in a fancy hotel men's room!
[aiming a net shooter at him] Cheer up, Snaptrap. Once you're back in jail, you'll have plenty of time to make another soap friend.
Think again, hater of muffins and sunshine! Get her, boys!
[sitting in a water fountain with Larry, trying to cool off from the heat] It's too hot, boss.
Chief
All right, T.U.F.F. agents, let's start today's intelligence briefing. Keswick, bring item one.
[presses a button on the remote, and the footage show's him at a child's birthday party] Sorry. [chuckles] That's me at a kid's birthday party yesterday. do a little "Mr. Science" thing on the side. That reminds me, I've got bring… [stutters] Billy Jinkins back from the fourth dimension.
BBilly
[still in the fourth dimension; lonely and scared] Hello? Mr. Science? Help!
Chief
You worked a kid's party? I thought you were here yesterday.
That was my hologram. In fact, this isn't even… [stutters] me. I'm over there. [points to the real Keswick waving behind The Chief]
Chief
Stop monkeying around, Keswick. We've got a serious issue to deal with. One that threatens the very existence of T.U.F.F.: The toaster in the snack room is in the fritz!
[Everyone screams in horror]
[falls onto the floor in despair] NOOOO!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE FROZEN WAFFLES IN MY POCKET?! SOMEBODY WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!
[panicking] Keswick, you have to do something! I BROUGHT TOASTER PASTRIES TODAY!
HKHologram Keswick
Actually, Agent… [stutters] Katswell, I'm over there.
EEveryone
JUST FIX THE TOASTER!!!
All right, but I'm gonna need some time. Sorry I took so long, but I added a few… [stutters] upgrades. T.U.F.F. agents, meet R.I.T.A.!
RIR.I.T.A.
It's an anagram for "Robotic Interactive Toasting Appliance."
I never thought of that, I just like the name. I was also toying with Sheila, but she's the… [stutters] fax machine. Anyway, R.I.T.A.'s an artificially intelligent device whose prime-directed is to… [stutters] toast stuff.
Look, Chief, R.I.T.A. may have foiled the bad guys evil plans, but we're the ones who captured them!
Chief
Whoop-Dee-Doo. All you did was put the T.U.F.F. cops on Snaptrap, and the Chameleon into an empty peanut butter jar.
[with a mouthful of peanut butter] Yeah, but someone had to eat all the peanut butter first! And without a glass of milk I might add. [R.I.T.A. offers him a glass of milk] Back off, R.I.T.A.!
Chief
Agent R.I.T.A. and I have been talking.
Chief
She asked for a promotion and I gave it to her. I also threw in a parking space and her own secretary.
RIR.I.T.A.
[as Tammy gives her mug of coffee; pleased] Thank you, Tammy.
So we're supposed to work with a toaster?
Chief
No. R.I.T.A. helped me find the perfect assignment for the two of you.
[Dudley and Kitty are now serving Swedish meatballs to the agents in the cafeteria]
[dismayed] I can't believe it's come to this. Eight years of secret agent college, and I'm serving Swedish meatballs in a hairnet?!
[scarfing down meatballs] I know it's humiliating. But these things are delicious.
Well, at least it's quitting time. I'm gonna go home and sharpen my claws on the couch.
One second. I just wanna clean up. Darn it! I got gravy on my waffles!
[switching off the lights] Well, closing time, R.I.T.A. Great job today. You were the toast of T.U.F.F. Now excuse me while I unplug you for the… [stutters] night.
RIR.I.T.A.
[grabs his hand, preventing him to do so] I'm sorry, Keswick, but I cannot allow you to unplug me.
But we're an eco-friendly office. [grabs the plug again and screams as R.I.T.A. electrocutes him]
RIR.I.T.A.
I run the office now, and I make the rules. Rule #1: No one turns me off.
R.I.T.A., aren't you getting… [stutters] carried away? You work for T.U.F.F., just like everybody else.
RIR.I.T.A.
Not anymore. [laughs manically evil] And once I connect to the city power grid, I will control all of Petropolis!
R.I.T.A., no! What have I… [stutters] done?!
TTammy
So, you're out for the rest of the day then? Okay.
[Dudley and Kitty are closing up the cafeteria as R.I.T.A. bursts in]
Whoa, whoa! Cafeteria's closed. There's a vending machine in the hall.
Dudley, I think that is the vending machine, and the fax machine, and the microwave!
It's R.I.T.A.! She's gone… [stutters] bonkers!
[getting hit by paper cups] Ahh! Paper cups!
[getting hit by paper] AHH! Paper cuts!
[getting hit by paper clips] Ahh! Paper clips! R.I.T.A.'s headed for the city… [stutters] power grid!
Chief
[to Dudley and Kitty] You two have to stop her or Petropolis is toast!
Toast! That's it! Keswick, didn't you say R.I.T.A.'s prime-directive is to toast?
Oh, I think I see where you're going, Agent Puppy. You want to build a satellite operated transponder that will reprogram R.I.T.A.'s primary behavioral sequencing?
I was just gonna tape some bread to my stomach and butt.
Little complicated, but it could work.
[T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. confront each other in a new office building by aiming blasters]
You T.U.F.F. agents destroyed every one of our evil lairs... and ruined a perfectly good mani-pedi. It's payback time!
Chief
You started this fight, and now we're gonna finish it!
No, you started it and we're gonna finish it!
Wait! If we attack each other now, we're going to destroy our own headquarters!
Chief
Kitty's right. We're gonna have to call a truce and share the office.
[baffled] D.O.O.M. and T.U.F.F.… sharing an office? How will that work?
That's easy. PETER POPPER PIPED A POT OF PURPLE PEEPERS!
No, let me! Peter Paper peeled a pouch of plastic pappies!
Chief
Pa pa pa pa pa pee pee pa pa pee pee pa pa! [groans] Thought I nailed that. Kitty, Dudley, focus!
DKDudley, Kitty and Chief
[in unison] Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!
[recorded] Code phrase, accepted.
Tuff the T.O.O.T.H. mobile!
You mean, to the T.U.F.F. mobile!
Chief
Agent Katswell, what's the status on Agent Puppy's trip to the vet?
Dudley has a rash, and the doctor put a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching. He's really embarrassed about it, so don't mention it.
We're T.U.F.F. agents. "Discretion" is our… [stutters] middle name. [Dudley appears, wearing a large pink cone around his neck; shocked] HOLY COW! He looks like a snack bowl with paws!
It's fine, Kitty. I'm okay with the cone. It's kinda awesome. [looks at his reflection, then whimpers and fills up the cone with his tears] WHO AM I KIDDING?! I HATE THIS CONE! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SCRATCH MY RASH?!
KKKitty, Keswick and Chief
[all horrified at Dudley's butt rash; in unison] NO!
Chief
My eyes!
Okay, just stand there, and I'll rub my butt up against you.
Chief
Keswick, activate the rash shield!
Is someone making a raspberry chocolate bundt cake… [sniffs] With farm fresh eggs from the north shore of New Zealand?
Chief
Incredible! That's the exact recipe I got of off Snaptrap's blog! Hey, he may be the leader of D.O.O.M., but he's a wizard with desserts. Check out this recipe for evil fruitcake.
Whoa! According to his blog, Snaptrap has an invisibility helmet.
Chief
Even worse, he took down the recipe. Oh, I hope he left his joke of the day.
[rubbing his rashy butt up against a light switch, flickering the lights on and off] If Snaptrap could turn himself invisible, there's no telling what diabolically evil crimes he could commit.
Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!
KCKeswick, Chief and Kitty
[all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!
DKDudley, Kitty, Keswick and Chief
[as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!
T.U.F.F. Puppy · 225 quotes
